Flowerseed, I do not mind you asking at all. The ow has over the last few months been telling the oc some really messed up stuff. It has all been coming out little by little over the last few weeks at our weekly sunday visitation. The short block of time the family gets each week is four hours and we have been trying to increase it with out success. Anyway, the oc seems to really have taken to me and is always eager to answer any questions I have. So I always try very sweetly to get info out of him. A couple of weeks ago during a phone conversation discussing drop off and pick up the ow yelled at my h and right in front of the oc told my h that her parents hate him. My h knew the oc was right there he could hear him in the background. So now the oc has to deal with the fact his grandparents hate his dad. During a visit the oc was talking to my 2year old daughter, they are getting along great. I asked him if he knew who she was he said yeah and said her first name I said no I mean you know she is your sister, he asked if she was also my son's sister, I said yes and explained that they all have the same dad, my h. Then I asked if he really knew that my h was his father he said yes and that his mom told him that and also told him that my h ran away from him when he was a baby. Lastly, we had taken all the kids, my two and the oc shopping and they all got some great stuff so while we were waiting for my h to get out of a store, we were in the car I told all the kids they should thank their dad when he gets back, my son said ok , oc said nothing, I asked if he was going to thank his dad, he said yeah, my son asked, then why do you call him ######, he calls him by his first name. He told us his mom told him to call him that, and then he told us he was not allowed to call him dad. His mom said so. I feel she is undermining any chance my h has to bond with this boy. My h even says how the oc talks to me more than him. Anyway, these are some of the sad stuff we are going thru right now. On top of it all they justed moved this week and she has still not supplied my h with the new address and phone number. We are into our second month of unsupervised visits and things for us when we are all together are going great. The kids get along well and the oc is really a sweet kid. I posted in the topic about mediation as we are going to be going back to get all this crap cleared up. Obviously, as usual, all the ow thinks my h is good for is the $ , but we have so much more to offer and I refuse to let her beat us. But the lawyer's bills are killing us. What a waste of $, keeping the lawyers in business when the $ could be going to all the kids' futures. Well, sorry this turned into a novel. Peace, and thanks for your concern, any imput from anyone, is more that welcome. Gabi1116<P>[This message has been edited by gabi1116 (edited June 14, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by gabi1116 (edited June 14, 2001).]

gabi,<BR> Isnt there something in the custody papers about a childs natural rights to the affection of the parents something like that. It seems like you would be able to get the courts to inforce this without having to pay a lawyer.<BR> He is around 5 yrs old isnt he? How sad he must think there is something wrong with him when he hears the other children call h dad but he is not allowed. I wonder with the questions you said he asked about who the father is to your kids if he is not thinking why dad ran away from him but not them. The ow must really be a dead head if she dosent realize that the only one she is doing damage to is her son.<BR> Cant the case worker do something about this behavoir of hers? I always thought thats what they get paid for to protect the best interest of the child. To bad you couldnt have recorded her yelling at your h, I think I would have a recorder handy from now on. When do you expect to be able to have him over night ? Maybe they will give ow a good a** chewing and let her know just who she is harming with her rotten behavoir.Good luck I tip my hat to you familys that deal with this, its got to be very hard what you have to go thru . with love flowerseed<BR>

Dear Gaby,<BR>I'm sorry you are in this situation, and hopefully things are getting better for you and your family. I am just wondering how come you and your kids have to be so involved in the OC's life? How come your H cannot just go meet with his OC, take the OC on an outing--just the two of them, no OW, so they can develop some sort of friendship without getting your children involved in the drama? Would that work? Could you let go enough to trust that your H could handle that appropriately? It seems to me that it is too much for you to bear with all the involvement and worrying about the OW and her stupid demands...<P>Don't your children deserve to be protected from all this mess that your H created for himself and the OC? Sure, the OC is innocent, no doubt about it, but so are YOUR children who deserve to be protected from all the drama. And another question, why does the OC need to be in your home at all?????<P>Remember Sarah and Hagar, the OW? Sarah tried to help out God by welcoming the OW and OC into her home, but in the end, Hagar and her OC had to be kicked out of Sarah's life forever! And after that, Isaac (Sarah's miracle) was born!!!!!!!!!!<P>

BinthereDunthat, I am not exactly sure what your name is supposed to mean, but I am sure you have not been there and done what I have or you would not have posted the reply to me as you did. I have two wonderful, beautiful, sweet, smart, should I go on and on , children. I have a very loving, caring, hardworking, dedicated husband. My marriage is great, wonderful, terific and fantastic. My h and I have chosen to involve our family in the life of the child my h had due to a one night stand, during a time when we were very briefly separtated prior to getting married. I really feel that you should look into or know the history first of a person that you choose to reply and post to, before giving your thoughts when they really have nothing to do with my situation. I want my children to grow up knowing their sibling, they all have that right. I choose not to hide things from my children, as things have a way of all coming out anyway in the future. My h and I have invested alot of time in helping our children get to know their sibling over the last few months, this was something that we choose to do as a team, as it should be in a happy, healthy marriage. Remember that is our purpose for this forum Marriage builders. My h and I are happy and our children are happy and so is the oc. As I said in my post the oc is a sweet happy and friendly child and we are all very happy to have the involvement. Actually the only person that is not happy is the ow, the oc's mother. And oh well that is just tough. Our children and the oc and my h all deserve and will all be happy together, as I am sure you will never understand, being a ow yourself. So in closing I will let you know you need to go away and leave us to our happy,wonderful lives. Your advise and ill words are not wanted or needed. Go live your unhappy, silly, little, life. Gabi1116