Visit number two :<P>We usually stop at a cigarette store right before we visit with oc (I don't mind smoking generic cheapies most of the time, but to prepare for contact with oc/ow, I need the good ones, you know). Anyway, I waited in the car as h went into the cig. store. I see him go to the door, step inside, then turn around and come back to the car. He says, "Uh, you have to come in with me..." I ask why... he says "because ow is working in there." What??? Last we knew she lived in the town an hour away from there! So I get out and go in with him, and sure enough, there is ow behind the counter. She tells us that she has moved in with her mom for the time being and will be moving back to that town (also my parent's town) permanently. got kicked out of government housing, apparantly. We buy our smokes and leave, and it occurs to me that we are less than a half hour away from visiting time, and ow is working. Could it be that we are actually going to be able to visit with Darling without ow present???<P>We get there at the scheduled time, and for the first time ever, ow isn't there! Just the grandmother and grandma's boyfriend. Darling obviously remembers us from last time, starts chattering to me right away. H goes to the van and brings in the barbie doll bed we bought her and brings it in. Darling is delighted with it, and before long is playing with the bag it came in as well. She puts it over her head (it was a paper gift bag - not plastic) and pretends to be a "tickle monster" and tickles me. Then I suggest that she put it on h's head, and she does, and she plays and talks with him for a while - first time she has actually spoken to him at all. Then we go out on porch and watch as she rides her bike. She is really interacting with both of us, h turns her upside down and holds her up so she can "walk" on the porch ceiling, then he pretends to pull quarters out of her ears - a big hit. Ow gets home about that time to find Darling squealing that h is "magic" and wanting him to pick her up and play some more.<P>Throughout, ow is more friendly than usual - makes things much easier for us, but it also makes me wonder what she has up her sleeve - I can't think that all of a sudden she is going to act mature about all of this. Suspicious.<P>We all go for a walk and Darling is talking to us a lot and lets h put her on his shoulders to ride. When we get back to the house, Darling sits at the kitchen table and talks with h and i for a long time. Wants to know all about my house, what it is like, what color it is, how many bedrooms are in it. Then she asks about our boys. I tell her about them, and she says, "What about your girls." I say, "I don't have any - but since I don't have a little girl to play with, I come to play with you. What do you think of that?" She smiles and says, "Even better to me!" By the time the two hours are up, Darling is talking about maybe visiting our house someday. When it's time to go, she asks what we are going to do now. I tell her that we're going to go swimming at my mom's house before we go home. She asks to come along! Ow tells her no, that she can't because she doesn't have a bathing suit that fits anymore, and Darling throws a fit because she wants to go with us so badly. Blocks the door and tells us we can't leave without her. I tell her that I have to get home to my little boys because they are missing me, and she says, "ok you can go if your boys need you but your boyfriend (my H - she apparantly doesn't know what a "husband" is) has to stay and play with me!" She finally consents to let us leave when I promise to take her swimming some time in the future.<P>Darling still doesn't know who we are or that h is her father - I guess we will have to figure that one out later, because ow is not going to tell her.<P>The only real nastiness from ow was when I asked her if we could call oc on her birthday this week. She frowned and looked really mean and said, "I suppose so", but by then she was probably very angry that Darling was bonding with us so well, so I imagine that's why she was ticked off at the request.<P>I was SOOO proud of h. He relaxed and played with Darling, and she was REALLY liking him. And, I am really liking her as well. I don't think I am going to have a hard time at all incorporating her into the family - I think I am going to love her. That feels good - but also strange in a way, because I feel like I am opening myself up for something that could end up being painful someday. Like I am scared to like her too much...I don't know how to explain it, but the idea of loving oc brings mixed emotions. But, I AM falling in love with her.<P>Do you know what is really remarkable? The more we bond with oc, the less ow means to me. She is becoming inconsequential. No kidding. It's like her presence means nothing to me, or to h. All that matters is getting to know Darling. How weird is that?<P>I have promised to catch a frog in my backyard and bring it for her to see next time. Only two more supervised visits then we are on our own with her. I can't wait. Even though ow didn't get to me much, I'll be VERY glad when our contact with her is limited to seeing her just at pick-up and drop-off times.<P>On a side note, ow obviously didn't get the news yet that her cs order has been (at least temporarily) dropped. My h hasn't gotten the papers for it either yet, so I know she didn't. <P>Anyway, it was a good visit, a good day.<P>-cd<BR>

You are my hero ... I wanna be just like you when I grow up! Seriously, CD, you have such incredible patience and have achieved such growth and peace... You are going to be just fine!<BR><P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

c.d.,<BR> I've been waiting to hear how it went. I am so happy for you guys dont be afraid to love oc it just dont seem possible that ow can do anything to mess this up. I think from here on out the only problems to be had are going to be hers.<BR> Probly some time this week the ow will get her good news. You will hear her screaming from 3 hours away. Do you think you will have any problems when they have to bring darling to you guys? Who has to drive her grandma or ow? <BR> You guys are wonderful what a lucky little girl , with love flowerseed <BR>

Hi CDCollins,<P>I am so happy for you that things are working out. One thing I would like to bring to your attention. The child was taken from the mother and now she is living with the child again? You should discuss this with the lawyer. I am not sure this is a good thing. She might be thinking that her mother will become the legal gardian and she can just live with her mother and still be an active bad influance on the child. Just a thought.

cd that is wonderful! I know what you mean about "the good ones" ha ha ha ....<P>I know what you mean about ow becoming less important to you as you bond w/Darling, I feel the same.<P>I hope someday our visits will go as smooth.<P>Love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

I am so happy things are going well. I too am really bonding with the oc. i swore for over 8 months that "that oc will NEVER be a part of MY family, i can not take anymore" and now i feel i am falling for the little one. the oc is truely innocent and the more the OC becomes a part of MY family the less the ow bothers me. I do feel as if the ow in your case moved home because she will eventually refile for custody. she will prove she has been helping to raise the child and she has a steady job, if she has a lawyer i am sure they told her all she needs to do to reget child, take a parenting class, ect. i guarentee that she will someday get custody again. States are still VERY much for mother involvment. I am really happy for you.

I have been very busy the last couple of days, I haven't had the time to be in the computer. <P>I am so happy that things are going great for you. I also read your previous post about the child support reduction, all I can tell you that justice has being done. I am really happy for you.

CD, <P>You are absolutely remarkable. I'm so glad to hear "Little Darling" is having fun playing, asking questions, interacting with both of you. You and your husband are doing a wonderful job, CD. <P>I wonder too (as someone previously mentioned) why the other woman is living with her mother, still in constant contact with the daughter the state took away from her. I would bring this up with attorney, also advise him she has a paying job (for the CS matter) and possibly ask CYS is the other woman has contacted them to tell them she is livign with the child they took from her care. <P>Again, great job and, of course, best of luck. <P>Love,<BR>CoR

Just want to add my congrads to you and hubby CD! How sad the kid doesn't even know there ARE husbands--geeez. You might think about the legal advice.<P>Best wishes and congrads!

Well, Nosetta, ya did it again! How terrific for you and H...and Darling, what a lucky little girl. If she only knew what she had in you, but I guess she's going to have the great opportunity of finding that out. Boy, oh boy. It's sure a good feeling to see things going well for someone...especially one so deserving.<P>Claudia<BR>

cd, so glad things go so well for you. I could not do what you are doing, but I am glad since this is what you want, things are great.

CD, you are sooooo right. After a while the OW becomes a non issue. You become almost imune to her after a while. Especially when our H's become more and more enamored with us and the efforts we make in our marriage's recovery.<P>Only time can show us why our husbands truely stay with us. Over that time they are able to everyday give that effort that makes a difference in how we see them and utlimately how we view the affair and the OW.<P>Much love and happiness for you CD. Keep fighting the good fight.<P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

CD,<P>I am SO happy that things went better this time with Darling! It's great that your H was able to interact and play with her this time! Maybe the next visit, if Darling refers to H as your boyfriend, you can tell her that you guys are married, and love eachother very much. As for the OW not telling Darling exactly who you guys are, maybe wait till she comes to your home for a visit to start the ground work of explaining it to her.<P>I agree with the others on the living arrangements. I don't think it is right for OW to be living with grandma when Darling was taken from her and given to grandma by the state. Talk to your lawyer to see what the law states, or what the system could do about this. It may be yet another step towards you guys getting the custody of Darling, if the grandma and OW are, theoretically, thumbing their noses at the state.<P>You are such a strong woman! I will continue to pray that things go as smoothly as possible.<P>Love,<P>Tigger

Cd,<P>That is soooooooo great! You are an angel and your H is not doing bad either . I can not wait to here the next story. You are such a wonderful story teller.<P>Love<BR>bw

Cd - I admire you greatly. Such grace under pressure. I've been thinking lately that if we ever get anywhere I could handle visitation with OC (after all I adopted 4 children and loved them before I even met them!!) You could give lessons on handling a terrible situation with grace and dignity.<P> Also my email to you got sent back. I'll try again and see if you get it.<BR> Kris

CD SCORES ANOTHER ONE FOR GRACE AND DIGNITY--GO TEAM!<P>CD, I have noticed that too. Our visitations aren't much about the OW, but are mostly about us establishing a relationship with OC. I think that that is what bothers OW so much about my visits. She sees her child taking to me and it bothers her; she is threatened about having to share her with another woman.<P>I am not gloating about that; just making observations that I think are accurate.<P>Mrs. Job

CD;<P>I am just starting on this road, and you are truly an example of choosing love over anger and hatred.<P>Blessings to you!!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by cdcollins:<BR><B><P>Do you know what is really remarkable? The more we bond with oc, the less ow means to me. She is becoming inconsequential. No kidding. It's like her presence means nothing to me, or to h.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>The significance of a brood mare, cd. <P>The OW knows that she is nothing to your husband and that Darling is stealing the show...that the OW was nothing more than a vessel for this child to be here.<P>This little girl will love you, cd. With any kind of love there is a risk of pain...you already know this. But, if you cultivate this child right and show her the love and stability she craves, she will always love you in return. The OW may have a mean mouth on her and bad mouth oyu to the OC sometimes and there may be times when OC gets sucked into the drama sometimes, but if you remain steadfast and consistent, she will bounce back. The rest of this kids life is going to feel like a taffy pull to her to some degree...the trick is to keep things light and not react and fill her up with love...the thing you do so well.<P>Glad the bonding is goig so well for all three of you. you truly are remarkable, cd...you have my admiration and respect.<P>Love<P>Catnip >^..^<<P>