My H has ahs a box,a baby's portable seat box, in the back of his truck for a few days now. I thought a vendor had shipped something to our store in it. I did n't think twice. Today I had to borrow his truck and I looked closely at the box.It is full and taped.The ow's handwriting on it that says oc's old clothes. So I asked him why he had these things. He said that ow was taking them to GOodwill and he told her one of our employees niece's could use them. I aksed when had he been up there to see them and he said that 3 or 4 days ago she came down to a nearby city and he saw the oc. Needless to say I was aggravated because once again he didn't tell me that they were coming down . He asked me why I was angry and I said I thought you were going to tell me when they were coming down.He says "why would I tell you when they are coming" with an attitude. I am pissed and disappointed once again .I don't think anything is going on with them ,but he is still after all of this time, keeping these things from me. I could really strangle him .I hate this entire thing with a passion and wish the ow would vaporize. The resentment I have built up inside of me could cause a meltdown.

blue,<P>i don't think that you overreacted. your H has repeatedly broken his words to you. do you have a poja?? have you tried plan B? i really think that your H is taking advantage and not respecting your place as his wife. i think now is the time to think seriously about what you want to do. i think plan B is in order if you want to save your marriage. he needs to see what it would be like without you in his life. he can't keep going behind your back this way. it is not fair to you, and makes recovery practically impossible.<P>talk to him. tell him that you need a POJA. write one out that you both agree on and sign it. tell him that if he breaks it, you will be implementing plan B. <P>sorry if i don't sound supportive, but i think your H is taking advantage. it is not fair to you. he needs to get his priorities straight and include you in decisions. not telling you is just like lying.<P>take care. hope someone better at this stuff comes along soon to give you better advice. for now, prayers for you.<P>happy_girl

blue,<BR>no you did not overreact. You've made it clear you want to know these things and he's disrespecting you. He's got another part of his life that, affair or not, he is not sharing with you and apparently never will; he's still living a double life. You are not the partners in life that a H and W are suppose to be. You can live on like this, or give him consequences, or plan B. Do you have a counselor? <P>I'm sorry if this sounds harsh and sorry for your pain. <BR>Prayers for you,<BR>J

Blue,<P>I have been in your shoes except in our case it was ongoing, almost daily, phone calls. You absolutely did not over react. Your H was way, way, way out of bounds. He is lying by ommission and then playing ignorant and even beligerent when caught at it. Know that game, been there, done that.<P>In my opinion the A is not over until all deceiptful behavior has ended. That is why 9 months after Dday I consider us only about 6 weeks into recovery.<P>Mrs. Job

OK..too much coffee for My Cross this morning..<P>TO ans your question NO>>NO>>>NO you did not over react..<BR>I had this converstion with my H the other day...<P>Honesty is honesty...just because you dont tell.. are you being honest...NO...it is being DISHONEST...<P>My husband has 3 advanced degrees...yet he is the stupidest , dumbest...most ignorate man I know...and he plays it off like a dumb blonde ( sorry..not too offend anyone here...I too am a natural blonde) but you get the picture..so to ans you once again...NO you did not Over-react...in fact he is lucky..you did not react more ( you are a better person than I)...he owes it too you...YES he OWES YOU THAT RESPECT...But you have to be able to handle it..because you know he sees OC. You have to have some sort of middle ground...so that the honesty can be maintained in your marriage....my agruement w/ my H had to do with business...he didnt want to bother me with some details..that I ended up getting blasted with..did want to burden or upset me ( he hired someone I said NO WAY too..jerk)...dont beat yourself up...you have the right to expect honesty in your marriage..Take care MC