Catnip, <P>You have been so quiet lately. I was wondering if you were OK. I just saw your response to "Guilt and More Guilt" and was glad to see you post.<P>How are things?<P>MJ

Mrs. Job:<P>I never left! I have been silent for a myriad of reasons. One of them being that sometimes one must know when it is time to back off and let the other kids play. I was concerned that my angry hard edge or style, if you will, might impact newbies negatively. Between you and Heavenly and cdcollins and the warm, comforting, sage advice and wisdom you all dispense, I knew the newbies were in good hands. Sometimes, as I discussed at length with Happy Girl just recently, it's good to know when you know you have attained sufficient healing and have given back what you feel is enough, it's good to leave the forum behind...especially me, who has been on board for over two years. But, being a creature of habit and endlessly curious, I just can't leave all the way. I check in every day and read a little to see what is going on and shoot off my mouth when a button is pushed. Some habits are hard to break and I hate change. The therapy I have received here is invaluable and saved my life, literally. Saved my husband's life, too, as I almost shot him...really.<P>I'll never ever really go away for good but the time has come to back off a bit and concentrate on the millions of issues at hand. I am glad to focus on us and the new life we are building and since we are basically in hiding, we have some pertinent issues looming on the horizon...one of which is that today, I found out we have to leave our hide out in the woods and find another place. I also have a new job that is somewhat demanding and I am starting a project with Bystander and trying to commence the lawsuit agianst the OW, so there are a lot of irons in the fire.<P>As far as am I OK?? Well, I am. It is profoundly ironic that in some ways I have never been happier in my entire life. I feel so pulled together in my head and so strong that I feel as though I could wage war and win. My confidence is at an all time high because of this new strength that awes me (I can't believe what God has given me) and I feel so logical and pragmatic and know instinctively what I should do and what road I should take. The best part about this is that I am no longer lying to myself and face reality full force; no denial, no flinching...in fact, I dare anyone to look at me cross-eyed. I take in bad news with a shrug and "oh well" because NOTHING in this world can hurt me after what I have gone through. There is no pain on earth that is as bad as what I endured since October 98...so, the stuff going on right now is a cake walk. Stuff that would have had me reeling three years ago is nothing to me today.<P>There is something to be said for walking through the fire and surviving. I am just itching to take on the big guns in court with the OW, I want my opportunity to do something, anything, to change the injustices in our legal system, I look forward to solving the puzzle surrounding our life and what our fate will be...a fate not complacent, but an acceptance with logical steps to ensure I/we have done everything in our power to help ourselves through this.<P>See, Mrs. Job, don't encourage me...ask me a question and I might answer...hahaha<P>I looked up the picture of your family on Happy's site and looked at your smiling faces and felt so for your loss and prayed the appeals you make will be God's will and His design, with the efforts you make. Thanks for asking about me, but I is fine!!! I'll probably always be around mouthing off occasionally, but for now, I have to get busy and change my life.<P>Love<P>Catnip =^^=

Dear Mrs. Job and Catnip,<BR>Good subject. Happy to hear from Catnip!!!! I'm so happy for your renewed sense of self. Not that you didn't always have it but I was a little worried lately.<P>Woman you do have so many irons in the fire. I'm anxious to read the book you and bystander may write. I also hope like heck you win in court against ow!!!!!!!<P>Please drop in more frequently....I miss your wisdom.<P>Love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Dearest Catnip,<P>Angry hard edge? No, my dear Catnip, you don't frighten anyone. What you do is shake people a bit and make us put our situations into perspective. The forum has not been the same since you stopped posting. You are an original and there is no one else who has your wisdom and your style.<P>I am so happy to hear that you are moving forward with your life. It is what we all have to do at some point. But, you touched me when you said in your post that there is something to be said for walking through the fire and surviving.<P>That is what I miss most about you -- your strong sense of survival and the way you lead us all towards survival. It feels so good to commisserate with each other. Sometimes you just want to wallow in your own self-pity. But you would always step in, at just the right time, and say - OK guys, enough wallowing, now pick yourselves up and start on the right path. You always knew what the path was. You always made me believe that I could find it. <P>I am one of the lucky ones, Catnip. I have found that path and I have put my world right-side up again. And, when I see others falling into the pit, or stumbling along the way, I try my best to show them the path. But I am a cheap imitation of you, dear Catnip.<P>I am happy for your new life, new job, new peace of mind. But, if you can find the time, I would personally benefit so much from seeing your words of wisdom and motivation. Please become active again. There are so many who need you.<P>I have been on this forum for a very long time and I can tell you from experience that no one comes close to you -- you are truly an original -- a prophet -- that God placed among us to lead us all home. One by one, with your help and guidance, we will all get there.<P>With deepest admiration and affection,<BR>love,<BR>heavenly

Dearest Catnip,<P>I too am happy with how you are doing, and will miss your, sometimes daily, comments about different situations. I hope that you do continue to show up occasionally. I am sure that everyone is anxious to hear how things go with your suit against OW! Please do keep us informed what happens with that. I hope that you and H continue to heal and grow together.<P>Love,<P>Tigger (and Abbi )

Gem, Tigger and especially Heavenly:<P>As impossible as it is to imagine, I am truly speechless and humbled. Thank you for your loving and kind words. It is so gratifying to know that I have contributed in some small way to someone's recovery. You've all helped me in mine.<P>Since I feel I am always seething about something, I often hesitated to post my true feelings because I hated to break the 'feel-good' chain in the thread I was crashing, but it was also my responsiblity to not lie about my perceptions, even if it pist someone off.<P>I guess when I decided not to be a people pleaser anymore, I went from the sublime to the ridiculous...the anonymity of the MB Forum certainly provided a wonderful venue for me to practice my new honesty...of course it would not be true honesty unless I learned first to be painfully honest with myself. And I still wonder occasionally if I am being honest with myself...tough to face sometimes.<P>Once the problems are resolved, I'll be back more often. I have to find solutions to some of these time sensitive issues and will keep you updated on the suit. As soon as OW's served, I will post the particulars. In the meantime, I won't be far away and will check in as often as I can.<P>You sure know how to make a gal feel special...kind of nice after the rejection and all the crap that went with it. Thank you.<P>Love<P>Catnip =^^= <p>[This message has been edited by catnip (edited July 04, 2001).]

Catnip,<P> (It is so gratifying to know that I have contributed in some small way to someone's recovery)<P> A small way thats an understatement, you have played a huge part in my recovery. You have a way that no one else can match its not bullying its strength without the determination and fire that you have expressed so many times. I dont think I would have been able to find mine again.<BR> Heavenly you to have such a way with your words that you comfort so many I feel you to have played a huge role in my recovery also.<BR> I do have to say mycross you have such a sense of what is right and the fire in your soul has amused me so many times you remind me the most of catnip. When you found out the test were neg I was so happy for you but sad because I thought we would lose you. I'm glad you stayed.<BR> Mrs Job I was going to say it before and didnt that you are like our own personal counsiler you to have such a wonderful head full of help. <BR> Gem with with the grace and class you display and humor in your heart even when things were so hard for you.Shows what a great person you are. God must be proud that he created you.<BR> Oh Tigger to show us your side of this has took such courage with what went on in your lives. I can see how I could have found myself in the same situation if it had ever gotten that far and your little Abby has made it possible for me to be able to now look at other little babies without feeling the rotten feelings I used to have, looking at that sweet little face melted away all that bitterness. <P> There are just to many great people her to mention everyone. I hate leaving anybody out there are so many that have hepled me if you reading this just know that we are all stepping stones for each other in our search to find our way down this insane road. <BR> <BR> Now that I have rambled on and on. Good luck Catnip go get her show her that cats always land on there feet even when there throwed off the highest building you can find.<BR> with love flowerseed<BR> <P> <P> <BR> <BR> <p>[This message has been edited by flowerseed (edited July 05, 2001).]

Hi Catnip,<P>I do miss your presence and postings, and it was so good to hear your update.<P>As we have discussed, there are some similarities to our stories, and observing how you have handled and are handling things is a source of strength to me. <P>I hope the problem that arose again recently w/your H is resolved and pray for your continued strength.<P>love, anniem