It's been a rough 8 months. That's how long I've known. H's affair ended late July 2000.<BR>My attitude comes from God giving me the grace to endure. You know....love is patient, love is kind, etc....1 corinthians 12-4.<BR>I didn't only read it...I learned to LIVE it.<P>My H has made a complete commitment to me all over again. It's as if I walk on water w/him. It has made all the difference in the world. We are a true team. I feel safe w/him again. Things he says and does are like when we were newlyweds...no kidding, Tina I feel 18 again.<P>Humor has helped. We actually joke about it now. He realizes his stupidity and is greatful God gave him a second chance w/me. It was not easy. I think once he saw ow true motives were about HIM and their relationship and not about baby and H's and my relationship he began to change. Therein comes the grace from God.<P>I called ow and arranged for first meeting of baby at our home. I guess ow hated the experience so much she lashed out and told H if he wanted to see baby HE would have to call. She won't take my calls anymore. My H wondered WHY??? The whole pregnancy she was worried he wouldn't be a dad...she lied! She's only concerned that they maintain a relationship because of baby.<P>H told her in a letter that I typed for him that it's about the baby...not her wishes. There is no reason for them to talk. Anything she needs to say she can call ME and I will get the message across. He told her it was never "love" between them and she knew it because he always said he wanted a life w/me. She didn't deny that in her letter back to him calling him everything under the sun. H just calls her a bi**h and c*nt now....realizes she kept baby to complicate everyones lives. Motives were not moral!!!<P>So you see Tina it's easy for me. H puts me on cloud 9!! Right up there w/the angels....heh heh heh...<P>Hope this helped everyone to know how I turned around.<P>Prayers work. I am a true example of a miracle of God!!!<P>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Gemini,<BR>Thanks for the uplift today. I think I will take the cue from you and set up to have the first oc meeting for me at our home also, H has been twice to see oc but I have yet to have the nerve or confidence I need to do this yet. I figure in 6 weeks both our children will be gone,( college for one and moving to new city and job for other) I will be more comfortable not worrying about who will be popping in. <BR>H has been really trying to do everything right since dday 3months ago. There are still a few things that tick me off, but has really changed many of the old habits. I think sometimes it's me that is undermining progress, not letting go of the hurt, and anger. I know I am only punishing myself feeling this way. <BR>Anyway... Thanks for caring.

Tina I was no where near recovery at 3 months. I still was stuck on the yet- to- be- born baby. Not my marriage. H wasn't doing what it took. I felt he wanted new baby more than US!<P>It took until after the baby was born for H to come around to the place I needed him to be. Almost divorced him. He moved home and begged me to try again. I still saw my lawyer about getting things in order should he falter in his promises. I still mean it. No excuses and lies again. Open about everything. If I find out different as hard as it will be so help me I will leave so fast his head will spin off!!!(both of 'em....ha..ha...ha...).<BR>I guess it's a confidence I now feel about myself also.<P>How old is oc again? Child support? DNA done? <P>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Gemini, <BR>There are 2 oc. One is 3 and the other is 2 1/2 weeks. A had been going on for 5 years. H was ready to confess at Thanksgiving time before he knew of oc#2. He is now in the process of determining paternity. Ow is dragging her feet because of course "we both know what the outcome will be".Unfortunately I do also. As for cs he is paying $1000 until end of the year, then to be increased, I'm so happy for her. He has been discussing everything with our attorney, and so far we are doing everything informally. She did not want any cs, only wanted to know if H wanted to be a part of ocs life. Only thing formally done was to change our wills to protect our children. <BR>Today H is looking into finding a new marriage counselor for us. He is trying to do everything right, I just think I am undermining our progress. I think that if I let go of the hurt, he will feel he is off the hook so to speak. Hard to put it into words.

Tina be sure that cs is court ordered. In some states it's considered a "gift" when money has been paid informally.<P>What I mean if court is involved they may not pay attention to fact H has given any money at all!!!<P>Be careful.<P>As far as a counselor I don't blame you. That sure was a lot of risks H took. Didn't think it could happen 2x's huh?<P>Oh goodness!!!!<P>Is it over? Are you sure? Happy you're seeing an attorney.<P>Bless you Tina. If H truly is remorseful he'll allow you all the time you need. Try not to "wallow" all of the time. Save it for here or a counselor.<P>I don't know what to say except she duped him twice. Kid's don't realize a lot of times you still get burned by the same fire!!! Men should!<P>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Excuse me for barging in.<P>Tina said: I think that if I let go of the hurt, he will feel he is off the hook so to speak.<P>Oh I know that feeling!! Have you tried telling your husband? The more of my H's remorse I heard and the more I saw him trying, the more I felt I should at least be quieter about it. The wounds are deep and the healing is slow. <P>

Jenny, <BR>I also feel that during the days that I am not verbally expressing my anger that I am feeling much more positive about our future. It was another visitation day for H and oc#1 and I didn't feel the need so much to drill him over every detail. Day by day.