Just wondering, but who in your families know about all of this? In my case, no family knows at all. My H has only told his best guy friend, and I have only told a friend that lives a long ways away, but had a marriage end because of infidelity. Other than that, no one knows.......well, unless you add in the counselors, the lawyers, the state of Minnesota..... . I think my parents would just hate my H for this, for hurting me......at least at first.....they are a pretty forgiving sort and know the stuff happens. I think it would depend on how it is presented to them.<P>My H's family is another story. I don't know what they would do. His parents divorced after 35 years of marriage because my MIL found out my FIL was cheating on her. She gave him a second chance, and he did it again, and he was out the door. This happened shortly before I met my H. His brothers and sisters were pretty devastated by what their dad had done to their mother. My H promised me he would never do that to me, yet here I sit. I often have gotten the impression, from his mom and sisters, that I am not good enough for my H, so sometimes I feel that if they found out, that they would be sympathetic to the OW. My H doens't think so, especially since the OW seems to be pretty hateful and bitter. I don't know if they would want to see the child or not. My H and I have only daughters, and the OC is a boy. <P>One thing that is kind of weird about this whole thing, is that about 6 years ago, my BIL killed himself. He was in the service and had a wife, three girls and a baby on the way. We know that he had been spending A LOT of time away from home, supposedly, working on his hobby. He was in the Army. The suicide was a complete surprise.....no one saw the typical signs, and the note he left, gave no clues as to why he did this. I remember my H and his family telling me about one of his fellow officers being particularly distraught about his death, and then she was gone from his unit for several months and then came back. A couple of years later, I remember telling my H that perhaps his brother was having an affair with this co-worker, and got her pregnant, and was so ashamed that he killed himself. My H said he thought that was possible. At the time I told my H this, I suspect that he was already involved with his OW. You know what they say, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree....<P>Anyway, I am off the subject. What were the reactions of family members when they found out?

dacasarest,<BR> There is only one person that knows and that is my oldest girl 24. She is from my first marriage. I felt I had to tell her she had my first Grandson 2 weeks before oc was born. I found out about oc when my Grandson was 4 weeks old it took all my joy away the oc is a boy also and thats all I could think of. I was so full of hate, anger ,sadness everything you can think of and it showed whenever I looked at my Grandson. My poor daughter thought it was something to do with her and the new baby. <BR> I went to the hospital to watch Grandson be born. I think about how the ow could have been in the next room dilivering and I would't have even known. I do recall now though that h had a funny look on his face when my daughters h called to say they were heading to the hospital. <BR> I'm sitting here thinking with all the damage this does to so many lives especially the children why in the h*** couldnt these people have thought for one second what they were doing. Oh well just having a bad moment. Going to go murder some weeds maybe that will help. with love flowerseed

Dear dacasarest,<P>In my case, only my mom and mil and one best friend know.<BR>Ow never went thru dna so we dont even know what the truth<BR>is for us to bring this hell upon our children(and they <BR>are very young anyway).<P>I always worry what the ow's story is to her family.<BR>It burns me up that she would badmouth my H because <BR>he really is a good guy, not in her eyes obviously.<P>A belated welcome to this site. Sorry for the reason you<BR>are here. Take care, fluke

Everybody, and i mean everybody around me knows. The OW made sure that evrybody knew when I first demanded no contact with the OC. I think many ow will "play noce" for a while but then the claws come off and they want to hurt so for those of you who have not told be prepared because most likely the Ow will eventually tell everyone she can. I know my ow put all my hubbys info her the oc baby book and openly told/tells oc and evryone else who oc daddy is so eventually the oc themselfs will be sharing "the news' with everyone. Sorry this is a downer we didn't have our planned visit with oc and i am bummed.

The whole family knows. Heck the whole TOWN knows. I really do not care what they think anymore.<P>Family has been supportive of me and MY decisions...including all in-laws!<P>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Hi there and sorry to have to welcome you to our support group here. I am glad you found us, just sorry you had to.<P>In my case, noone in my family knows. I choose to keep it that way. Ow freaked out one time bc we changed our phone # and she called my mothers house and left a message on my mom's answer machine. This is ow and I need MM to call me at #. My mom thought she was a bill collector. Ow was at least smart enough to not leave any info on the machine. I think I would have boarded a plane and killed her. I ahd been nice to her until this and I called her house and got her machine. I told her if she EVER EVER called my mothers house again I would pree harrassment charges. I left it at that and she never called again.<P>All my friends know and I do think my mom suspects but I have never told and she has never asked. To me it is not an issue that my mom needs to be involved in at this point. We have no contact with oc and have no plans to do so in the future. I believe most of his friends know also.<P>His mom and dad know but do not care. Ow used to call my mother in law before I knew anything. She used to cry to her about how in love with my H she was and would try to extract sympathy from MIL. MIL claims she told ow that ow knew H was married and it was her own fault. Not sure that I believe that but whatever. FIL just pretends it never happened. MIL and FIL are not together. SIL used to talk to ow also. I was talking to SIL right after this happened and I got another call. We I came back and said "hello" she did not hear me. She was too busy telling her friend that I should have known afterall H's ex-wife had walked in on me and H. And that the only reason H didnt want his father to know was that he was afraid he would be disinherited. He just wanted the $. Not one single bit of it was true. Not one word. I would have never messed with someone elses family and it really hurt that SIL would make up such b.s. Wow, I am really running away with this today....arent I? <BR>Love<BR>broken_wings<P>

Too many people know in my circle of family on my Mom's side, but my Dad's side does NOT know, nor does my husband's family. One of our kid's suspects something's up but not wuite sure what it is. I chose not to tell my step sister because she tends to be self-righteous and into one-upmanship. <P>I noticed the people who know the truth do not look at my husband with the respect and admiration they once had for him, and to me, I feel this somehow diminishes me because I sometimes feel the fool because I stayed with all the problems we have had. I struggle with this sometimes. And it pains me that people think less of my husband.<P>People on our industry who know about this (he met the OW at a party given by an industry mucky-muck) laugh at my husband behind his back for being such a yutz. Most know about his outrageous and reckless behavior as well which is very embarassing to me, and very sad. Most do not know about his illness, just think he is off the charts nuts. Which I guess he is.<P>Looking back, I wish I would have kept my big mouth shut and not told anyone. It is horrible to be in so much pain that the only relief you can get is by blabbing...then regretting it months later.<P>Catnip =^^=<P>

My brothers and the wives of two of them know about the affair. His sisteer-in-law and brother know about the A & OC. No one has brought it up in the years since it all happend. Our oldest son knows about OC, but his younger sibs do not. <BR> My H was and is too ashamed to discuss it. We had a neighbor when this was going on, her H was a serial adulterer. I remember talking to My H about how much pain she endured due to her H's cheating. His response was "What a scumbag" then there was total silence, then a light dawned, " I am not much better am I?" he said to me in a quiet sad voice. Up until then he had felt superior to this guy. How they do deceive themselves.<BR>See ya, Texasgirl

Right now the only ones that know are H siblings and their children, all adults. But he did not tell them. I told his older sister because we are close, and she has been very supportive to me. We had planned on keeping it private until last week when H was on visit with 3yr oc and he ran into his niece. So it is all open in his family. This afternoon I think he is actually having a face to face meeting with his sister for the first time to talk to a neutral person. In a way I feel sad that I will be losing a person I could really vent to, because I know that she will be very supportive to H, she wants to meet 2 oc, she has always been like mother to him (20yr age diff.) My family on the other hand will never be told. That is the one promise I made H make to me out of this whole mess. <BR>I think also this week H will be discussing this with his boss, I am nervous about how this will turn out, but it has to be done because ow will be coming back to work in 4 weeks now, and after last week parading into office, it is bound to come out. I wish I had your attitude Gemini. I forget how long it has been for you, how long did it take you to get to this point?<BR>Catnip, I really sympathize with what you are saying, I too feel that every one is talking behind H back, also I feel the lack of respect that is felt towards H.