<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by cdcollins:<BR><B><BR>Since I went through the process of making your h a nice list of the things my h does to make me feel secure in our marriage, I will do the same for you. Here are some of the things I do for my h that helps us in our lives together.<P>1. Every day I tell my h how happy I am to have married him. I tell him what an honor it is to be his wife. I tell him how with each passing day he becomes more sexy and attractive to me. I tell him that his kisses makes me weak in the knees, that his touch makes my heart pound. I tell him that he is MY man and that I love him no matter what. And I mean it.<P>2. I see my h for the man he is, not the mistakes he made a long time ago. I compliment him on his efforts to work hard to make a good life for us. I focus on what he is doing NOW, not on what he did THEN. <P>3. When I get angry about something related to ow/oc, I talk to him about it in a nonconfrontational manner. And I tell him exactly what would make me feel better about it. My h is not psychic, and he cannot read my mind. I can't expect him to automatically know what I need from him. The more I spell out my needs, the easier it is for him to meet them. <P>4. Similarly, when h is upset about something, I ask him what I can do to help him through it. Often, he is just looking for reassurance that I plan to stay in the marriage regardless of what life brings us. We do not always agree on what to do, but we always agree that what ever we decide, we will do it TOGETHER.<P>5. I do everything I can to make our home a warm and pleasant place for him to come home to. I'm not saying my house is immaculate (it's not!) but he comes home to a smiling wife that meets him at the door with a kiss and a hot meal in the oven. I usually have his lounge pants, robe, slippers, and a warm towel waiting in the bathroom so that he can shower and relax. Sometimes, I even draw his bath for him. I want my h to feel like this home, humble as it is, is indeed his castle.<P>6. I put the children to bed by 7:30 or 8:00 every night so that h and I have private time together. During this time, we often turn off the TV and play cards or talk. It doesn't really matter what we do, just that we have the chance to reconnect with each other.<P>7. When we are making love, I do not entertain thoughts of ow and what she did with my h. I would be horrified to think he was thinking of her during our intimate moments, so why should I? Our love life belongs to us alone, and I make sure that I help to keep it that way.<P>8. On a related subject, I rarely turn my h down when he wants sex. I have learned that it is a vital way for him to feel connected to me. Sometimes I do feel too tired or emotionally spent for a long, drawn-out lovemaking session, but I have learned to appreciate the passion and fury that comes with a "quickie". I am ALWAYS up for a "quickie".<P>9. And I often initiate sex. Probably 7 times out of 10, I will be the one that starts it. Men need to feel desired just as much as women do. and I try to be spontaneous about when/where/how our encounters happen. Variety is indeed the spice of life.<P>10. I try not to throw the past in his face too often. Once in a while I slip and have a fit over a "trigger", but it is important to me that h not spend the rest of his life paying for the mistakes that he made. He is paying for them enough in so many ways, I don't want (or need) to add to the punishment. I am his refuge from the storm - just as he is mine.<P>11. I forgive him. I understand that he made a very bad choice. But I can either forgive him or hate him forever for it. I choose forgiveness. H cannot go back in time and change what has been done. all he can do is change what happens from here on out. In order for him to do that, he has to be secure in knowing that I am behind him 100%, come what may.<P>12. We make new memories to override the old ones. This is so important. The more new memories you make together, the less the old ones will matter to you.<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>That was beautiful CD!! I do the same things, except put the kids to bed, since we don't have any! You really should put these and your list of things H does on the recovery for newbies thread. You so perfectly put a list of things together that are so important in helping ANY marriage be happy. You should make a general list, for H's and W's and post on the advice for newbies thread. Or start a new one, and we can all contribute. I just loved it. My H has been great, and I do my part to keep our marriage in top shape too. It really takes two!! Wish I had known all this before, probably wouldn't be here in this situation! But it is better late than never!<P>happy_girl<P>

LOVE THESE!!!!!!<BR>anyone have a good "letter" to OW?????<BR>

up to get an ow letter from some creative person out there

Dear OW,I am sorry for your grief, but you knew he was married, and married men rarely leave their wives.<P>You can say it's for financial reasons but it is because they RESPECT us, their wives.<P>We would never consider sleeping with anyone other than our H.<BR>We would never give ourselves to another man in such a disrespecting way, and they know that and appreciate it.<P>Sorry for your troubles but it's to bad.<P>love and happiness<BR>his wife<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Hey happy_girl,<BR>I'd be glad to copy that stuff onto another post, but I don't know how to do that. I am a real idiot-savant when it comes to computers (more idiot than savant ). I can teach software programs like you wouldn't believe, but some of this stuff, I am totally lost. Can you tell me how to do that?<P>NBS,<BR>I've written several letters to ow What kind in particular are you looking for?<P>-cd