Now that you know the truth, are you thankful you now know the truth?; or, are you sorry you ever found out. I, for one , feel blessed to know the truth, even though the pain is incredible. I feel grateful that I have my choices back. This of course is only my opinion. Comments please. ember

ember,<P>i am glad i know everything. my H told me about affair shortly after he had finally stopped seeing her. it was painful but it gave me choices. to stay or go, etc. i think the truth is always the best. i can deal with the betrayal, etc, but if my H were to repeatedly lie to me, i would be gone in a second. i don't know how some W's stick around with the constant lies. that is the one thing i can't stand. lies hurt way more than the truth. and is so counterproductive to recovery.<P>happy_girl

ember,<BR> Thankful I now know the truth. The constant lies are the worst thing that I have ever had to deal with. If there would have been more honesty right from the start life would be much easier. When you have been let down and then lied to its very very hard to believe in anything again.<BR>

Thankful, because the truth shall set you free.....<P>Love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

I second Gemini's reply. Gabi1116

That is a tough one for me. Once Dday happened I wanted the full truth and what I got was the normal--the truth mixed in with continuing lies and efforts to make the A seem less "bad" than it truly was. That part was crazy making. I believe that all the facts are finally out and that is a relief.<P>I don't like that I was tricked, that I thought we had a happy functioning marriage when we had something very different. I want to know the truth in all circumstances. Lieing to someone is the greatest form of disrespect and manipulation I can think of. I want the information so that I can make an informed decision. A very kind man came into my life as a friend during the course of H's affair. If I had known of H's infidelity I might have made a different decision than I did--to back out of the friendship when I felt it beginning to cross the boundary and start to look like an Emotinal Affair (at least on my part it was crossing that line). I have no idea of what my friend thought of our relationship. He has gone on to marry and I wish him all the best that life has to offer.<P>However, there is a part of me that looks back and misses the marriage that I thought we had, even if that was just an illusion. I sometimes wish for my days of stupid innocence. It really isn't something I would want, just some form of nostalgia I guess.<P>How about you? I don't think that you have answered your own question.<BR>Mrs. Job<p>[This message has been edited by Mrs. Job (edited June 02, 2001).]

Mrs. Job, I love magic, and illusions. I always seek to know how it is created. I do not regret, now, knowing the truth. I do regret not knowing earlier in time. All the nostalgia of memories, is ruined for me. But yet, I am so thank-ful, I now have my choices back. It has been 5 yrs. since D-day for me. I found out my H had an affair for 12 yrs. There are 2 OC. Phil Donahue had 5 women on a panel once. They all found out that their H had an OW and OC[s]. I thought to myself, "How could a W not know?" I am now eating my own thoughts. I do not regret finding out. I am very thankful I found out the truth. ember

I am greatful that I know about the A's, but from my side, I believe the OM's W did know about the A, just not the baby. Our choice to not tell OM about Abbi is two fold. One, the safety of our family, and two, I don't want to do to OM's W and D what other OW have done to those of you on this board. Now, if OM somehow finds out about Abbi, and tries to use her to become part of my life again, I will then sue for CS, with the hopes(and I know this is not very christian of my) that his W has indeed filed and received her divorce and is already receiving CS. Yes, the extra money would be nice, who wouldn't want a little extra to help with diapers and clothes(especially at the rate that Abbi is growing), but NOT at the expence of the W and D. I have wanted to apologize to OM's W, but didn't want to reopen any wounds I may have caused in my stupidity. Now, if someday W finds out about Abbi, and wants to have D meet her, I would have no problem, as long as OM is no where around, but I really don't see that happening. I realize what I have done has hurt so many more people than just my H, but am working to right the wrongs.<P>Tigger

Absolutely...the truth hurts, but the lies kill.

Tigger, I don't know your whole story. Are you stating you were the OW, and OM's W does not know anything? Your H and yourself are raising OM's and your baby as yours and H's. If I'm incorrect, please let me know. I'm trying to understand the situation. If I am correct, you must have a wonderful H. Please, give him my regards. ember

I think the only way to save my marriage is to know the truth. I believe if I never found out, our marriage would eventually have failed and I would not understand why. The truth may have set me free, but I know it set my H free. He needed to be able to love me without guilt or waiting for the ball to drop.

Knowing the truth is important. Finding it out via lies and having to uncover it on my own, it not appreciated. For the most part, H did not volunteer unless questioned. I do not appreicate that. The questions had to be worded just so. That is not honesty. <P>I illustrate it as a mother carrying her child(children) in her arms while walking in a dark room filled with obstacles of various shapes and sizes. Some on the floor, some suspended in mid air, others hanging from the ceiling and others sticking out of the walls. All hidden and unseen. <P>How is a mother protecting her precious cargo (her children) to navigate in a such a room? She can not stand still, life does not allow that. She must keep moving to stay alive. Yet how does she move without fear of hurting her children or being hurt herself? <P>The only one with the ability to give her light (insight) is her H. Where is he? Will he help his family? <P>Honesty, truth and trust remove the obstacles and provide the light/guidance to make it through the A. Without it, the marriage is doomed, the family is broken. <P>I consider knowing the truth a painful but necessary element to recovery. <P>L.<BR>

Great analogy Orchid. It's so true too. Without the honesty it will never work. Sometimes it takes a while for the honesty to emerge. It's worth the wait.<P>love<BR>Debi <P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Thanks for some wonderful insight on just how important honesty is to recovery of the A....I struggle each day wondering what's the truth, and my H acknowledges that his lying to me was just part of the A and that he's being honest with me now. It's just so darned hard to believe right now. We're really working on it together. Sometimes I seem a little too honest for him, like when I say that I will not be able to move on with him if he has relationship with OC, because that means OW will forever be a part of my life. Please help me work through this. Thanks for your wisdom.