Yesterday H went to court for 2nd time regarding health coverage, OP using his last name, etc. The first time OP wouldn't proceed because she wanted her lawyer/boyfriend there. A postponement was granted until yesterday. <BR>Well, again I chose not to go because the last 2 times OP has brought OC with her and has put on quite a show. I waited at home patiently waiting for some type of resolution that would for once go our way. I guess anything good of this is not to be expected anytime soon or ever for that matter.<BR>The b**** didn't even show up. The court officer "accidently" marked her present and it wasn't until 1 pm that it was realized. The cut off time for no shows is 11:00 am. So H is called in to the hearing officers room and sworn in. H thought that they were going to proceed without her because hearing officer stated the last time that he allows one continuence. He started to ask H questions and said he was dumbfounded at OP not showing up. Well he told H when H was explaining the problems of OP using his last name for medical bills when the same court officer ased him whether H wanted OC to have his name H said NO and hearing officer said very clearly, "The OC will keep mother's name" and that OP is not being cooperative regarding providing her informationfor health ins. The hearing officer told H that there was no fraud being committed when OP uses his name and that if OP is living with her lawyer (apparently this is okay) their combined income would be necessary for the insurance and it would not be in their best interest to suppply H with it (of course the B**** is living it up with cs for two children taw free, her income, and lawyer/boyfriends income)<BR>Please excuse the anger.<BR>Well the hearing officer then stated that he was going to issue warrant for the OP. A warrant for what I do not know.<BR>My H didn't ask, nor did he use the opportunity of asking for clarifications without the OP and her lawyer being there, which fuels my anger. I wouldn't have left the room without understanding everything said and having everything I said understood. Hearing officer set another date. I told H I would go next time. He said he didn't want me there.<BR> He even asked H if he worked Mon- Fri. H didn't ask why he asked. H is losing money that is already garnished to pay cs everyday he is there and nothing is resolved.<BR>I am so frustrated that nothing has worked in our favor. <BR>Not only are all of these issues unresolved. The timing always seems to be sooo bad. D day is four days after our wedding anniversary, Paternity test results and first court date was the day after my birthday, 2nd court date again the day after my birthday. When will I get a break?<BR>Question--- I know a lot of states allow children's names to be changed without consent of father. It doesn't seem that she can do that her in NY because when my H went to try to get a copy of birth certificate they told him signatures of both parents were required. My questrion is where can I find out some more information about this. I have been searching the web and haven't been able to find anything. A web site would be helpful<P>

Tormented,<BR>all was not lost...in fact "happy b-day" the warrent is a bench warrent...your OW was just issued a warrent for her arrest for being in contempt of court. The courts get really angry when people waste their time, or have no regard for the court. when a party does not show up and does not call...a bench warrent is issued for their arrest.. NOW these people usually get fined and their hand slapped...but it goes on their record...I am surprised they did not issue one for Lawyer BF too, usually they do and they get into big trouble...does not look good.. so you did have a little victory..your OW is a wanted person...by the police...she better hope she does not get pulled over for a traffic voilation..lol,lol....dont worry you guys won this one...and he will not forget (the judge)

i agree. that was a victory. be it small.... it was still a victory.<P>and judges don't like to be disrespected... especially by lawyers. don't you watch Law & Order and The Practice? <P>congratulations... and more victories to come.<P>Z.<P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I think the thing to remember is that the hearing officer, judge, etc. are there to do a job. They rarely show their feelings for one side or the other. Try not to "read" into anything. I agree with the others. She really screwed up by not showing up and the questions they asked your H were probably somewhat routine. Hang in there!

tormented, do go to court next time, if H likes it or not. This is money which also involves you.<P>Our OW changed her name to our last name legally. Nothing could be done. ember

ember,<BR> Did I understand you right the ow changed her name to your last name. Oh my this one has got to beat all thats nuts. I dont know how I would be able to control myself. with love flowerseed

Dear Tormented,<P>Sorry for all the court bs you are going thru.<P>Just wanted you to know you are in my prayers...<P>Happy Belated Birthday! fluke

Dear Tormented, <P>I do understand what you are going thru, sometimes it seems that nothing goes our way. H and I have been in court 3 times already, next month he has court for the 4th time, Ow wants more childsupport. <P>Tormented go to court with your H, if he likes it or not,you are in this together. It seems that ow screw up by not showing up to court on time, small victory for you. Tormented I was reading your profile, you are from NY, I am also from NY. In New York state, there is night Family Court, from 5:30pm to 8:00pm on specific dates, to accomodate working parents, tell your h the next time he goes to court, to tell the judge, that he needs evening court from now on, since he can't no longer take time off from work. I know this since I am claiming separation and childsupport from h in order to lower ow support, and before H lost his job, we used to get evening court.<P>I can defineteyly relate to you, the timing always seems so wrong. I discover H ow & oc, November 20,2000 three days before Thanksgiving, and so close to Christmas holidays. First court date was for DNA testing was on Valentine's Day, when I met ow & oc for the first time. <P>take care mina

flowerseed, yes you heard me correctly. OW legally changed her name to my H's last name. This was long before I knew of the A. ember

Ember I cannot believe what I read!!! Ow has your LAST name? What the heck is wrong with the law? How can she do that?<P>Tormented I sympathize with you. We haven't been to court yet and I truly will have to see what I'll do when the time comes. I think I'm going but not sure. Prayers to you.<BR>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Yes Guys,<BR>legally chaning your name is quite easy. All you have to do is petition the court, and then place an announment in the paper for a period of 30 days, with the stated court date for the change (look in the paper announcement section...most people do this in smaller papers ie city as opposed to county..so no one will see). This is what alot of the foreigners do when they come here to this country. Like my nail lady, her name is Houng but she is now Judy. same goes for last names....heck If I want to be a Kennedy all I have to do is file a petition, post it and if no one comes up with a good reason...at the end of 30 days I am a Kennedy...it is pretty simple. In fact these OW if they want..can change their childrens names legally they same way. In our state you need the dads permission to be on a birth certificate...BUT the mother can give the child ANY last name she choses..Changing your name in the US is very easy...and cost hardly nothing...hopefully the rest of the OW in our lives, will have more integrity then ember's OW...changing her name to a mans, who refused to marry her is the most PATHETIC thing I think I have EVER read...I mean think about it girls...if you were NOT married, and you were in Love with a man, and he refused to marry you (wether he was married or not...OK I know we would NEVER be in that situation...But lets say HE was unable too)..would you have such LOW INTEGREITY, that you would change your name to his??? ...OK what am I saying??? we are talking about the same women that would get pregnant on purpose with the hopes of breaking up a marriage....WHY ? because they men they "LOVE" wont leave their wives...I guess when we are talking integreity...these women have none....I alway think about how Mrs Job talks about her OW...Bottom line MJ, that woman may look nice, and be smart...she has NO INTEGRITY or self worth...If she had and she actually got PG by accendent (which I highly doubt) she would have disappeared into the sunset...Because of her LACK of integreity she did not. It amazes me that even after they get PG and their Married man does not leave their family...they dont stop...like crap all this and he still with her???, I dont know what my XOW was thinking...I know I was a lucky one......BUT she tried to trap a guy that was not even the father of her baby (AND SHE KNEW IT)...who was married with a pregnant wife, and 2 other kids....I still am head banging trying to figure it out (what she was thinking?)...what a waste of brain cells trying to figure what makes another woman do this. Then again, I was in a totally different situation, my H's A didnt last more than 3 weeks with approx 3 encounters (he says 2, she says 3)...and he had no emotional attachment. so I never ever had to plan A...and quite frankly I dont know if I ever could...so I think I would have been divorced...which is what I wanted (I thought) after d-day...it was H who begged for forgiveness...their was no FOG...but their was hurricaine...Hurriciane MyCross...I swooped down, and knocked him upside the head...then said things like...what are you looking at...man I was bad..and the fact he took it and stayed was what made me realize he really was sorry...and the fact we "escaped" the OC thing...was Gods intervention...because quite frankly if we did not get custody I dont think I would have been able to deal with it...I feel I am of High integrity, and very patient and loving...BUT I dont really think I have the strength that you amazing women do here.....Boy did I get off thread...sorry Pregnancy hormones still working overtime...Love to all of you....MC

ember, the name thing shocks me as much as Gemini's church bulletin!! Every time I think I've heard it all... OMG. WHAT are these women thinking?! We're all one big happy family?! ACK!!<P>Makes you proud to be a woman, hunh? NOT! I used to be into the whole "sisterhood of women" thing until the A... HA!<P>Tormented, if your H is like mine he can't react clearly to OC stuff because every time it comes up he is awash in shame/embarrassment and anger/sadness. If my H were in court, he'd probably forget to follow up on things or simply be too overwhelmed by his shame to be practical/normal. I hope you and your H can talk over WHY he doesn't want you in court and maybe you can reassure him. Most guys want to feel like they are handling their OWN problems (pride ego thing!), or maybe he is worried you or XOW will make a scene with each other. It's worth talking over. It's reasonable for you to want to help protect your assets together. And I'm glad to hear the others think your XOW will be in big trouble--good! I'm sorry about your special dates ruined, but I hope it is a temporary thing. Hopefully in years to come you can forget about these things and live a happier life.

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