To protect yourself, Hutch, you may have to consider a faux divorce that no one has to know about in your families. My husband and I did this to protect me from the OW attaching what little we have left. We were divorced in February but continue to live as we always have. I often forget we ARE divorced because we are so...us.<P>If you and your wife have not totally committed to one another, it really is too soon to tell only being two months from D-Day, whether or not this reconcilliation is for real. <P>In order to determine this, BOTH of you must study and implement the Harley principles addressed on this site. You will both have to read and adhere to the Rules of Honesty, the Rule of Protection and BOTH of you must totally commit yourselves to The Policy of Joint Agreement in order for your marriage to begin the healing process.<P>The reason I suggest a faux divorce is to protect you from any future obligation to the OC should your wife continue to see the OM or have him in the OC's life or up and leave you. Regardless of whether or not your wife eventually leaves and runs off with OM or someone else, you would remain financially responsible for a child that is not really your obligation if the child is born to her while married to you. In most states, you would be presumed the father of this child even though OC carries none of your DNA, simply because you are maried to its mother. It is just a way to protect you from ending up "nailed to the income shares cross" should you end up being betrayed again. <P>If you have been divorced to protect yourself from this possibility, no one in either of your families or any of your friends need to know, unless you choose to tell them. <P>When was the last time she had contact with OM? And does he know she is pregnant? Is she completely recommitted to you and the marriage or is she still vascillating or having withdrawal of any kind? These are a few of the questions you must ask yourself.<P>We were divorced quietly through a paralegal for $600 as there was no contest. My husband then filed a Quit Claim deed turning the property over to me in my name only. Your wife should be willing to do this as well, under the circumstances.<P>Some know, some do not. The ones that know seem to have forgotten we are legally divorced because we are much like we used to be and it has become 'no big deal'. At the time, it was an emotional tsunami, scary and very, very sad. Now we are more in love and devoted to one another as never before...because he loved me that much, trusted me that much and desperately wanted to be together and in my life, that much, to give me a non contested divorce and turn all our assets over to me should the OW continue her campaign to take every available dime from us, including our house, if she were able. I am protected. I suggest you do what you can to protect yourelf from ending up an unwilling meal ticket should things go south.<P>Remember, if you and your wife are really, really committed to reconciliation and the trust begins to build again, you can be a family with her and OC and support them both because you desire to and not because you are forced to do so. Oh, and leave OM out of the picture entirely or consider adoption as an option. It is a loving and generous thing to do for the child if there are acceptance issues.<P>Good luck<P>Catnip =^^=
