Hi,<BR>I do not know where to start, or what to say, forgive me.<BR>just ask me anything or tell me if Im doing this wrong,ok?!<BR>someone asked me to tell about myself, I will keep it brief or try.I do not know where to start,<BR>you all know why Im here, I have also been forced into the club of pain and shame without being asked.<BR>I had a feeling something was wrong, for so long...I beg and pleaded just tell me what ever it is....husband instead lied and lied, made me feel I had lost my mind. he insisted I "get help",<BR>so was talked into at one point going on medication by him(for something that was real, but I was being told was in my head and I was making up things)<BR>and if that were not enough, he at one point told me I was so messed up thinking things that I needed deep help so as not to effect our kids.....so he talked me into admitting myself. <BR>now I not only deal with the pain of lies and the "A", I deal with how stupid I feel that I took meds and went away to get help for something that was "REAL" and not my fault.<BR>I lost out on time in my life and with my kids because of his lies. there was never anything really wrong with me<BR>everything was true.....I still am trying to deal with the hate I have that he would do something so awfull to me on top of everything else.(head games, make me get medicated, check into a hospital to get over the things he said I was making up in my head about him)looking back it was all<BR>so mean.....Im so hurt and angry. I feel like a part of me died. people mention how people can survive the "A", but no you do not, because part of you and who you were is gone forever. <BR>the "A" is over ( so he says, but part of me still fears more lies) and only after it had ended did he learn ow was<BR>pregnant, and then about 5 weeks after that learned it will be twins. she is just done third month this week.<BR>I was really hoping she would have tripped over her stupid slut feet and fallen down some stairs and lost the baby by now. before she got far along.<BR>I know that sounds awfull, Im sorry but in my thoughts it is what I wished for sometimes.<BR>then sometimes I wished husband would fall down those stairs too, hit his head and forget all about her.<BR>I wish it was just a bad dream and I could wake up, but it is a nightmare and I fear I never will.<BR>I do not want to learn anything else from ow or anyone else,<BR>I want it to come from him, and right off.....but each day I wait for a bomb to drop, the phone to ring or someone to say "oh by the way did you know this or that"?<BR>D-day was my birthday by the way....like I will "ever" forget it now.<BR> MRS LOUIS<BR>

LOUIS,<BR> Your feelings are so normal dont ever let anybody ever again make you think you are crazy. My h to played it off like I was nut to.It does make you really wonder if you can ever believe in anything again. I went in the other direction were I got to the point that I didnt care anymore. I was wishing mine would die I really hated him. I think mine realized he had finally got his wish of driveing me away and decided to change his thinking. Mine even took all the guns out of the house before he told me. I think he knew just how far he had pushed me. I know how your feeling about feeling something has died and you'll never be the same things really do get better I promise. <BR> I wonder if the ow really is preg with twins they have been know to really twist the truth. I wouldnt beleive it. I was lied to so much also it makes it so much harder to deal with believing again. But if the h is really willing to come clean you will find how much things can be even better then they were before. You will never be the same, but I have found the person I'm now is much better then the person I was before. Hang in there LOUIS say whats ever on your mind. You will find some of the greatest people in the world here, isnt it crazy something this awful can bring such wonderful people together. By the way LOUIS I think were all a little crazy, so take that all you sane h.Again so sorry your having to deal this pain in your life.<BR> with love flowerseed<p>[This message has been edited by flowerseed (edited June 06, 2001).]

Louis I don't have much time.<P>My H made me think I was crazy too!! It's their "mo" during A.<P>I will talk later...glad you found us.<P>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Louis,<P>I just wanted to welcome you to the board and tell you how sorry I am that for all you have been through. this board has been a wonderful place for me and the people on here are great. Thanks for sharing your story. I'd suggest that you read a lot of the Harley's material on the site. <P>I wish we had some place for real profiles so that you could know a little bit about each of us here. I know I had such problems keeping everyone's details straight in the beginning. Don't worry about it; you will learn about us as we learn about you.<P>Mrs. Job

Welcome to the board. I'm so sorry your H made you feel so crazy. I'd be very careful about restablishing trust with this man. That's an incredible lot of headgames. Please read recovery books for guidelines as to what needs to happen for your marriage to really recover.<P>Prayers and angel wings to you.<BR>Later,<BR>J, 2+years in recovery

Mrs. Louis,<P>I want you to know you are welcome here. We are really a great group of women (and a few men) who have felt all of your pain and stand in your shoes. And the beauty of this group is we are all in various stages of recovery. We have old timers who got this recovery down pat and we have the middle agers like myself who still have rollercoaster rides every now and then. And we have newbies like you who have fresh raw wounds to lick all the while dealing with the result of their spouses betrayal.<P>Know you have come to the right spot to vent, cry, laugh and let yourself heal in warm arms.<P>I cannot admit to my H making me think I was crazy because his confession totally blindsided me. I saw no clues and suspected nothing. I was in such a work-a-holic frenzy I probaby missed a million clues.<P>And by the way.... I too had D-day two days after my birthday. But it felt like my birthday because it was the morning after my birthday celebration with family and friends. Oh did I mention it was the morning after the most awesome love making? I too will forever have that date burned in my head. But you know what... H and I have talked about having a recommitment ceremony (tuxedo/gown, the whole enchilada) and when we do I'm gonna do it on D-day and I'm going to invite the OW!<P>Keep you head up girl. And when you feel it sagging... come here.<P><P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Dear Mrs. Louis,<P>I am a little late in welcoming you. This forum has been my salvation in a number of ways. The men and women who post here are truly wonderful, courageous and full of helpful and practical advice. And, like many of the people here, this is a secret that I have not felt comfortable sharing with others. So, this forum has given me a great outlet for my feelings.<P>My H also tried to make me think I was hallucinating or something. I had no solid proof but, as we all know, there are definite though subtle changes that occur in your relationship when one of the parties is cheating. I fully understand how it makes it doubly hard for you to move forward and forgive the A when so much was taken away from you.<P>My H is a chronic avoider. But, I was also relentless in my wanting to know EVERY detail. The only problem was that I would start off telling him that I just wanted to fully understand and that is why I asked questions. But, when I would start hearing the answers to the questions, I got mad and we ended up in a fight. So, to save himself -- or possible to save my feelings (at least that is what he said) -- he would clam up or tell more lies.<P>The hardest but most important thing that I learned to do was to speak with him without anger. I started out by taking it slow. Asking only a few questions, hearing the answers and then giving myself some time to absorb what he had said. I would force myself not to react or not to ask any more than the set number I had decided. <P>Once he saw that answering the questions was not causing more arguments, he started to open up more. But, Mrs. Louis, understand one thing -- you will never hear anything that will justify his betrayal. I was looking for a reason -- even my counsellor told me -- that reason does not exist.<P>What you may hear are things that will hurt you deeply. Promises that he may have made to the OW, feelings of love that he may have expressed to her. There was a point where it was hurting me more to know, so I decided to stop asking. Knowing all of the details was making it harder for me to put the A behind me.<P>This is very new to you. You will experience so many crazy feelings over the coming months. Give yourself time to feel what you have a right to feel. I feel exactly as you do -- this situation changes your life forever. That has been the hardest thing for me to come to terms with. Whether we stayed together or separated, I would still feel the same pain.<P>But I believed my marriage was important enough to fight for and so did my H. I can now say that we are in recovery and that, in many ways, our relationship is stronger and better than it ever was. But it took years to get to this point. With commitment and caring, you and your H can get back to that place of enjoyment.<P>And don't worry about the horrible thoughts that you have had about OW hurting herself or the OC. These two people symbolize the destruction of your marriage and home. People in our situation often fantasize crazy thoughts of revenge. I know that, in your heart, you are just a good person who is trying to deal with a very terrible thing. Those feelings have provoked those terrible thoughts.<P>My prayers are with you and your H as you find your way. <P>love,<BR>heavenly