Thank you, thank you for thinking about me when I was gone. It was such a pleasure to log on and see that you all were thinking about me and noticed my absense.<P>So, I know you are all super curious on why I was gone. The reason I was gone is not quite as interesting as what happened while I was gone. You guys are going to flip.<P>The reason I was gone was because our phone was cut off. I had many months back signed up for a online bill pay service. I used it for a couple of months and stopped about four months ago. During the time I used the service the phone company was not sending hard copy bills and just sent balance updates to the bill pay service online. When I stopped using the service I didn't get bills. With all the OW issues, work issues, marriage issues on top of being a mom ... and being soooooo short on cash, I didn't even realize I wasn't paying the phone bill. Then one day the phone was off. <P>I called the automated service and found out the bill was $350. I didn't have the money so didn't bother asking to speak to an operator. Then the other day I got a note in the mail from them saying they would take payment arrangements and turn the phone back on... and here I am. <P>So glad to be back with you. And boy did I need you guys. Here's what went down.<P>Oh, but first a little background. I don't think I really posted the entire story as I was ashamed at what was going on in my marriage. After H and I got the OC/OW issues out of the way we started dealing with our root issues that caused the breakdown of our marriage. It has been a tough road to say the least. There seemed to be many times we couldn't agree and went days without meaningful conversation. Mostly because we both were defensive and said hurtful things to one another.<P>Since our original D-day H and I have had our mutual friend (who was like a big sister to us) mediate many of our discussions. She was a sounding board and giver of solid advice that kept our marriage together during the most difficult times.<P>Unfortunately her and my husband's bond became very strong. In fact they both developed feelings for one another that surpassed friendship. Both have admitted to those feelings being love. <P>As you can imagine this news was devastating to me. I considered this woman my friend and included her and her daughter in my family like she was family. I have been dealing with this news for the last three months and had not shared on this board about it.<P>Initially when I found out I demanded all contact stop. After a long two days of fighting he reluctantly agreed. It lasted all of a week. We went back and forth with the contact issue. I even confronted her. To no avail, she said she would continue to talk with him if he contacted her... and he did. He was truely having an emotional affair with her. <P>I tried sooo very hard to be strong. But many many days I would break down. I was falling fast into depression. Very small windows of light would shine through and that's usually when I posted here. Trying to be an inspiration to others hoping to inspire myself. Sadly, I was only pushing myself further into darkness by denying to all of you what was really going on in my life. My self esteem was plumetting even farther because I was living a lie to all of you who are so dear to me.<P>I did share with CD about my situation. She gave me comfort and sound advice. For that I am eternally grateful.<P>Recognizing my sadness and despair, my mother suggested I get my OBGYN to perscribe Wellbutrin. I started taking it. Ladies, I can't even tell you how this drug has helped me function like my normal self again. I am truely thankful for this medical miracle. I am able to enjoy my kids again.<P>It also allowed me to have the strength to put my foot down and tell my H that I would no longer be involved in his emotional triangle. I aske him for a divorce. I told him that divorcing him was not what I wanted for our family, but he was giving me no other option. He (still in his fog about her) agreed that he no longer wanted the stress of our relationship. We planned for divorce.<P>During that week of planning he sought the advice of many men he respected (and his mom). I didn't know it at the time.<P>Three weeks ago, the new OW came back to Georgia for the weekend. (I forgot to mention she moved to NY about a month and a half ago for a job relocation) I was devastated that he planned to see her when she was in town. Even on the Wellbutrin I felt overwhelming despair. I mourned inside. He did take our kids to see her and her daughter. They all went to the movies. The next day he told me that he went to see her so that he and the kids could say goodbye. He decided that this was the last time he would ever contact her. And since our kids were very close he wanted to give them some closure. <P>He said some wonderful things to me that day. One of which was that he realized that being friends with her would never allow our relationship to prosper. That his love for me would never rebloom if he continued to seek her for solace & conversation. He told me that his wanted to continue to be friends with her was purely selfish, and by keeping her as a friend, he and I would never be able to have that type of friendship. He said that being friends with her clouded his vision of me, and kept him from seeing all the things that made him love me in the first place.<P>What a revelation. I was floored. For once he came to all this without me crying, begging and pleading. He made this choice, and not because he felt sorry for me, or didn't want me to be sad, or just to make me happy. He was doing this because he realized it just plain wasn't right.<P>At first I had my doubts. But then, actions spoke louder than words. He offered to change his cell number and our home number. He invited me to check his email. He is willing to do whatever it takes to "prove" his sincerity. And the icing on the cake, he's been more loving, compassionate and attentive than he's ever been. Even more than when we are dating. His love is so intense and obvious now. It kind of scares me. It's like when you finally get what you always wanted, it doesn't seem real. I keep waiting for the bubble to pop, but it just keeps getting better. Ever day seems bigger and brighter.<P>I wish I could describe what I see in his eyes now. Words can't even give it justice. It's like I know now. I really feel it now. Even before when he was on his "best behaviour" it wasn't intense like this. We talk now, we are connected in a way I never thought possible. <P>The wellbutrin has helped me tremendously, because I know the old me would be filled with doubts and suspision. I'd be waiting for the impending doom. But I'm not. I'm relaxed and enjoying this experience, and I think he's feeding off of my demeanor. It's like Wellbutrin lifted my fog. And now that his fog is lifted we can become the couple we both wanted to be.<P>Well..... to top all that off.... I got promoted yesterday! And that promotion came with a nice raise. Ah the light at the end of the tunnel. And it couldn't have come at a better time.<P>And my H who normally resents my job and the fact that I make more money than he does... was tickled. And geniunely tickled. It was like he had got the promotion himself. When I called him I said, "Guess what honey, WE got promoted." I told him I said we, because I couldn't have done it without him and the support he gives me with our kids. He really is superdad.<P>I've rambled way tooooooo long. See what happens when you are off line for three weeks!<P>Oh ladies, I missed you all. I feel so much better that I've told you everything. I apologize for not sharing sooner. Please forgive me.<P>I look forward to your responses. <P>I'm almost caught up on the forum. I plan on posting responses to the many posts I missed very soon.<P>Thank you to all who held on to this long post to the end.<P>Z.<P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Zebrababy...<P>What a stunning and inspiring story. Thank you so much for sharing this miracle with us, Z. I am bowled over by the wonder of it all and absolutely blissed out for you and your husband.<P>Talk about getting religion, huh?<P>I'm so glad the Wellbutrin has helped you so much...and the promotion! Good things come in three's too, I see.<P>God bless, Z...I am thrilled for you.<P>Love<P>Catnip =^^=<p>[This message has been edited by catnip (edited July 12, 2001).]

Dear Zebrababy,<BR>Oh my God! I am so happy you guys are seeing the light! Finally!!! I know what you mean about H saying and acting like a kid again. I am so happy you reached that level in your marriage!!!<P>And congratulations on your promotion!!!<P>You da girl!!!<P>I wish you guys the best!!! I am happy you are back on line too... I've missed you!!!<P>Prayers for your continued recovery.....<P>love you <BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

z,<BR>That's incredible! I'm sorry you carried that load alone. I'm so happy for you, to have this new level of love in your life! And promotion! WOW!<P>Congrads all around! Happy Day,<BR>J

ZebraBaby,<P>Welcome back. Sit down, put your feet up. Can we offer you a drink? A little celebratory champagne? It sounds like you have been carrying a heavy burden all alone. I am glad that you are back with us and that things are looking up.<P>Shalom,<BR>MJ

I am glad things are going so well. i loved wellbutrin, if you are a smoker it will also help you to quit!

WOW Z, You go girl! Glad things are falling in place and the pieces are all fitting now. Missed ya lots glad your back.<BR> with love flowerseed

Hey Zebra,<P>I was worried about you and your marriage, but this is wonderful news! I am so glad the two of you are finally connecting. Really, wonderful wonderful news. And next time dont handle it yourself, that is just too much for one person to handle. Let us be your sounding board.<P>missed you!<BR>bw

Dear Zebra,<P>What a relief to hear that you are okay -- I was very worried about you. Dear, dear Zebra -- I know what you mean about feeling embarrassed when your H does yet another thing that makes you feel like a fool for trusting. But the wonderful thing about this forum is that every single one of us has been in your shoes. Some of our spouses have had multiple OWs, some have multiple OCs -- we are here to share our feelings, not to judge anyone.<P>I can only imagine how much hurt you have endured with this new OW situation since she was a person that you trusted and asked for help to heal your marriage. That must be the worst betrayal of all.<P>Once I abandoned this forum when I needed it most ... don't be so strong, Z, that you are not able to lean on us when you need to. I remember many a wise word that you said to me when I was depressed or sad. So many times you made me laugh. It makes me sad now to think that I did not have the opportunity to repay you when you needed it.<P>I am so glad that you have gotten through this latest episode. Even gladder that your H came through all by himself and you now have a surer feeling that he really is committed to re-building the marriage.<P>I think you already have my e-mail address and you are welcome to use it if you ever wish to. You and your H will be in my prayers. I know that God will continue to guide you on the road to happiness -- you have certainly earned it.<P>love,<BR>heavenly

Oh Heavenly,<P>You always say just the right thing. Always you words seem to make my heart happy.<P>You are very right that I should never have tried to carry this burden alone. You all have always been so wonderful to me. I just hated admitting "out loud" that my marriage was yet again on the rocks. I was in my own personal denial. I don't even think I admitted it to myself until I decided that I was going to go ahead with divorce. The Wellbutrin really helped clear all that clutter out of my head so I could think clearly about my situation. I not only had a better grip on my emotions but I could better see where my husband's pain and frustrations were coming from.<P>I tried to go a day without the Wellbutrin and I got a miserable headache. My husband has expressed his discomfort in me taking the drug. He doesn't seem to understand what it does for me. I think he sees it as some kind of tranquilizer. He has said that he fears that our harmony is "drug induced." He thinks that if I get off of the drug I will be the suspicious defensive lunatic I was. I told him that once total trust is regained no drug can reinduce suspicion. Only his behavior could do that. I told him I stopped taking it that day I stopped. But I didn't tell him I restarted. I guess I'll have to if I'm to keep the trust between us.<P>Thank you again everyone for you sweet words. I really love each and everyone of you.<P>Oh, one more thing. Heavenly, don't feel bad about not being able to help me directly. Every wonderful think you say to other members of this board is medicine for my soul. You will never know how deeply your words comfort me.<P>Z.<P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Zebra, I am soooo glad you are back and am sooo glad things are as they should be, great. I, too, love the welbutrim. I went off a few weeks ago and have started smoking and feeling alittle down so I am back on it. I am not down about my marriage just about life's stresses in general. I really am so glad things are better and am so sorry that they had gotten so bad. Wish I had known and could have been of help. Just so you know I am here for you girl, just let me know anytime you need to talk. Peace, Gabi1116

Zebrababy,<P> I am glad your husband is beginning to see the light. Our husband's seem to be of similar temperment (babysteps always babysteps) I am not a patient person and have difficulty with the process. I am glad things are turning around for you. I think those antidepressants can help clear away a little of our "fog" of grief and anxiety and help us use the tools we have inside us to grow strong.<BR> Please don't ever feel embarressed or ashamed to post ANYTHING here. If you can't here where else can you? This is the place to post those feelings.<BR> Lets help the good news trend continues. God bless<BR> Kris

They don't make an emoticon (smiley) BIG ENOUGH to express the smile that is on my face and in my heart for you!<P>Congratulations, Z!<P> <BR><P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>