I know from living it that being in out situation is very difficult, especially initially. On some of my posts, some of you have written that you're impressed with me being positive about some things. That's not always true. I have my negative days, moments or whatever you want to call them.<P>It's at those time that I try to remember what a good friend told me. She's 8 years in recovery, but of course without oc. She said that it gets better. It helps if your spouse works hard at trying to help you through the bad times. Unfortunately, she said that no matter what your spouse does, a lot of it has to come from us. Our spouses can only do so much. It's up to us to try to be more positive. Yes, that does require us lonce again leaving ourselves vulnerable, but I think that it just might be worth it if you come out with a better marriage and a better spouse. If we want our marriages to work, we have to push ourselves out of the haze we're in. I know this is hard. I tend to fall into the haze too often. But I figure, if I try to keep more positive and try to not dwell in the haze as much, it might aid my recovery. I don't know about you, but I shure would like to be several years in recovery instead of just 4 months. I would also like to feel more secure, but at the moment this situation is still to new to me. I guess, I'm just going to have to work harder on myself to be more positive and trusting-especially since h seems to be working on it. (yes, you can sense some of my negativity there.)<P> Her father had an affair when mother was pregnant with her brother, and there was an oc produced from that relationship. No one ever knew Apparently, the father did give financial support and occasionally saw the oc. OC later decided when she was in high school, that she wanted to meet her siblings. She wrote father to tell him, and that's when he came clean. My friend said that she never admired anyone more because the oc took a bus on her own and came to meet other family. They admired the oc for her courage, and were surprised that even though she was raised in a broken home, she still cherished many of their same values and beliefs. Friend is in her 50s and her 2 other full siblings are close in age, trailing behind her. Oc has to be atleast in her late 40s and friend refers to her as her sister. The friend's mom had no idea until the oc wrote to father. She acccepted oc into family. OC even attended her funeral last year and mourned her passing with her siblings. The only negative thing was that friend said she could tell that her mother grew bitter over the experience. I don't want to grow bitter. My h came clean to me and wants to make things work. He's working hard at that. I can't let his STUPIDITY change who I am, and I sure as hell can't let ow change who I am through her assinine actions. So, I try to be positive. Sometimes I do that by putting it in writing for you all to read. Hopefully, I can impart some positive thoughts to you, or I can give you something that you can use.<P>Well, I've guess I've said my piece for today. Thanks for reading.<P>ivc

Dear IVC,<BR>My uncle had the exact same situation. His D wanted to meet her brother and sister too. It happened when they were all in highschool. It was a mess at first. A private mess. Now they all get along. My aunt accepts her as her own w/dignity and grace.<P>I always remembered my Aunt during my situation.<P>The family always felt sorry for her burden but she acts as if it's no burden at all.<P>Well told story IVC.<P>Love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Funny,<BR>I was reading this, and everyone knowing now that I dont have OC to worry about...I can say that I think it is actually the A that changes us. really the whole burst the bubble on our marriages. cuz I know this changed me, and I can say at this point not for the better. I have a short fuse, I am not as patient as I use to be. People in general just P*** me off. and things bug me about my H that never did before. OK could be the Pregnancy hormones, but I just found out..so it cant be that. anyway I wonder how much of it is the OC or the actual A. the one thing I have learned from this group of women, is the capicity for love, and OC is just a reminder of the A. anyway just my thought on it. It just got a little better when I found out sharpae face lied (my Bad)...MC<BR>