BinthereDunthat, I am not exactly sure what your name is supposed to mean, but I am sure you have not been there and done what I have or you would not have posted the reply to me as you did. I have two wonderful, beautiful, sweet, smart, should I go on and on , children. I have a very loving, caring, hardworking, dedicated husband. My marriage is great, wonderful, terific and fantastic. My h and I have chosen to involve our family in the life of the child my h had due to a one night stand, during a time when we were very briefly separtated prior to getting married. I really feel that you should look into or know the history first of a person that you choose to reply and post to, before giving your thoughts when they really have nothing to do with my situation. I want my children to grow up knowing their sibling, they all have that right. I choose not to hide things from my children, as things have a way of all coming out anyway in the future. My h and I have invested alot of time in helping our children get to know their sibling over the last few months, this was something that we choose to do as a team, as it should be in a happy, healthy marriage. Remember that is our purpose for this forum Marriage builders. My h and I are happy and our children are happy and so is the oc. As I said in my post the oc is a sweet happy and friendly child and we are all very happy to have the involvement. Actually the only person that is not happy is the ow, the oc's mother. And oh well that is just tough. Our children and the oc and my h all deserve and will all be happy together, as I am sure you will never understand, being a ow yourself. So in closing I will let you know you need to go away and leave us to our happy,wonderful lives. Your advise and ill words are not wanted or needed. Go live your unhappy, silly, little, life. Gabi1116 <BR>

I truly admire your willingness to be involved in your OC's life, even if it appears to come with the heavy price of dealing with your H's OW and her games on a regular basis. IMO, it is very generous of you, and you are to be commended.<P>I sincerely apologize for butting into your private discussion without being invited. It was not my intention to presume to know anything about you.<P>I was asking a question. Nothing was meant personally as you don't know me nor what my life is about really, so I don't understand how or why you can accuse me of being a silly and unhappy OW? That was really mean. God forgives us of sin when we repent and turn away from it. He is our judge.<P>The username I chose has nothing to do with me knowing anything about you, but it has everything to do with my knowing the 10 commandments and breaking every one of them anyway. I'm not claiming to be proud of that, either. Jesus said "He who is without sin among you let him cast the first stone."<BR><p>[This message has been edited by BINthereDUNthat (edited July 14, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by BINthereDUNthat:<BR><B>I truly admire your willingness to be involved in your OC's life, even if it appears to come with the heavy price of dealing with your H's OW and her games on a regular basis. IMO, it is very generous of you, and you are to be commended.<P>I sincerely apologize for butting into your private discussion without being invited. It was not my intention to presume to know anything about you.<P>I was asking a question. Nothing was meant personally as you don't know me nor what my life is about really, so I don't understand how or why you can accuse me of being a silly and unhappy OW? That was really mean. God forgives us of sin when we repent and turn away from it. He is our judge.<P>The username I chose has nothing to do with me knowing anything about you, but it has everything to do with my knowing the 10 commandments and breaking every one of them anyway. I'm not claiming to be proud of that, either. Jesus said "He who is without sin among you let him cast the first stone."<P><BR>[This message has been edited by BINthereDUNthat (edited July 14, 2001).]</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>BINthereDUNthat, your quote shows a very vindictive, hypercritical veiwpoint.<P>Also, I find it very interesting how you have a way of forgiving yourself. ember

Whoa, Ember and Gabi...<P>I think you have the wrong take on all this and it sounds like you two are spoiling for a fight, or have misread what BTDT was saying. I read her responses/posts and I did not see anything that would merit such harsh replies from you. <P>This is simply her point of view, and if she is not an antagonist or a vindictive crasher (we should know the difference by now) we should not only tolerate, but welcome her point of view. We can at least agree to disagree without disharmony or what comes off as unnecessarily hostile.<P>We've had OW's here before, (Duranie and Obratti) that have given us invaluable information and came to be our friends through mutual repsect and understanding.<P>Let's not overreact here. We can learn from each other. I don't think she meant anything nasty...it was just her perspective describing the discomfort with having the MM and W involved in OW life.<P>Let's lighten up, be open to ideas and opinions that do not always conform to our way of thinking. You or I do not have to agree, but we can have a conversation and we can listen to what the other has to say and not take offense or get insulted needlessly.<P>Chill<P>Catnip =^^= <P>PS I know and undestand how much fun it can be to beat up an OW in effigy...I have done it and enjoyed it myself as a kind of weird therapy, but I think we have to pick our battles wisely so we don't bum rap someone until we know for sure they mean ill will...like LSB's OW coming here under many, many pseudo names, torturing her and making her miserable. Now, messing with THAT OW was fun. Deservedly so.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by catnip (edited July 15, 2001).]

Catnip, and Beenthere, I am really sorry if you think I was spoiling for a fight.I assure you that was not my intention in my post on my thread to flowerseed. I was merely trying to get the point across that we are happy with our involvement. So why bother trying to suggest that my h handle it all alone. And my children are also very happy with their half silbing. I really did not care for the post on a thread started by tina, and that, combined with my defessiveness about all the negativity the ow gives us and then to suggest not to be involved, well it was like my bomb exploded. We, my h and I have a lot of issues and concerns for the oc, to many to get into now. His physical and mental health are concerns so to even suggest to not both be involved. I really feel for this child, he is me family's blood relative, although not mine, I hope he grows up happy and healthy and I just can not , not be involved. So sorry for the defensiveness, but I truely was not picking a fight just feeling I had to make my position clearer and my family and the oc. Thanks for listening, Peace, Gabi1116

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by gabi1116:<BR><B>We, my h and I have a lot of issues and concerns for the oc, to many to get into now. His physical and mental health are concerns so to even suggest to not both be involved. I really feel for this child, he is me family's blood relative, although not mine, I hope he grows up happy and healthy and I just can not , not be involved. So sorry for the defensiveness</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Apology accepted. I am also a mom of special needs twins so I can totally empathize with your concerns for your stepchild's health. :**(<BR>

Beenthere, Happy to see your reply. My husband and I are a team, he is my partner in life and this whole ordeal is a major life issue. I know he counts on me to help and give support, so I have to stay involved. I pray each day that the mother of this oc will learn to accept that my family is and will always be involved. She has fought my h and I with involvement for a long time. Yet she has also made sure to involve our wallet. She truely only wants cs and no physical contact, she has even gone as far as to try to terminate my h parental rights, which she lost in court. My children are too young, as is the oc, to totally understand the dealings that the ow has made for us. I just told my h tonight that I am sure as time goes on and the oc gets older things will get better. We are really not sure at this point if the child is really a special needs child. I have a degree in special education, and although I see odd things here and there it is really not very clear cut. I am definitaly going to be keeping an eye out. Once again, glad to know you show my last post. Gabi1116

Too exhausting to retype...<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum35/HTML/001528.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum35/HTML/001528.html</A>

Catnip and BINthereDUNthat, I am not trying to fight either. My apologies.<P>gabi1116, OW is very lucky that you have a kind, warm, heart to care for OC so much. You are indeed blessed. ember