it is 6 wks to due date. ow called h asking him to sign<BR>away all rights and responsibilities before the child is<BR>born. paternity has not been established, we now know <BR>where the ow is and can find a lawyer in pa(know any good ones or ones to avoid). we would like<BR>to get full custady of child, what are the chances, does <BR>that ever happen? we assume you can't get out of cs just<BR>because you sign a document anyway. could you veterans <BR>please give advice on pitfalls to avoid at this stage etc<BR>what are some options available to the father, the ow<BR>is single, was out to get pregnant etc,<BR> windfall<P>

In PA a father can sign away all rights to a child including responsibilty to pay support ONLY if the mother pursues it. If she is the one trying to get him to sign away rights you can. In PA the chances of you getting full custody are zero, unless threre is court documentation that she is a major drug user or child moletsor/abuser. I mean she would of had to been in and out of jail and rehab not just "people know she uses drugs. And even then PA wants children with their parents so if she went to rehab or took parenting classes she would eventually get some form of custody with her child. Now if she is not a criminal you will not get full custody, you may be able to get shared custody to get shared you have child 50% of the time and cs is almost nothing. Shared physiacl custody is VERY hard to get especially if you don't live in the same scholl district, even then there is no guarentee we live 3 minutes apart and didn't get shared physical. Most likely you WILL get shared legal custody, meaning decisions about scholling, medical and religion must be decided by both parents and partial physical custody meaning one night a week and every other weekend. This probably is not the answer you wanted but i live in PA and spoke to 7 lawyers, one c&y worker and one judge and this is what hubby and i were told. You will have to decide if you want visiatation and pay support or if you want to walk away and sign away rights.

thank you so much whatif, how can you sign away your rights<BR>before paternity is determined? if he signs it before the<BR>child is born can't she keep saying it's his and he can't<BR>requst a dna test, it's amazing some tramp can catch your <BR>h at a weak point and get his child out of it to boot. how<BR>do these kids turn out it seems like you abandon the child<BR>so he can have some normalcy, were 4 states away that's <BR>why we were interested in custody to keep the child from<BR>being tossed back and forth. thank you again for replying<BR>may i know what course you chose and how it is working out<BR> windfall

windfall, look into it. I know of a similar situation. The H and OW each got custody of OC. Each got six months with OC. However, it was up to them to decide how. Also, both sides had OC when school begins for OC. They either have OC for school year, or for the summer. Get legal advice. It varies state, to state. ember

Paternity will ahve to be established. She can have papers drawn up and signed that say something like, once paternity is established at the 99% rate the father waives all rights and responsibilties to the child. Being four statess away you will never get full custody unless like I said she shows gross neglect or abuse to the child. You also won't get "normal" partial custody, the one night a week evry other weekend deal. Youcan go after partial with the stipulation of one week over christmas and a month or two over the summer. i don't mind you asking at all. For almost the first year of the oc's life i said"me or the oc to my hubby" I wanted him to hurt evntually i began to love my hubby again and i didn't want him to hurt and i knew not being a fatehr to oc was killing him so i agreed to it. We have gone to court and we are involved so far only temp orders are in place and the ow is being pretty cooperative she can be a real b&*&^ but I know our legal rights and so does she. See she lives VERY close to us we have many mutaual friends and business associates so there was no way this was ever going to stay hidden anyway. Evry time I see oc i love them more and the ow means less and less. Being four states away i don't know what you want to do, what does your hubby want to do? You can sign away rights before with a stipualtion that dna test will be done after childs birth. let me know

i just wished the ow would have gone to a sperm bank instead<BR>of targeting my h,he actually sugested contraception(he should have suggested being faithful to his wife and children)<BR> but he was told she was infertle, documented,<BR>no chance for conception etc. and he was at a low point and<BR>wasn't thinking about the future, so we feel like he was<BR>conned into impregnating her and his child has been stolen<BR>from him to some extent. he has no affection for the ow but<BR>feels responsible to his progeny if it turns out to be his.<BR>we would just like a judge to look at the two possible homes<BR>the child could be raised in and decide for full custody at<BR>one so the child can have a somewhat normal upbringing.<BR>we dont want the shared custody where he would constantly<BR>having to deal with the ow , he doesnt want to abandon the<BR>child either. i wish ow would put up child for adoption and<BR>we could just adopt it free and clear, i know i'm just a <BR>dreamer. it's all so tragic, even if the child isn't my<BR>h and he's some other suckers,she aparently had many<BR>other takers who bought her story , no strings attached hah,<BR>that poor child exists because of the ow selfish desire to<BR>have a child by whatever means she could get it.<BR> windfall<BR> (i'm still looking for the <BR> unexpected benefits from all <BR> this. My h is a new man, hard<BR> to ask for much more)

Hi windfall,<BR>first, I don't mean to sound argumentative (really!) but we are in PA and have been told that a man CANNOT sign away responsibility of a child here. He CAN sign away parental rights, if the mother pursues it, but - and here's the catch - he can STILL be held liable for child support. That is because here in the great state of PA, the right to collect cs belongs to the child, and nobody, including the mother, can give up that child's right to get it. so be very careful, because even if your h signs that he doesn't want anything to do with child, ow can still come back on him later and collect cs. We have been told that the ONLY way that cs obligation ends is if the mother marries and her husband petitions to adopt oc.<P>I know a terrific lawyer. email me at cdcollins4ever@altavista.com and I'll give you his name and number. His fees are reasonable, and he has a good deal of experience with this kind of thing - thanks to us, haha. And he is EXTREMELY supportive of us, and especially me, at all times. Let me know if you want more info.<P>Whatif, I'm not saying what you wrote is necessarily untrue. but could you cite the laws that uphold what you described? I've been researching forever and have yet to find anything like that in the PA annotated statues or laws. Everything I come across holds that the father WILL be held responsible for cs UNLESS there is another man willing to take his place legally. Please let me know where you found laws that say otherwise.<P>-cd

thank you for helping us,i cant begin to tell you what a <BR>help this is to me. <BR> windfall

[QUOTE]Originally posted by cdcollins:<BR>[B]Hi windfall,<BR>first, I don't mean to sound argumentative (really!) but we are in PA and have been told that a man CANNOT sign away responsibility of a child here. He CAN sign away parental rights, if the mother pursues it, but - and here's the catch - he can STILL be held liable for child support.<BR> Cd you are right another man has to step in for there to be no chance of cs payments. I was really trying to get across that a man can not voluntarily sign away his rights without the women pursuing it otherwise every father that didn't want to pay support would. Thank s for the correction. I feel really bad for windfall because there is no judge that will not allow a mother to have some form of custody with there child so either windfall and her hubby have to play the back and forth game with the oc or not be involved at all, which is worse. the ow will never give child up. We tried to get custdoy and tried the we are a two parent household routine and the judge almost laughed when he said "yeah with a hubby that produces children outside of the marriage he is no better than the ow"