Let me first say that I almost burst into tears when I found this site. I desperately need people to talk to that understand my situation. I found out about OW and the pregnancy in a note posted on the windshield of my car. That was 7 months ago. The OC is now 4 months old and we are trying to incorporate visitation into our lives. The OW is so manipulative though I am beginning to lose strength. All I see is an innocent child being pulled by two immature adults who don't seem to care about the best interest of the child only who has control. At this point, I want to get custody of the child and leave both the OW and my husband behind. I am a school teacher and obviously have the summers off. OC spends between 8 hours and 10 hours a day in daycare during the week. I offered to get him in the afternoons so he could have some "one-on-one" attention instead of be a number. The OW says she trusts the daycare workers more than my H or I to take better care of her child. I would NEVER hurt that innocent little baby and I only want what is best for him. I also do NOT want to take her place, but want to be a part of my H's child's life. HELP! I need perspective.

welcome welcome to our little hideaway! What a rotten way to find out! Well, is there any good way?--ha! Anyway, it doesn't surprise me to hear that you ARE the sane one in this mess... that is a pretty common fact, despite the intensity of your own feelings, the wife is often the more level-headed. Look at my post "recovery thoughts for newbies including Isb". <P>How does your H feel about all this? Are you're in counseling or reading any recovery tips?? It is important to work on your relationship during recovery and not just sweep this under a rug... obviously you're meeting the OC issue head-on and good for you! You sound very loving but you've got a right to protect yourself and your marriage too. Is your H seeing XOW or OC without you at all? Do you feel like you're operating by joint agreement?<P>I gotta run now but prayers and best wishes,<BR>J 2+years in recovery! <BR>

Jenny<BR>You are a God send to this site...I can tell. Yes, I did read your other posting. I also filled out some of the good Drs. questionnaires tonight and believe that H and I have a long way to go in the intimacy department. He is a very introverted man, and I have to pull alot out of him. Very thick, high walls around him. He is willing to try anything to make our marriage work though, so I guess I better start taking advantage of that and forcing some sit down conversations with prayer. I pray constantly and God lead me to the Dr. book today which lead me to this website, so I am keeping the faith. Thanks for your wisdom

Amen! It sounds like you're already on the Right Path and He will lead you to your goodness. This may sound silly but I'm happy for you! My H is a major introvert too, but he still thinks I'm his soul mate, and I think God meant us to be. <P>Keep fighting the good fight, we say!

Trying4Sainthood,<P>You're a good person. It's not easy accepting the OC, but you are so right in saying that the child is innocent. Unfortunately, you are not the birth mother. Do you have any other children. You truly sound like the motherly type. <BR>You should have a heart-to-heart with your H. I hope he realizes what a special lady he has. With your support, I think he can pull through and be a good father to the OC and never mind about the OW. The child is what's important.<P>Good luck and look forward to hearing how you're doing.<P>"Been there, living through it!"<P>Full of Grace

The OC is now 4 months old and we are trying to incorporate visitation into our lives. The OW is so manipulative though I am beginning to lose strength. All I see is an innocent child being pulled by two immature adults who don't seem to care about the best interest of the child only who has control<P><BR> i may have missed it, but have you been to court for cs and visitation/custody? The OW have no LEGAL right once there is court ordered visiatation or custody to say who the oc is around. I suggest going to court and filing for visiation/custody. my hubby and i are in the process of it now. the ow can use the courts for money , we use the courts for our rights to help raise the child.

We have a meeting with our lawyer Friday afternoon, actually. H has finally had enough. I unfortunately have had enough for well over a month, but not my decision. Wish us luck as we head down this battle road.

tryin4sainthood,<BR> We are finding alot of luck and prayers answered here lately. Prayers coming your way tryin. Let us know what you find out. Theres lots of great people here that will help you win the battle as you head down that road. <BR> with love flowerseed

Dear Try...........<P>I am wishing you blessing that this matter will work itself out. I know that this is an unpleasant site, but great to know that you are not alone here.<P>I pray that your H will become more understanding toward you, I pray for the innocent child that did not asked to come into this world, I pray for the ow, yes they need prayer also to see the light, but most I pray for YOU that the Lord will give you the strength that you need to wade though these trouble waters and that you are able to deal with situation at hand.<P>G&P

Thank you to everyone who has responded thus far. I greatly appreciate your thoughts and prayers. I could use them. I posted a question about mediation, but no one has answered. I see alot of people stating they are involved in it. What is it?

Dear Sainthood,<P>Ha I like the name! I know how you feel first finding this site. I felt so very alone and I could not believe their were others out there like me. I did cry when I found this site and near paniced when they were having problems with the site and I could not registar. I thought I was going to have a heart attack! Finally someone who would understand! It is sad so many of us are here, but also a relief. I am glad you are trying to work it all out and you can. It takes a lot of hard work, many tears and most of all God. I am glad you have been led here and you now have an outlet for you fears and tears.<P>Love and Prayers<P>broken_wings

Dear Trying4Sainthood,<P>Just wanted to say welcome, even though I'm a little late.<BR>This does zap the strenght right out of you. You are not<BR>alone here. Stay strong and focused on what you need to do.<P>I admire your ability to see through the pain.<BR>I wish you the best of luck concerning custody of the <BR>oc. Take care, Fluke