Hello Fellow Soldiers...<P>I haven't posted lately...haven't been able to muster the strength to do so. OW is due any day now...and I find myself really on the edge!! Just feeling super nervous...crying all the time...just really feeling sick!! For a while there I thought I was doing so much better...but it appears that I'm back at square one. H seems to be really trying to do better. He works a lot of hours and when we do spend time together I find myself asking questions about the affair & the OW. Of course this angers him but there are things I just need to hear & say. He told me today that OW says she doesn't want her children around me at all. I told him she should have thought about that before she chose me to be their stepmother. He got angry and said "You can't tell her what to do with her children". The nerve of him!! He always seems to defend her. He just can't seem to see that she wants to keep him isolated. The woman has told so many lies....about the # of babies she's carrying & everything else...I just don't understand his tie. I honestly feel at times like I'm going to have nervous breakdown!! I just feel so jittery. If anyone has any advice...please share it with me. Did you all feel this way close to time for OC to be born???<P>Much Love.....<P>Broke-Down <P>

"Did you all feel this way close to time for OC to be born???"<P>ABSOLUTELY!!! It was very difficult holding myself together. I had a young child and was ALSO due the same month as XOW--gag me. My stomach was often in knots. I made a conscience effort to spend time in prayer/meditation, singing, walking, writing/venting, BREATHING, the bathtub, counseling etc.--anything to help myself because I wanted to be well for my kid(s). <P>Don't let this destroy you! You can survive this and your life WILL get better!! Keep breathing and see what tomorrow brings. <P>"He always seems to defend her" This worries me more. Your H is still in a fog. My H never was and I hope you get good advice on how to handle him. I would not allow any solo contact between XOP and H!! You are right to expect him AND her to accept you as the go-between re:OC. What they did(A) was wrong and can't be repeated. <P>Prayers,<BR>J

Dear Broke-down,<P>I wasn't in your situation, I didn't know of A and OC until about 3 months after the birth of OC. I can't imagine the stress of waiting for the birth of these babies.<P>The OW has no right in any state of this country from preventing the children's biological father from having visitation (without proving something unfit about him). Once visitation is set, she has not right to say whom may visit with your H. What you need is his agreement that you are to go along on visitation, not hers.<P>One possibility might be to use a third party as a go-between in the beginning. If there isn't some friend or family member that you can trust, most states offer this service. OW brings kidlings to a visitation center and you and *your* H pick up child/ren there.<P>My H was in a fog for a very long time too. He felt very guilty that he had "done this to her." I am sure he heard tapes running through his head "If you ever get a girl pregnant, you better do the right thing by her." Problem was that in this case there was no right thing to do. Doing "right" by her meant doing "wrong" by me and vice versa. I tried to remind him gently that she was an adult woman who made her own decisions. She is totally responsible for the mess her life is in now and he is totally resonsible for the mess he made of our life without my knowledge nor consent. What he is not reponsible for is the mess her life is and she is not responsible for the mess in our lives. I find assigning appropriate responsibility to be very therapeutic and relieving for me.<P>I will keep you in thoughts and prayers through the last few weeks of this pregnancy.<P>Have you seen a doctor for anti-depressants and a mild tranquilizer? They really can take the edge off. I still take the anti-ds, but weaned myself off of the tranquilizers (they can be addicting if you spend too long on them).<P>Hope this helps, at least a little.<P>MJ

Dear Broke,<BR>The "wait" was horrible. H was out of our home at my request. H STILL not doing poja at the time. When I read birth in our local paper it was on a monday. I cried for the rest of the evening. My H knew on sat. (birth day) and had gone to hospital later that day for a private visit w/o ow there. I had begged him not to go. He went out of couriosity to see "who it looked like".<P>Within 3 days H was back home ready to do what it took to keep us together. He said he would not give me up.<P>Ow showed true colors then! She was wild from day one of his reuniting w/me. I had no idea . He sure got scared. Ow wrote to say H would have to be the one who calls to see his son. She doesn't want me to call. Tough! H said he won't see baby till she gets it through her head that it's only about seeing the baby, not her wishes!<P>I think you are waiting to hear something similar, right? I bet you'll be hearing it soon. H musy realize your feelings come first.<P>I will pray for you.<P>Love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Broke -down,<P>Your OW is a wacko, Crazy, lying (yes worse than alot of our OW here)..she 2 months ago had 6 then 4 then twins conjoined....she is what we in the medical field would call delusional. I worked High risk OB. you would know what you had at 5 months of pregnancy. US have become so great, that you can know if your baby has kidney and heart problems BEFORE they are born, I have been in on these deliveries. They then have a complete team of specialist in the delivery room. THAT is why I have not believed her at all. SORRY you H cant be that gullible. ARE you sure she is even pregnant. Maybe she is just FAT, sorry I have a real difficult time with the stories this OW have been telling. at least with my H ow, her saying she was 38 (when in fact she was 44) I just thought she just aged poorly. BUT Hell she aged poorly for 44 (she looks 64, my mom looks younger than her...sorry bad weekend for me too). I think you just go about your business, and if my some chance there is a baby, everyone here is RIGHT. SHE CAN NOT STOP YOU OR YOUR H from seeing the baby, fathers have rights. and you are his wife. so she should have thought of that before. I also did not know, about OC until after she was born ( of course I got lucky, and OC is not H's). YOUR OW is such a lair, I would get DNA ASAP. Good luck to you, I hope she proves to be just what she has all along...a non truth teller ( my 9 y/o does not like the word lair, so she uses that)(((huggs)))MC