Well,<P>It is confirmed..The OC is not My H's. I still am in shock<BR>Her lawyer, cant get a hold of her. I made it clear to mine that I want to take legal action ( yes legal..I had to laugh when I read the Italian comment..thanks). <BR>I think My H took the day off, cuz he was afraid of what I might do. It seems his Lawyer is as stupid as he is. there I sat in that friggin huge office listening to these two men<BR>tell me..what the publicity of this could to my H's business<BR>like I care at this point..I told them that we have been taken advange of, and I was not going to sit around and allow it. the past 3 months have been hell for me..which affected my whole family..AGAIN the jerk of a lawyer, said I needed to STAY OUT OF IT!!! Can you believe that...My H had to hold me back...there I was all 110 lbs of me lunging over the top of his huge desk...saying words I am sure that would make a truck driver blush...I have now locked myself in my office (at home) Thank God my parents came and got the kids. I can't believe all he cares about is his stupid business..I know that particular martial problem is for another board..but I have always felt second to his work..<BR>and it all comes down to that..his stupid business...DO THESE IDIOTS NOT REALIZE if I divorce his stupid, cheating [censored]..I own half of those businesses...maybe I need my own lawyer..at least I could go after her for what she did do me..and half of the money he gave her ( we are in a community property state)...I dont know what to do..I am so filled with rage right now..It is not right..how can she just come into my life and do this...The lawyer said we would have to prove she knew that the baby was not H's..and that would be hard..unless the bio dad comes forward...which he doubts cuz he would owe us money too.<BR>I am so so confused..<P>I wanted to thank all of you again for the support..God, you guys are the only people who make sense. <BR>to ans a few of the questions that were asked..and forgive me I cant remember who asked what..<P>yes we paid alot of money...My H had been paying her (behind my back, before I knew d-day)..he gave her ALOT..<BR>but the lawyer told him it was less then we would if she filed ( so it was a compromised amt). OC was 6 month old when I found out about her.. the OW did not have to work at all..just stay at home and shop..like she was my H's wife..<BR>My H's business is high profiled..the affair could hurt his rep ( but he should have thought of that before..HUH ???)..I have no pity for him..or his stinking lawyer. School is out for the older kids in a couple of weeks and I think I am going to take them to our vacation home..we have owned that home for 5 years, and it is in one of the few fault states..maybe I will go and stay 3 months and file divorce...and take all his damn business...stupid man ..what was he thinking buying a home in a fault state..and then cheating..DUMB DUMB DUMB....I cant think straight...I feel so betrayed again..I know I should be happy and I am..BUT I feel betrayed again by my H...how can he even consider letting this thing go...I dont like him very much right now...I wonder if my kids can just leave school early I need to get out of here...<BR>Oh and for the husband..who said why cant we all just get along??? I understand you were also a BS..and I can appreciate your stance..BUT CAN YOU SAY EXTORTION!!!...lets just hope OM doesnt come around one day and extort a few bucks from you guys...I am sure you wont be upset...because "you are rebuilding your marriage"...we are allowed to feel this way..your OM ( you admitted) has left you two alone..and could care aless...well lucky you!!!...most of us here are not that lucky...and we have ISSUES..SO DEAL WITH IT....sorry I am not thrilled about husbands right now...anyway..I think I need a drink...and I dont drink..I need something..I feel like I am going to snap...thanks again guys..my stupid man is knocking at my door and it is distracting me...I think I will go open it and throw something at him...you guys can not imagine what he is doing to this marriage...it feel the same like when he told me about OC....and I have that peace that it is not his..but the betrayal..is so strong right now...I think I will call my counselor..Maybe he can make sense of all this..take care and thanks<P><BR>

My Cross<P>I e-mailed you<P>ivc

MyCross, <BR> This has been a terrible experience from beginning to end for you. But at least this is good news in the long run. You are right - go away for a little while it will make you feel like you took some action. If your kids are not in secondary school and will not miss exams (the teacher in me speaking) then they are really not missing much in the last few weeks of school. I think you should get an attorney. It ain't over till it's over as they say.<BR> kris

My Cross,<BR>Please just one question....Did you say oc looked like your H or something? Let me know....baby kinda looks like H but we are not sure. Looks mostly like ow.<P>Love<BR>Debi<P>PPSS I'd be totally pissed at that lawyer....Men can be so fuc**d sometimes. <P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

[QUOTE]Originally posted by MyCross:<BR>[B]Well,<P>I know how you feel. before we got the results of the DNA test I asked my lawyer< actually i asked several, if i could sue OW if the tests proofed hubby was not the father and i was pretty much told "NO" I was told we would spend more on the suit than we would get an my hubby, not I, would have to prove the OW knew he wasn't father and since we had given her money like you SHE had the proof that my hubby BELIEVED there was eevn a chance he was the father so we had no case at all. As far as alination of affection that doesn't apply to my state and we couldn't sue for slander or libal because hubby admitted by giving money that he slept with ow and the child could have possibly been his.

mycross,<BR> I just wanted to let you know that your anger will pass. We also had a girl come after my h. Something that happened before I meant him (I know he is a slow learner) the child was 4yrs old at the time a one night fluck. She was going after anything and everything she could get. I have no idea what I had ever did to her I didnt even know her but she hated me. Anyhow the dna also came back not his. The ding bat had even named the little girl thats right (a little girl with a guys name) my h first middle and last name that pissed me right off that someone could do that to a little girl. Anyhow its pretty bad when the sluts dont even know who they screwed. The proscuiting att told us we could sue her for the cost of all the crap Dna test. He had never gave her any money toward child he had always told her he wanted test done first. Now we know why she didnt. At first I was mad as he** but you will find it passes.I know its diffrent because that was something that happened before I meant him but it still made me nuts. <BR> with love flowerseed<p>[This message has been edited by flowerseed (edited June 04, 2001).]

Dear, dear MyCross,<P>I know you are very angry and upset, and Lord knows that you have every right to be.<P>Still, I am going to make a suggestion. I feel that you and I know each other well enough that I can be blunt without you taking it the wrong way.<P>Mycross, I enjoy vengeance as much as anybody else...perhaps more than most. If you can hire a lawyer on your own to go after the witch, do it. (And then tell us all about it ) But don't lose sight of the fact that you have been given a very big gift. You have been given a reprieve from the "life sentence" of having to cope with oc issues. It's a gift that I, and anybody else here, would cut off their right arm to have. Don't throw it away. <P>If you need to take your children and get away for a couple of weeks to cool off, I think that would be great. As a school teacher, I can confirm quakermom's opinion that it won't hurt the kids to miss the last couple of weeks of school. but when your anger has passed, go back and concentrate on restoring your marriage. I am willing to bet that even though you and h aren't in agreement about making ow pay, you can work past that. I think your h probably learned a really hard lesson here, and I know that the two of you can rebuild and have a stronger marriage than ever before. The anger will fade, mycross. The important thing is that you and h work on the marriage and each other.<P>with love,<BR>cd

Good morning,<P>And thank you all..I have calmed down. I guess I knew she was lying all along, but did not want to set myself up if she was not, emotionally speaking. It was almost selfish of me to post such anger. I am very relieved the OC is not H's ..it would have been a life sentence, and know I dont have to deal with that now and maybe I can move forward.<BR>I think you are all right My H has learned the hardest lesson he will ever know, and trust me I have collected all the prove I need, and my mother has it for safe keeping. If he EVER even thinks of cheating. I am filing in the state our vacation home is. he can work for ME, then I will fire him. It is strange, that even with good news all the Betrayal came back so new and fresh. It was like d-day all over again. all I can say is wow..I did not expect that.<P>Husband and I came to a compromise, he will have our lawyer approach hers. I cant rememeber who said it..but you are right we can't get her arrested for extortion or fraud..too hard to prove, H chose to support her before the blood test was done, so that is our problem..BUT we can ask for repayment...it would take her forever to repay that debt.<BR>SO they ( H and attny) want to make her a deal. she would only have to repay half the costs, if she speaks to no one about the affair..if she breaches then it goes to the full amt with interest. on her salary that would take her years. NOW she has to find a job and work. Poor thing. I told husband I want the money she pays. I want to place it in a savings acct. and I want the OC to have it for her education (college), as mad as I am with her mother. I wish that baby no harm.. that poor child is being raised by a lying vendicitive witch...and I feel her only hope is to get away, and get educated. If OC choses not to go to college, then I will donate the money. But that money will soley be used for that purpose only..no money will ever be handed to either of them,..and the OW will never know what we plan on doing with it. MY H thinks I am nuts, but you know what ? these past 3 months, I thought I was going to have this little girl in our lives forever..and I have always had a soft spot for kids.. dont get me wrong..I am thrilled she is not related to us, but I feel so so sad for her. I guess I needed some control in all this.. I have not been able to have a say in anything. and my H agreed. She OW will have to make her checks out to ME....first things first...we have to find her.<BR>And to tell you the truth, I may feel differently later, but I love the idea the checks have to be made out to ME.<P>Gemini, I think it was you..who asked me about how the baby looked.. I always thought she looked like my oldest when he was her age..maybe it is that baby thing..or I was looking for a connection..dont know. I wish you luck..I hope you get good news too..and fair warning..it is a rollercoaster ride..but I am relieved today..I imagine the rollorcoaster continues for weeks if it is..but I cant tell you How tired I am..<P>I am going to keep my kids over at my parents another night, then I need to "pull it together" I miss my little guy. I am going to take off, after the bigger ones get out of school..cant leave the 12 y/o is graduating elementry..having a shindig..need to pull it together..ready to call the old party planner person..and have them send hubby the bill, since I cant function. <BR>then I an going to our other home..it is so nice and peaceful there.. Hubby does not want me to go..we are never apart havent been for more than a night maybe 3 times in our marriage...I kinda think a break may make me miss him..I need to miss him...<P>Anyway THANK YOU ALL so much..This is a strange place to be right know..I am still in this "fog".. and I feel so tired.<BR>I am grateful..But I wish my husband could have just kept it zipped up...sometimes I feel like telling him our baby is not his ( he is, I have never been unfaithful)..just to let him feel the pain he has bestowed upon me..but I must still love him...cuz I cant do that to him. so I guess I have my ans through all of this..I need to restore what we had (mr. Lala land aka H) seem to think its fine and he will never do it again...DUH..only if he likes his penis..where it has been for the past 45 years...see I coming back..my sick sense of humor is resurfacing..<P>anyway a BIG PS : for those OW who insist on posting garabage on this site..because of what transpired over the last 24 hours...need to go get a major life...If I were you..I would not classify yourself with the scum of OW we put up with..it only belittles you...move on..we are not talking BS preception here...we are talking bitter truth.<P><BR>

Mycross,<BR> Only if he likes his penis..where it has been for the past 45 years... I think we all think that. I think thats really great what you want to do with the money ow owes you. Dont hold your breath waiting for it I cant see her paying it back but it is a nice thought. Hopefully she will have to get a job at a chicken farm cleaning up after them **** a doodle doo. Hope you have a nice time away and everything works out like you want it to you deserve it. with love flowerseed

My, my, my, My Cross:<P>I've been sitting here thinking of what my reaction would be if I would have been lucky enough to get your news. After careful consideration, I would have reacted much the same way. Because, instead of resignation and sadness and the desparation to rebuild, I, too, would have felt the fury of having to needlessly been put through the nightmare, the rage that someone was so evil to torture me unnecessarily, causing me to loose my joy, my peace of mind, my exclusivity...and for what?<P>I'd hate to have your OW's karma.<P>What you plan to do with the proceeds from the OW payback is generosity beyond comprehension. I cannot tell you how inspiring this is, regardless of some of the motivating factors (check written out to you). That poor, poor child was used as a pawn and is doomed to a life of low standards, deceit, inadequate parenting and misery. How amazingly kind of you to put away money for this child who truly is now and forever, none of your concern...for real! <P>I'm glad you've cooled down and have begun to put things into perspective. I can only imagine the mixed emotions your husband is going through, the remorse, the shame for his incredible stupidity...he must feel like such a dolt giving into this blatant manipulation and at the same time, be so relieved. Did he bond with this child, thinking it was his? I'm stunned that he just wants to allow this woman to keep the funds she extorted from him without a fight, however, the compromise you just described earlier sounds pretty good. The OW would be a fool to violate the agreement for a myriad of reasons.<P>All in all, this is such joyous news, MC....if only....<P>Love<P>Catnip >^..^<

Hi My Cross,<P>I have been checking up on this board for about six weeks, when the days of lurkers who were icky abounded {looks like you have another one today ~ sigh} and all I can say is that I am very, very happy for you!!<P>Best wishes to you, your H, and yes, for that child... poor thing.<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino

MyCross,<P>You are an angel.<P>Broken_Wings

My Cross! I was out of town for a few days & come back to this news! Oh I am so releived for you & grateful. But I can understand how it would also anger you SO MUCH to find out that this person was just a slick con artist. How horrible. <P>And as if it isn't bad enough, to have lawyers sit and look at you as if you were a fool and say "tough luck" is just about maddening. That is the ultimate salt in the wound. I basically had a similar experience with my lawyer, who told me the only real recourse I had in any of this was to divorce my H. Since my H had participated in relationship with this female, there was no way that I could sue her without sueing him. And I would have to prove that she got pregnant on purpose, etc. It is basically criminal what the legal system allows. If she did some scam on an elderly person, she would be on 6:00 news. Just sleeping with a married man isn't any sort of crime at all. Wonder if Oprah would pick up your case & do a story? I have always thought that the only "justice" any of us would ever get would be on the talk show circuit. <P>There are people walking around out there that look like humans. The dress pretty much as we do, eat similar foods, sleep, talk, laugh, etc. But they are not human in the way we are. They have no soul, no heart, no conscience... the parts that actually make us humans and define us as more than animals. The pathetic part is, they still reproduce. Your OW is one of them. <P>Take some time. Heal. Love those babies (yes... even a 12 yr old is a baby). Breathe a little fresh air at the "other place". And when you feel like it... invite your H to join you. Live and love again... OK? Take care... Carolyn