PLease get it done.<P>My H believed this OW. He never doubted her. I saw OC and I thought she looked just like our oldest did. I also convinced myself that OC was husbands. <BR>The results ( though very pleasing) was a complete shock.<BR>I was surprised how many of us still have not taken the DNA,<BR>My H waited because I did not know about OC, I was pregnant and then postpartum..he was afraid I would not be rational (YA think??). God has blessed us financially. My husband is a very hard working, and smart businessman ( too bad his intelliegence doesnt expand beyond work). I dont know what I would do if that too had to be a concern..it is hard enough just dealing with the betrayal and OC. I know you all<BR>are scared as I was, and some of you have financial concerns with the testing. But try to get this nightmare over with. My OW did have an education, she was not stupid, or naive. She knew exactly what she was doing. I also believe she knew my H was not the father, and basically extorted money from us. I think she was already pregnant when the affair took place. and he was used. I told you she had a 8 +lb baby 3 weeks early ( two of my kids were early daughter was 4 weeks weighted 5lbs3oz, youngest 3 weeks 6 lbs 4 oz)..I am upset. and I dont want any of you to be taken the way I have. someone told me when they got the results that the baby WAS their H's it was like D-day all over again...the funny thing it was like that for me too. I guess a part of me will always want to believe that people just dont do this to other people. But oneday I will wake up..It is hard. Get those tests done..if my OW can lie..so can yours.

Hi all,<P>I believe that you can get testing done with just H and OC. They don't even have to draw blood from the OC, just swab the inside of the cheek. We are going to get it done the next time we go on visitation. H has copy of birth certificate stating that he is the father so he can legally consent to medical treatment on the child, not that have a Q-tip put in your mouth is much of a medical procedure. They will photograph H and OC to prove that they are the two people who took the test. The cost is $350 or $450. I don't remember which.<P>Mrs. Job

Hi My Cross,<P>I have been meaning to ask you when I realized your<BR>expertise with pregnancy's, but didnt want to dampen<BR>your celebration yesterday!<P>My H and I are one of the ones who still do not know<BR>for sure if the oc is really his.<P>The op is married and raising the child with her H but<BR>had been to demand money from my H 3 times before he<BR>finally told me. He told her test first, then he'd pay.<BR>She said okay, but when I hand delivered the consent forms<BR>to her, she never mailed them back. She never went thru<BR>the courts,(I can only imagine she does not want everyone<BR>to know she is a whore) yet she expected my H (who had<BR>sex once with her) to believe it was his child and pay<BR>her under the table!<BR>Since I have known, she has returned under her rock and<BR>said we are not worth it, that she does not want to <BR>disrupt her son's life. More than likely, she does not<BR>want to disrupt her marriage with the truth. <BR>Her H has never contacted us, which I find strange.<BR>My First reaction to finding out was to go see her and<BR>tell her that unlike her, I care about my marriage and<BR>that she is the worst mistake my h ever made.<BR>My question is this, for the child to be my H, she was<BR>at least 2 wks late, how common is that? I dont know the<BR>babys weight at birth. I know sometime's you can be a week<BR>or so late, but is it false hope to hold out that maybe<BR>the child is not my H's?!<P>I would appreciate any advice you have.<P>Again, I am so happy for you. What tremendous news.<BR>I cant believe she would go so far knowing the possibility<BR>that it wasnt your H. Bet she had her fingers crossed the <BR>whole time! Good for you!!!!

Fluke,<P>I have a feeling that this baby is not your H's. I would hate being in Limbo, the way that the two of you are. Wondering when the axe is going to fall.<P>Professionally speaking, MOST doctors (OB's) will not allow a patient with good prenatal care to go past two weeks over due...the fluid volume (amnioitic ) will start to decrease, and the rate of still births increases, as well as problems with the baby in the labor process. If she had good prenatal care, she would have been induced between 1-2 weeks over due...truthfully most doc's dont take that risk..most induce 1 week past due date.<P>If she is being reluntant to test, and she is asking for money under the table...she is also EXTORTING money from you two. My opinion ( though you two have to decide) is if you have to know. is to go to a lawyer, find out you H's rights...he may have none..since the "presumed father is her H" this varies from state to state. If funds are an issue, you can contact a fathers rights group..they will give you legal advice for free ( look it up on google)..<BR>they can tell you if you have rights or not. If not than go on with your lives...if she comes back to extort money from you again..tell her to take the blood test, and then it can be discussed. Boy she sound like she just needs extra spending money and she hits you guys up for it...wonder if she has "others".. tell her next time that the 4 of you..include the "presumed father" need to discuss this with a mediator. You might also check into signing off you H parental rights..if he has them. I am not sure how that works. it also varies from state to state...years ago I worked(volunteered) as a court appt child avocate ( before they started using lawyers for the children)..so this is how I got to know these laws...<P>Anyway I really doubt by the sounds of it that your H is the father..she is too sneaky..does her H know the baby might not be his??? I had no idea that there were so many SICK people out there<P>Mrs. Job,<BR>you are right, we did the testing with the swab( on baby), and just H..I think OW thought maybe it would not come out conclusive if she refused..HA HA on her...it was more expensive because they did not have all three to test.<BR>but it was about 600.00 total. it would have been 300-400 if OW had given blood too..<BR>it was

You know, mycross, I just thought of something. My h and I have already had the DNA testing done on oc. But I know many people haven't done it because they simply can't afford the test fee. And suddenly this idea hit me....(you can totally ignore it if you want, but I thought I'd at least share it with you)<P>Now, don't get me wrong, I think your plan to put the repayment money aside for oc's college education is wonderful. It is a most generous and touching gesture. However, if that doesn't work out, either because oc decides not to pursue higher education or because you change your mind for whatever reason...and you are still planning to donate the money somewhere....why don't you set up some kind of fund to assist low-income fathers pay for DNA testing? 73,000 could buy a lot of DNA tests. at 400 bucks a pop, that's roughly 183 tests - more if you'd require the father to chip in for part of it. If you require the father to pay for half, that is 366 tests. The number could increase dramatically if you set up a non-profit group, invested the bulk, took donations, and contracted with a DNA lab to do run tests for you at a lower set rate. Think of the lives you could change by doing that!<P>I think that the Association for Non Custodial Parents Rights is based somewhere in sunny CA, and they could probably point you in the right direction if ever you decide that's the way you want to go.<P>well, it is an idea anyway. I think it would be true poetic justice for "ow's" money to be used to help other men accused of fathering children find out the truth.<P>-cd<P>

What a great idea, cd. Incredibly generous of you<BR>to even consider donating the money to a good cause, mc.<P>Thank you for your response about our situation.<BR>I do hope agaisnt hope that the child is not my H.<BR>But there is the chance. We know the approx. day she<BR>came whoring but...<BR>The limbo is killing me. My h seems fine. He always<BR>had his doubt but so did so many other h here.<BR>He has no feelings at all about child.<BR>But they live down the road and I have tried for a year<BR>to come to terms but I am at a crossroads now.<BR>The two year mark is this month, just what does that<BR>mean for us.<BR>Thanks again for your positive input, I just wish I<BR>knew 100% that you are right. The fear of not knowing is<BR>weighing agaisnt my fear of knowing...does that make any<BR>sense?

Just wanted to add my 2 cents here. First of all MyCross...congradulations!!!!! I know you will now be on a crusade to collect on the generous loan (plus interest of course) that you gave ow, but arent you doing cartwheels at the same time!<BR>I also agree with MC, that if you are paying money get that dna. As a matter of fact...get the dna first...before you pay!<BR>But if you are not paying money and ow has chosen to go away I say let her go! Do not follow! Leave it be! I only say this bc I regret pushing for dna since ow is now out of our lives and I am afraid if she ever comes back she already has her proof and I paid for it.<BR>Take it for what it is worth<BR>bw