I spoke at length with C&Y caseworker about our situation. She, in turn, spoke with her supervisor, and they came up with the following plan for us:<P>On our first 4 hour visit, we will spend 2 hours with oc at grandma's house, and will take her alone for 2 hours unsupervised. Caseworker said that is just for oc's benefit, considering the circumstances, to give her a little more time to adapt. She said it is not meant as a reflection on us at all. She said that even if oc cries, we are to put her in the car and go with her. I certainly hope it doesn't come to that, but you never know what ow will tell her about us between now and then. Caseworker says we are to be loving but firm, and that no matter what, she is to go with us for the two hours. She is going to call ow and tell her that they are NOT to interfere with this process, and that it would be in her best interest to start encouraging oc to bond with us. After this time, our time with oc alone will increase.<P>The caseworker was absolutely horrified that ow has not told oc how we are related to her. Says we should sit down and explain it to her as soon as we get her alone. We will be introducing our sons to her as her brothers, and will inform her that h is her father and I am her stepmother. Ow and grandmother will be warned prior to our visit that their behavior must stop immediately.<P>I don't like the idea of having to spend another crappy two hours with grandma, but if that's what it takes, we'll do it. we want to show C&Y that we're willing to cooperate with anything they ask us to do. Let ow be the one fighting with them every step of the way.<P>So, that's where we are right now.<BR>-cd

You have a good caseworker. I like that she is stepping in and laying the ground rules ahead of time. Whether Granny and OW comply is out of your hands now that they are aware of the problem.<P>With consistency and love, the OC will see eventually that you are not the monsters they (OW & Granny) present you to be. It may be rocky in the beginning...she has had such awful people playing with her little head, she's confused and afraid. But, stay strong...she will turn around.<P>So, are you up for the challenge? You're absolutely amazing, cd. I am actually happy for this child... very soon, after the rough spots have been filed down, she is going to have a family she is comfortable with and this will change the course of her life, and yours, forever.<P>Love<P>Catnip =^^=

CD....your actions inspire me. My H and I are in a similar pickle. At the first mediation session, her father agreed to be a 'go between' at this point. The first visit took place w/ just my H and the child's grandfather. After the visit, he told my H to contact him. Well, it took some time for my H to contact him because he wanted the results of the p. test before he made any more attempts to accept this child into his/our life.<BR>My H contacted child's grandfather. Grandfather contacts OW and she calls my H stating that the stipulations have not changed....she must be present during visit. She claims the child is 'tempermental' and that's why she should be present for the first couple of visits. She just doesn't seem to want to accept the fact that if this child will be a part of our lives, then she'll have to take serious back seat. She can not be present...simple as that.<P>All we can do at this point is let the courts handle it. I'll advise my H to have no further contact with them. If we can't get resolution via mediation, then we'll have our lawyer handle both support and visitation.<P>Getting to my point...that's why I say I'm inspired. We have to get to the point to where we are doing what the courts want, and let her deal with being in contempt....it's just such a long hard road.<P>Hang in there...not only for the sake of your marriage, but for the sake of this child's well being. I think the granny and xow knows their fighting a loosing battle. That's why they keep fighting dirty by throwing sand in your face!!!<BR>