Hello, I am new here. However, I have been browsing in here for quite some time.<P>My questions is, has any of you discovered a most-likely affair and not confronted your spouse on it? Were you able to deal with it on your own and move on?<P>I am almost pretty sure my husband had a one-night affair. It started out as an EA. I tried to get him to stop all contract with OW. (OW is ex-livein lover whom he ran into unexpectedly a 1 1/2 years ago) However, we are military and he left for an extended 18 month duty. He returned this April. We were able to see each other every now and then during this time. At the time he became severely depressed and I believe going through a mid-life crisis. Whenever I questioned him about the OW he kept saying that they were just friends. Everytime I asked if he was faithful, he always said yes. He finally broke all contact last summer. We were able to see each other quite a bit that summer and things improved tremendously. It is like we re-invented our marriage, became best friends, etc. I thought we made it through our "little test" and came out better for it.<P>However, in November I saw an email to him from OW saying she was pregnant with his child! We were still apart at this time. I saw him at Christmas and in February but never brought up the email I saw. I thought I had buried it and didn't want to believe it. Plus what I know of her, she can be a very devious person. Since he never said anything to me about it, I figured she must of tricked him into beliving it was his. Now mind you, I don't know how they got together he was in one state, me and my children are in another state, and the OW in yet another state.<P>When he came home in April, I never brought it up. I had forgotten about it and whenever I did occassionaly think about it, I quickly dismissed it. We had a wonderful 2 months together before he left for a foreign country for 6 months. He has told me during his time home that he loves me, feels our marriage is stronger than ever, etc. I get wonderful emails from him now on how much he loves me and misses me.<P>But now this has all come back to haunt me and I don't know what to do. I want to forget all about it, say whatever has happened in the past has happened, it is not effecting our family now, and put it behind me. The OW has not contacted us, has not tried to get support for the OC, I don't even know if it his for sure.<P>Do I just chalk it up to maybe he did/maybe he didn't, whatever happened it's behind us, our marriage is better than ever and move on? I really don't want to confront him on this nor do I want to leave him. Am I coward?<P>

GAgirl,<P>Well, that's a tough one. But, I would confront him with the info you have. If there is a child from this possible one-night stand, then there will be consiquences. Your H could be looking at 18 yrs of child support, regardless of what the OW may promise. If you have read very much on this forum, you will see many wives who's OW had promised they didn't want anything, only to show up a couple years down the road, asking for CS, and being quite nasty about it. I, personally, am not in your shoes, as I was the one who had the A, and became pregnant by an OMM. I won't go into details, just that OM never knew about pregnancy, and H is raising Abbi as if she were OUR child, and he will be the only "Daddy" she will ever know. I have been on this board for about 9 mos, and have come to know most everyone's stories, and from their experiences, I would advise you to talk to H about what you have found out, and take some action. <P>Do you and H have any children? What branch of the military is he in?( we are Navy)<P>Sorry that you had to join this sad but supportive group. Hopefully, someone in your shoes will show up soon.<P>Tigger

Dear GaGirl,<P>What you are going through is a tough one, but I think maybe since you are posting here, you might be ready for the truth. You deserve that. My H was also military, as was ow. He denied everything until she came up pg. Then he told. Our life was hell for about a year (in Ga as a matter of fact) and then it improved greatly. <P>When does he come home? What did you do with the email and since you found it do you think he has seen it? Could have been a ploy, but if there was no A why would she email that? Have you a support group around?<P>We are 2 years in recovery and doing great for the most part. Ow is out of our lives for now. I realize one day she will crawl out from under her rock, but at least we have been blessed with healing time with out her.<P>Love<BR>broken_wings

No matter how hard and hurtful the truth may be, you deserve to know and being in denial will only cause more problems down the road. I suspected my H was having affair and confronted him numerous times only to be told 'No, I'm not'....You can't continue to second guess yourself with not knowing the truth, and it will always be in the back of your mind. If you want things to work out between the two of you, you both have to be totaly honest with each other. Hang in there, take a deep breath, and ask him in a most sincere and non-accusing manner. Keep us posted.