My H did sleep with an ow, I will not call it an affair because in all honesty there was nothing but sex and to me an affair has feelings involved, anyway he did it ow got pregnant had a child 5 years ago, I found out when child was 1.5 years olddec 1997 and h at that time said he wanted nothing to do with oc or ow and he wanted to be with me etc etc, so we went on with our lives until October 2000 when ow contacted h and said all this crap about how her child needs a daddy and oc calls other men daddy big sob story so h guilted out went behind my back and saw oc with ow there of course about 3 times a month he spent the whole day with them I basically knew but he would not admit it until he decided he was not into doing this on a permanent basis nad told me about it, at that point I wrote Ow a letter telling her about our baby girl who at that time was 17 months old and I knew that h had not told ow because he thought that if he told her she would not let h see oc which is probably true, anyway I wrote and told her some very basic truths about H , ( unfortunatly my h is the biggest wuss in the world and can't tell anyone what he feels he doesn't want anyone to not like him, poor baby!!ya right) anyway I told her about our baby and that he was playing games with her head which he was and I also said to her, "if H decided to have anything to do with your child, you child could be staying in MY house and I could be your childs stepmother and you know what else, Your child would love me because all kids do" totally idle threat because if h did have anything to do with oc I would walk out that door so fast but she doesn't know that right! anyway that was in the first week of March and so far no sign of her, she has not tried to contact him at all, but I am having a hard time trusting him, why should I have to watch him for signs, sometimes I feel like leaving just to get rid of this constant stress that I am under everyday 24/7, anyone else been through something like this? sometimes I wish the ow and her whole family would just dissapear, I really do not feel that she is a threat she is so ugly it is just that I am tired of all this crap and it will never go away will it? sorry for the rambling just kinda getting to me today, too hot outside I think

neverforget I think he lied because he didn't want to face the truth with you. He maybe DID know you'd be upset and went to prevent your further being hurt. NO EXCUSE!!!!<P>That is a wrong thing to do. After all that time it must have seemed like another affair when he spent secret time w/ow and c.<P>It will take time to gain any trust again. Your H should do what he can to assure you he's not seeing c.<P>Did he have dna? Do you pay cs?<P>He should dedicate his time to you and your D. Hopefully in time with his actions and words you will relax again. I am so sorry you have to feel this way everyday. Talk to H and let him know how you feel in a non-attack way. It will be hard but let him feel safe with you to let his feelings be known.<P>I will pray for you.<P>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

dear never,<BR>welcome to the board and I'm sorry you haven't gotten more responses to your painful situation. <P>I think in a way you have answered your own questions. You said "unfortunatly my h... can't tell anyone what he feels he doesn't want anyone to not like him". No self confidence? That will make him vulnerable to affairs. Also, conflict avoider!!! If you go to <A HREF="http://www.affairs-help.com" TARGET=_blank>www.affairs-help.com</A> you can click on a quiz that tells you what TYPE of affair it was based on your answers. It is important to recovery to figure out what things added to the affair and change them so you don't have to worry so much about a repeat! If he is not willing to look at your marriage or himself and do that for your recovery, what IS he willing to do for your marriage?? You know what I mean? That's the least he can do after the damage he's done.<P>"it will never go away will it?" Where OC is in the picture, we cannot relax in exactly the way other couples recovering from affairs can--that's an 18 year issue, minimum. However, your marriage CAN get better if you work on it TOGETHER. It takes a couple years average to recover from adultery with both people trying. It sounds like you're doing most of the work right now. It has to be a 2way street!<P>I'll also pull up my tips for newbies post.<P>Godbless,<BR>J <p>[This message has been edited by Jenny (edited July 10, 2001).]

Dear never,<BR>Well, whatever you do, try not to take out your anger on the OC. This person was born into a shameful, and unfortunate situation where unnecessary pain was created for his/her entire life. Sure, your H was a jerk and sure, the OW behaved like a jerk and a slut, but the OC is innocent, really. I just hope that you and H can work things out so that you guys can rebuild and deal with the OW in a civilized manner for the sake of the innocent little one. The OC has a lifetime of shame and pain ahead...