OK <BR> A new question or issue for the experts. I make significantly more than my husband. For those of you who don't know me my husband and I are separated and have just started counseling. <P> I admit to sticking him for every penny I can but only what is legal. He has to pay me 31% of his net income to support 4 children and 50% of all medical, psychiatric, dental, childcare etc. This is not punitive but exactly as NYstate law dictates. He's lucky the OW isn't asking for her 17% for their child. Anyway he has been very fair about paying child support etc. <P> I have made it a point to not let my children feel like they are deprived in anyway. The ballet lessons, soccer, summer camp, tennis lessons etc. are still going on. I have been redecorating the house slowly. It gives me something to concentrate on and I feel it is a point of honor to THRIVE rather than roll over dead. <P> However I made a big mistake filing taxes I filed as "Head of Household" which meant he had to be out of the house for 6 months. I wasn't thinking and was a little intimidated having never done this type if thing before. I said yes he had been out of the house but I was adding till March when I filed. So he got hit with a big penalty which he is very angry about. I explained my mistake. He says he understands but still is pissed about it. I offered to borrow against my pension and pay it for him but he said no.<P> So that brought us to, How can I buy new curtains or go away for the weekend or buy the kids a puppy etc. I refuse to let his choices bring us down but it seems that he is jealous that we are doing OK and he is suffering.<P>I realize that a dynamic in our relationship has been who is the biggest martyr. I refuse to play about this. I refuse to be made to feel bad about living well when he left the marriage. <P>It always seems to come down to anger that he doesn't deal with but just simmers. Any thoughts?<BR> Kris

Dear Quakermom,<P>I get so upset at this men, you are only claiming what belongs to you and your children born of marriage it's not your fault if you are doing financially better. Your h is just paying the consequeces of his poor choices. Do not worry about the money he owes to the IRS, you offered to pay him the money and he said no. I am glad you and your kids are doing fine at least financially,and they are not deprived as it always happens when the parents separate.<P>I did also filed my 2000 tax return as Head Of Household although we never separated, hey but the IRS doesn't know that as a result H owe to the IRS $2000 dollars which he's being paying in monthly installments. The reason why I did this was so upset at him, and I can also say to get even at him, because he had spend half the money from our refund from 1999 on OW. I was snooping around one date I found a bank statement he had hidden in a box, I was so shock to see how much he had spend on this whore. I regret doing this<BR>but at the time I was full of anger.<P>with love mina

Chris,<BR> From what I understand the tax laws to be if you make more then your h you have to claim head of household. I say tough titty to h if he dont like the way things are then maybe he needs to work harder on making you want to stay married to him. That might not be the greatest answer but its how I feel. I probley not much help I do feel I have an attitude today. This crap on news lately has put me in a mood. with love flowerseed

Just FYI on tax laws...HoH is when it is just you and at least one dependent..like a child or parent that you pay more than 50% of their support. It doesnt matter if you who makes more $ just bc when you file this way in the eyes of the IRS you are not married. That is why they ask if you have lived together for the past 6 months. (and that is of the year) After that amount of time I guess they figure you arent getting back together..who really knows where that logic came in. Just a little warning though for those that file HoH or are thinking of doing it that way....once you have file Married/Joint and then file HoH and then file Married/Joint again your chances are higher for an audit. Only because a lot of people file HoH fraudulently. If you get along well enough and you are still legally married it is almost always more beneficial to file Joint. That is what I always advise.<p>[This message has been edited by broken_wings (edited July 11, 2001).]

Dear brokenwings,<P>I am going to claim from now on Head of Household, since I filed separation from h in order to receive childsupport for my children, to lower ow amount. I do not have anything to worry.