<BR>I am going crazy!!! My H is still insisting they were just friends. I know it's not true, I just know. He says he has not had contact with her since d-day, apprx 8 weeks ago. I've tried to call her twice and she just hung up. Last Friday she called my H cell phone voice mail, and he let me listen to it. Okay, a few points for him. But, she says, I think about you all the time, I wish I could talk to you but I know you're not ready yet. Does this sound like "just friends?" I asked H what he was going to say to her when she calls and he answers the phone. He said he will say, I haven't talked to you because my counselor and my marriage counselor says I'm not to have any contact with you. <P>I haven't said anything to him about it because he has become very defensive when we talk about OW. Even tho I am containing my rage and anger, he is becoming more distant. Like he doesn't know what he wants. Why can't he just say to OW, I haven't talked to you because it is harmful to my marriage. He doesn't even have to say I love my wife, just take some responsibility for the decision instead of pushing it onto the counselors. Like, I would talk to you if I could but these mean old counselors won't let me!!!<P>I want to mail her copies of my H's e-mails to me describing their "friendship" They say things like, she didn't mean anything to me, it could have been any woman, I just needed someone to talk to. She is too tall, I'm not attracted to her. Neither one of us ever professed our love for each other. She doesn't mean anything to me, etc, etc.<P>I know it would cause contact between OW and H if I do this, but I DON'T BELIEVE my H. At this point I would believe her more because she's not trying to cover her as* like my H is.<BR>I know they are going to have contact sometime anyway because of OW being pregnant, and because of what she said, she is expecting to talk to him when "he is ready".<P>Please let me know what you guys think, I feel like I'm waiting for a time bomb to go off, I know there is more coming, I just can't wait anymore so I guess that's why I feel that I have to initiate something. I want to talk to her so bad. I actually even feel a little sorry for her because I think my H is leading her on also.....

Unless you think there is still contact going on I wouldn't contact OW just yet. First off they are usually on the defensive and they end up saying things that will hurt the bs. Secondly i wouldn't want to get her too mad before the oc is born and cs and things are taken care of. I fyou must contact her i would only do it in writing where you can "control" your responses.

MoJO,<P>Has your H written ow a no contact letter? It is one of Harleys principles and a very good one. I would definately not advise you contacting ow. She is obviously still pining away for your H and will make matters worse. If you contact her and she talks to you she will say something detrimental to your recovery. I guarantee it. Not to mention you are then going behind hubby's back to talk to her. Why in the world should you trust HER? She might not be tring to save her a@@, but she has nothing to lose now by trying to screw with your head. Except seh might hope that you will then leave H and it will be open season on him for her. Of course you do not believe H. Why should you at this point? But him letting you listen to the message is a brownie point for him, right. He sounds like he is moving in the right direction. I would also advise against sending those letters to ow. Like you already know that would put them 2 in contact and we do not want that, esp. if it gives her the opportunity to make comments about his obsessed wife and him a reason to be angry at you. I know this is not easy, but trust me. Been there done that. Even talked about going to ow's house 1000 miles away to gang up on Hubby together. We "bonded" Then the evil witch "stabbed me in the back" which I should have expected. She told H everything I said, twistedly, and some things that I never dreamed of saying. They are t-r-o-u-b-l-e. Take deep breaths and do something nice for yourself. I just started a yoga class at the community college and it does wonders. <P>Love and Prayers<BR>bw

mojo7, I agree.Do not call or write her a letter. My H has not written a no contact letter to OW, I have asked him to but he seems to think writing such a letter will incite her to do more havoc in our lives. I am a bit uncomfortable with that, because I felt the letter would help us feel as if we are in it together, would help me feel proactive and not waiting for her to do something, but for now trust H knows her and may be correct in not inciting her . In the beginning I asked H to email her not to contact him and put all communication through to me. I emailed her then comfirming that request. she emailed me twice, then, claiming she wasn't taking orders from me and that if I was angry with her, she was sorry, but she had learned her lesson and wasn't going to get involved with my H while they discussed parenting of child. IN the email she actually thought the child should not be denied relationship with my H and our kids-siblings she called them. Keep this in mind this was only 2-3 weeks after discovery. She also threatened to call my inlaws because OC wanted to meet them- it was obvious she wanted to injure more people as she thought the OC had right to know H'<BR>s parents.I emailed her back, you will not be well received, please do not contact them, it is up to H to twll them, and they are elderly, not well, I love them too much to have you hurt them. I still worry she will call them and tell them of this whole sordid mess,and it sickens me. How many more people can one more woman destroy? isn't enough she has ruined my family she needs to destroy H's extended family as well?It sickenend me so much that this woman could assume we would have anything to do with her, and she would have access to my kids, given all this.But H had told her he was going to tell our kids right away, which I squashed the day he told me, and she was surprised he hadn't told them. I told her not to email me anymore, she wrote another email, again a little less nasty, I chose not to respond to it, and she emailed again, wanting to know if I got her message. I just responded, got it,didn't want to respond.Since that time we have had no communication. she actually offered to meet me and "tell her story" so I could understand where she was coming from. Is she for real or what? i do not need more firm photos in my mind of her or OC- I have banished the photos of them in my house and do not want them in my head. I certainly want to increase distance between us, not act as if we have a joint relationship due to our joint connection to H. It sickens me throughout.Since that last email, I got one anonymous email from either OW or a friend of hers detailing some info about OC that only she would know. I responded querying who was writing email, the person refused to identify himself, and I stopped corresponding. I think it is best to not correspond or meet person. Don't do it if you can help it.!<P>What you can do is write a letter to OW and say what you want to say, ask what you want to ask, and not send it . I have done that and it helped somewhat but I think had I sent it it would have incited OW<BR> more. I do not want to do that.

She also threatened to call my inlaws because OC wanted to meet them- it was obvious she wanted to injure more people as she thought the OC had right to know H'<BR>s parents<P> Isb,<BR> The Ow in my case actually contacted the inlaws after about a year. She said "I think you should know you have another grandchild and you may be a part of the oc's life if you want. That is what she told then, she told a mutaual friend that she felt as if WS was getting off to easy that she was the only one to look bad in the public eyes so she began TELLING EVERYONE. And rally a secreat this big will eventually get out. My inlaws still love their son and my parents, yes she called them too, still love him also but i don't think they respect him anymore. The OW has grown up in the past 2 months and is trying to do what is best for child and soon we will have partial custody anyway. The OW did say if hubby had been involved with child she wouldn't have contacted inlaws and my parents. Turns out hubby was lying to her also but we are getting through things and the more involved hubby and I get with the Oc the less the OW means to either of us.