Well,<P>It’s been quite a while since I’ve posted. I was so devastated last week that I could barely manage getting to work. <BR>The results came back the dreaded 99.9. The judge, in is infinite wisdom thought that the back state aid she was receiving should be paid by a responsible adult…i.e. my H. Gee, does that mean she’s not a responsible adult???<BR>WE will be paying 795.00 per month starting in August up until November when the permanent support order is established. This covers 265.00 that the state is giving her, plus 535 for the child’s expenses…<P>Starting this week (how ironic) the baby will be in day care. The mutha (not a typo) works only 80 hours per month. The judge told her she has until November to up her hours and pay in order to provide more financial support for her own child. For the life of me, I couldn’t’ imagine someone telling me I have to work more hours to provide for my child!!! I think for most of us, that’s a given.<BR>Well, our lawyer will be taking the case for the permanent support order in November. She will subpoena child care records, pay stubs, and rent receipts (I don’t think she’s paying rent). I’ll be working on the will and separate insurance policy in the event I/we die in an untimely manner.<P>In the mean time, my H has been dragging his feet about contacting the mutha’s father. Her father has agreed to be a liaison for now, I guess until a permanent custody/visitation agreement is reached. My H is so ashamed right now! He has to acknowledge to the world how he f@@@ed up. I’m struggling with trying to support him in this. I know he wants to do what’s right, otherwise he wouldn’t have drug us through to this point. However, I’m at a point where I want to tell him….put your ego and pride on a backburner and do what you said you would do for this child!!!! BUT….what keeps me from taking that route is the faint possibility that this will all go away by my H deciding that he doesn’t’ want to participate in this child’s life. Either way, he has to make the next moves. All I can do is support him either way.<P>All in all, I feel like it’s a battle we had to loose to win a much more critical war. If this child will be in our lives, it will be our way, when and where we want it. We are more than paying the price of admission!<BR>

I hope things go better next time. we were told that it does NOT matter if the OW apys rent or not. In PA the way one "party" choices to live does not make a difference. They say because on ehas a 2000/month mortage and one has a 200/month rent it doesn't matter. our OW pays barely anything and we were told it doesn't matter. if she wants to live "frugaly" she can. The only thng that does affect is the amount she claims for childcare. her mother watches the child but our lawyer adviced us not to fight that because she can always choice to put oc in a really expensive daycare and then we will get hit even worse. we tried the rnt vs mortage thing, our mortage is high and we were told to adjust our lifestyle. go figure.

matthews,<BR>I'm so sorry. We expect it but it hurts so much anyway. Money issues are another dig... so bad for the families that already exist. It doesn't feel like it right now but you ARE doing great M! Letting H deal with the natural consequences and being supportive of him is the way to go... let the consequences and his conscience do the work. It will get better with time, for all of you.<P>Prayers and angel hugs,<BR>J

Dear Matthew,<P>I am sorry for your news. I was hoping it would turn<BR>out happier for you...like My Cross.<BR>I understand your feelings of losing this battle to<BR>win the WAR. It's not a battle we would ever choose <BR>to fight but here we are...<BR>I hope that you continue to recover with your H.<BR>All the best for you! I have always been inspired by<BR>the kindness in your posts. <BR>Hugs to you, fluke<P><BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>All in all, I feel like it’s a battle we had to loose to win a much more critical war. If this child will be in our lives, it will be our way, when and where we want it. We are more than paying the price of admission<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Here's to you Matthew! I agree!!! Bless you dear woman....<P>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Matthew,<BR> I to was hoping things could be diffrent for you guys. <BR>So sorry that it wasnt just hang in there it will get better. I know how hard it is with the money being taken away thats one thing I still have a hard time dealing with that. I just had to teach this old dog some new tricks we will see if they work. with love flowerseed

Thanks to all of you for your kind and supportive words. I feel so beat down about the whole thing. It seems like no matter how much I throw myself on the cross for my marriage, and in some ways, for this child, I get kicked in the teeth. I know my H is caught in the middle of it all so it's no better for him.<P>I truly cherish you all for your time and attention. Hugs and prayers to all of you in return!

Dear Matthew6:14, 15<P>I am so sorry that you did not escape this. I wish you could have; I wish we all could have. <P>We haven't done p. testing yet, but we think that we will at Christmas. We are not going to invovle OW nor even tell her. H is listed as father on birth certificate and as such has the right to consent to medical procedures for OC. We are going to the lab with OC (when we next see her at Christmas). They will draw blood from my H and take a buccal smear from OC (just wiping the inside of the cheek with a Q-tip to gather a few cells). If the test were invasive for the child, I think we would have to tell OW that we were getting it done, but since it is noninvasive, I don't want all the hysteria that would go with telling her that we are doing it. I have a lab all lined up in the city where OW and OC live.<P>My H is positive that this child is his because OW was so in love with him. I am about 99% certain, but would like the medical/scientific confirmation. I am sure that in six months I will be in your shoes. You really know in your heart what the results are going to be, but seeing them on paper has got to hurt a lot.<P>Lean on our Lord. He has brought you safe thus far and He will see you all the way home to Him. I will hold you and your family in prayer.<P>MJ<P>------------------------<BR>Turn you eyes upon Jesus<BR>Look full in His wonderful face <BR>And the things of earth will grow strangely dim<BR>In the light of His glory and grace