Well, we've finally moved. The new chapter in our lives has begun. My life/our life seems to be back on track. Now our lives are truly meshing and intertwining. It's kind of scary. We are sharing so much more than what we use to. Our son is growing by leaps and bounds-he's a joy to observe, especially, when he interacts with his father. My husband has definitely changed for the better. <P>Why am I still so pessimistic? It's sometimes so difficult for me to not feel bad about what led us to this point in our lives. Sometimes that pessimism and sadness doesn't let me enjoy the present, and what my husband is now. He promises that nothing will ever happen again, and I need to hear him say that, but then I tell him that his word didn't mean anything in the past, so why should I believe it now. His actions spoke soooo much louder. He tells me that's all in the past, and if I can't take him for his word, then I should focus in on his actions. He has changed sooooo much. I guess I'm afraid that he might go back to his old crappy self. See, its seems as if I'm the one bringing myself down. It really stinks because I have so much good happening right now, and our future looks so bright. Is this normal? Will it get better. Will I be able to enjoy our new lease on life?<P>I'm also concerned about other people finding out. I don't want people here in our new hometown to know. We might be here for the rest of our lives. I want to live in peace without any spectors or slut following us. I'm not in denial. I know that we have oc and cs to deal with. Eventually, if she wants contact, it will be ok. When she's older, we'll work on visitation, but does that mean that everyone will need to know about our "dirty laudry"? I feel that it's no one's business but our own. I guess that I'm just so paranoid about everything right now. Will that also settle. I feel like I'm on an emotional rollercoaster. I primarily have good days, and then I have bottom out days. I don't really care for those days of pessimism and sadness. <P>Sorry, but I had to get this out of my system in hopes of having a better time and enjoying the new and improved chapter of our lives.<P>ivc

IVC,<BR>You are not pessimistic. Just cautious. I think that's natural. It's hard not to be. For me , I will recognize the signs and feelings that something is wrong. I knew something was wrong but blamed it on life's circumstances at the time.<BR>I can say now I live each day thanking God for all of the gifts he has given me. All the miracles he's shown me.<P>I cleaned house like a wild woman after a great july 4th party w/friends and family.(both sets of parents...all who know, all were gracious and kind). Many people would complain....I thanked God for the ability to clean and the reason I cleaned...I have a full life w/friends and family. Everyone who came here knows. They are all so happy H and I are together. They SEE the difference in him.<P>A song came on during the party. "You Sang To Me" I forget right now who sings it(old age?) But H turned it up and mouthed the words and the crowd all said "awwwwwww" He said when he was away and heard that song he cried because it was so true. OH yeah...Marc Anthony sings it.TADA!!!<P>I wish you the best on your move. Relax and be happy. God will take care of the rest.<P>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

IVC,<P>I know exactly what you mean. I do "stir" the pot so to speak. But My H feels it is a "normal" response to the breakdown in the trust. so I guess I am lucky, he understands.<P>As far as "people" finding out.. well in the "community" of people you and your H deal with...you know that rumor mill..<BR>the rumors may fly (if anyone ever found out)..just make sure YOU OR YOUR H dont say anything. IT IS NO ONES BUSINESS...PERIOD.. IVC their are always the rumors there...ALWAYS..the stories I have heard throughout My 17+ years would raise your hair or crack you up...most of it is just Boredom..these guys DONT HAVE THE TIME...and the women..well they will gossip, But they will be careful...THEY KNOW..it could be them...NEVER ADMIT TO ANYTHING if asked...and trust me you will probably never be asked... A rumor may fly..then it will die down, and it will go away. Just be your Gracious self, and have your H just laugh off any rumor, It will go away...You are far away from the OW and OC...she is not going to move anywhere near you..she has her family where she is now..she will have NO SUPPORT there...DONT EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT.. rumor will be just that....and I dont have to tell you how "high School" all these people can get...it will never be vaildated, and it will just go away...((((Huggs)))) to you...enjoy your new freedom (away from the TX Witch)..."M"

Hey, Gem:<P>Your husband "lip-synced"...I, on the other hand "Mouth" off. Hahaha<P>BTW, thanks for sharing the tender moment with us...I loved it (sniff) And in front of everyone, too! The man has it baaaad.<P>Catnip =^^=

Catnip my goodness you are too much! And you do mouth off in the very best way.<BR>I had to tell you all of the mush mush that has been going on. It's soooo cool! I feel 18 again and love it.<BR>Ow in Fla till aug. We leave for Ft. Lauderdale aug. 3- 10.<BR>Staying at a hotel on the beach. Stayed there in '92 when H built mall stores in Miami. Great place...ocean front view. I can't wait!<P>After that the court stuff will probably take place. I'm kind of scared. I wish we could do it before we go but no one will be in town.<P>Love<BR>Debi<BR>o-my....I said 82 I meant 92!!!<BR>------------------<BR>Imagine....<p>[This message has been edited by gemini1 (edited July 07, 2001).]

Dear IVC,<P>I'm not able to always enjoy the present either.<BR>Some days are very bad and I feel worse because my<BR>young children are missing out. I know it is up to me<BR>to pull myself out of this...I just dont always feel<BR>strong enough to do it. My h TRIES and for that I am<BR>grateful. I wish we could have had this closeness without<BR>the pain that led us to this point. But there is no going<BR>back only forward.<P>Does it help to know you aren't alone with your feelings?<BR>You haven't known for very long, give it time.<BR>Take care and Congratulations on your new home!!!<BR>Love, fluke