Just need to vent some. How in the hell do you get past this resentment? My husband and I have been through a lot in our 9 years together. I am waiting for the straw that breaks my camel's back.<BR>When we met he was unemployed and has had about a dozen jobs since then. I supported us for many years. Got over that hurdle just these last three years...same job, good salary.<BR>Found out during our second year of marriage that he was addicted to drugs. Took another 18 months to get through that, but has been sober for over 3 years.<BR>Now, he had an affair and their is a child. How much **** can one man put on his wife? How much of a doormat could I possibly be? What the hell am I doing?<BR>My emotions are a mess and I am in such conflict. My H has matured and grown so much over the last few years and I was so proud of the man I thought he had become...and now this.<BR>It is almost as though he is bound and determined to screw up anything good in his life.<BR>I have supported him through everything and this is the thanks I get? Why am I still here?<BR>I know, so leave, but I cant. I have strong faith and an undying unconditional love for my husband. He does have his good points.<BR>The other problem is I cant seem to quit "love busting" with my mouth with smart [censored] comments about everything. Then I just feel guilty because I know that I am not contributing to the marriage the way I should. Then I get resentful that I am feeling guilty and dont think I should have to tell him anything.<BR>Then I look around my house and see all these baby things that dont belong to OUR child but to the OC. <BR>HELP!

Been there, Done that.....Still doin some of it! Ditto ditto ditto to all u said. My H is very self destructive and when you destroy yourself you bring everyone else around u down too. It was drugs when he was young but he quit those when he went into the army. Then alcohol came along and cost us lawyer feels and a fine, not to mention a few to close to abuse drunk moments and then of course the infamous affair and oc. I guess that is when u get the chance to prove your undying unconditional love to them...when they do everything in their power to try to kill it. The alcoholism is still there but it is a kitten as of now...he wont admit it is a problem so I am sure it will rear its ugly head again, but I am still praying. Those s.a. comments...of that is tha hardest part to put a stop to....preaching to the choir on this one. I am getting better though. I finally realized that after all that had happened I would be the one to destroy our marriage with my harsh degrading words. I wrote him a long letter telling him all the wonderful things about him and i made him several promises. One of the things I promised him was to watch the words coming out of my mouth and to consider his feelings and opinions as equal to mine. That our differences arent bad, just different. I might have to read my letter every day, but I will do this for us. Just reading what I wrote made a huge difference in him. I noticed a change in attitude immediately, which made my promises easier. Oh and of course pray pray pray.<BR>Lots of Love and Prayers<BR>bw

Dear Tryin and BW,<BR>I am sorry for your pain today. I also made S.A. comments.<P>I do not now. It's something you can't help but be cautious. When I did it continuously my H would close up and become quiet. I wondered if he REALLY wanted ME. H now said he expected and deserved my rage. He also said after so long he began to wonder if I loved him or was playing a game to "win". Interesting huh??<P>Love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Hi guys, Just wanted to say I also made alot of smart a** comments, and sometimes after over three years into knowing about oc I still come out with one every once in a while. Hey trying, I was just wondering, how long has it been since you have know about oc, I do not recall. I think the freshness of knowing has a lot to do with the way you are feeling. I have found that over the last few months I have calmed down alot and felt better more often about everything lately. <BR>Hope you have a better weekend than the this week is for you. Time does heal, Peace, Gabi1116