Hey all, I have been wrestling with this decision and thought I would post this and seek the combined consensus of the "group" here.<BR> My question is "When does one tell the children of the marriage that they have a half-sibling "out there"? I want to tell our older children, ages 19, 23, and 24 of their now 7 year old half-sister. My husband does not want to tell them. Of course that would leave the 13 and our 7 year old still in the dark.<BR> He wrote a will after the birth of OC and in this will she is mentioned and it is spelled out that she is entitled to no part of his estate. Now this would only play out if we both died and he lived longer than me, but if worst case happend I hate that our children would learn of her existence this way. Any suggestions?<BR> Anxiously awaiting your responses. <BR>Texasgirl - Brenda

Texasgirl,<P>I think that it is ok to tell the older children now about the OC. Maybe even the 13 yo. The only problem I could see with telling the 13 yo would be a slip of the tongue to the 7 yo. I agree with you, that it would be awful for your children to learn of this in the will.<P>Tigger

TG,<P>You didn't say, but if your 7 y/o is a girl, it could be hard on her to find out she's not the baby anymore, or daddy's little girl...especially since OC is a girl.<P>We had difficult struggles with my two step-children, youngest is a girl. When my H and I and a baby girl, my step-daughter was devastated. She was six at the time.<P>Just a thought, maybe you can wait till your youngest are older???

hi friend - remember me? you were very helpful and kind when I was posting last summer. I hope things are going OK<P> I think in general it is better to tell the older kids right away. I think they will feel betrayed if they find out improperly. I think the younger ones don't need to know yet. It's kind of like talking about sex: you answer their questions but only tell them what they can handle until they are age appropriate. I thought your oldest knew if I remember correctly. Now all my kids except the 7 year old know. However, I don't think the 9 year old really understands.<BR> Kris

thanks all for responding. This has been a discussion between us. My H wants to wait and feels if we tell one and tell them all. You're right the oldest does know, a friend suggested if he knows, then he may have told his brother, the 23 year old. I just want to tell them and have no more secrets. My H was ill in Mar. they ran a lot of test, I asked him if they had tested him for aids. It has been 7 years since his affair, but I thought the virus could be dormant for that length of time. His reaction was just like when he first told me and I asked about the OW. I could see him flinch and could tell he did not even want to go there. So that erupted into major "fit" by me. After 7 years why can't he discuss it. It is him being overwhelmed by his guilt and his wish he could undo those actions. I think by getting it out in the open that ghost can be finally put to rest.<BR>Hey, Kris, I remember you . I have been wondering if things were going well for you. Email me anytime. I hope I did help you before and you will reach your resolution soon. Brenda

TxG, I found out 5 yrs. ago, by accident, about H's past OW and OC's. The older OC, 14 yrs. old, did not wish to visit us [H&I]. The 9 yr. old OC came to visit. Met all older siblings, and grandchildren the same age. That was five years ago, and has not been mentioned by anyone in this family since. It does not appear that they, half-unknown siblings, are important to the immediate family. It's better to tell the truth straight on. Children are very perceptive. When they are all of age, they may contact each other. This would be beautiful. The decision would be their's. Just my opinion. I say, tell them the truth. ember