Well, I just wanted to take this away from Obratti1's thread for a couple reasons. The first one is that she is NOT breaking up a marriage for her own selfishness. I went to GQ2 and read your post, and I am sorry to say that I am thinking that you are in the wrong place. You want help in breaking your marriage vows completely and have support in doing so! Like a couple people posted to you on the other board, this is MARRIAGE BUILDERS!!!!! This is NOT the place that you go to to find out how to leave your H for another MM! Yes, I know that his D is final, but it was not when you were living with him, getting pregnant, or when he got his W pregnant!!! That little girl is his and his W's baby!!! It was created while they were still married and should receive as much attention as his other children!!!!<P>I am sorry that you find yourself in this situatiion, but have no simpathy for what you are going through! Yes, I betrayed my marriage vows, but I was also betrayed as well! My H and I know that our marriage is what counts, and we are going to rebuild it from the ground up! <P>I am not sure that you have found the place you need to be unless you are going to try to heal your marriage that you seem so intent on leaving! Your H has been willing for the past year and a half to work on your marriage. He obviously loves you very much to still want to save your marriage! If you can't see that, then maybe you don't deserve him! I am sorry to be so harsh, but the women on this board are all dealing with the OW who are either trying to still take the H away, or just used an ignorant man to make money, if you catch my drift. If your OXMM is "backing off" maybe he's come to his sences! Did you ever think of how his W feels?<P>Think about it. Because I don't think you will find much help from the women on this board.

Am I correct in saying that you can't accept a child from your married boyfriend's wife? Who taught you to be SOOO arrogant? What are you? You have ZERO say or rights in this and if he is any kind of man , he would tell you to f### off. But according to what you have posted he isn't even human. No balls! Wake up and realize that you have gotten involved with a nonman and any other man would laugh in your face. But the 2 of you seem to be cut from the same cloth(a horse sh## bag) so go on with your selfish lives and ruin your children until not even a lifetime of therapy can help them!<P>3

FYI .... <P>Snshne620 posted the following on GQII board today:<P>I've never posted here before, but what I've read seems to be wise for others. I'm hoping someone can help me, too. It's a long story that I'll try to make short and hope it's clear. I've been married to H for 11 years. I've been having an A for a year-and-a-half and hubby has known for a little over a year. I got pregnant by OM and had a son 5 months ago. H knows the baby is not his but has chosen to raise him as his own if that's how I decide. My heart is with the OM, not my H. H is Plan A-ing me (killing me with kindness) which has made my decision to file for D that much harder. During this time OM has been waiting for me. He left his wife and 3 children, left his job and moved 140 miles to be closer to me. He now lives in the same hometown. The reasons that I haven't left H sooner are many...the OM had a child with then ex-wife just 2 months before our son was born. He left me for a 3 month period because "God told him he couldn't have me." That was the worst three months of my life, by far. During the time he was gone, he was trying to get back together with his ex-wife. He finally came to his senses and realized that he loved me and not her and he "came back." Since then, I have had my baby and been trying to complete the "process" that I've set for myself in an attempt to leave H and file for divorce. Here's the hurdle: OM, knowing this is the weekend that I've chosen to make my move, has told me that he doesn't want me to contact him until Monday. He wants to "back away" and let this be the time for me to make the decision on my own without the influence of him. What he doesn't realize no matter how many times I cry to him is that THIS IS WHEN I NEED HIM MOST and he's not there. Not only is he not there, but he stands firm in his decision and will NOT falter. I feel completely alone. I need someone that will put their needs aside for the sake of mine. I was the lowest I think I've ever been yesterday, begging him not to step away...telling him that our son and I needed him now more than ever and in return all he could say was, "I'm sorry, I'm not changing my mind." I can't say that anyone has ever been that strong and not backed down after seeing me at such a low point. It's hasn't changed my resolve to leave my H but it has made me question the love that the OM has always said he had for me. He says that he's doing what he's doing for ME but doesn't seem to care what I say I need. OM and I have had plans to get married and raise our family together once I left. Now I'm leaving and he's not around. I'll be alone now, H is leaving for the weekend to be with his family during this time. I'm at a loss and looking for answers...hoping for help.<P>------------------

Sunshine,<P>You said this in your post from the GQII board ...<P>"I can't say that anyone has ever been that strong and not backed down after seeing me at such a low point."<P>It certainly sounds to me that you are accustom to GETTING whatever you want, and throughout your post I sense an arrogancy about you with regard to that. I also see after reading on this board (Preg/Child) that you are apprehensive (for lack of a better word) about being a step-mom to the XMM's child ... I am truly convinced that you are on the wrong Forum, Sunshine.<P>Unless you are willing to explore salvaging your marriage, I would advise you that you will most likely not receive what you are looking for, VALIDATION to continue your affair, VALIDATION to destroy families and cause unbelievable pain to many in doing so.<P>Jo<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited July 20, 2001).]

Sunshine,<BR>Do you ever think about anyone but yourself? Right now you are in the chemical process of thinking you are "in love" with MM, but in the long run the statistics about marriages that started as affairs are poor. In other words, you and MM probably won't make a long life together, and you and he WILL bring whatever problems you had in your marriages into your relationship with each other... those same issues are still there INSIDE YOU. Everyday life will kick in, and it will not be happily ever after! (Happiness comes from within and with God, not from others.) <P>OR you could DO THE RIGHT THING, right NOW! That means go try to repair your marriage. Release the MM from your emotional bondage. Let the MM get over you and repair his marriage. Think of the man who loves you SOOO much that he is willing to raise OM's child! You CAN learn to love him as you once did. Think of your children with your husband (if you have any) and think of MM's children with his wife. He belongs to THEM!! He made promises to THEM long before you were around. And you, you made promises to your H, first!<P>Go Do the Right Thing.

Have you read any of Dr. Harley's principles? You are such a lost soul right now. I agree with all the posts here. This is MARRIAGE builders not AFFAIR builders. I truly believe you are in a fog right now. We will all be here when you come out of that fog and crawl back to your H, but don't be surprised when we say "I told you so". Obviously, you have a wonderful husband who is following these principles which WORK!! I do wish you the best, but I am very worried about your emotional well being. I believe God led you here so you would be slapped into reality. Stay with your H...or be prepared for the worst. Good luck, I will be praying for your marriage...not your divorce.

OK I woke up this AM in MAJOR PG hormones. I had read your other posts the last couple of days...and based on what mommy told me " if you dont have anything nice to say...dont say anything at all"...BUT I say Phooey...<BR>YOUR Boyfriend, is with HIS family BOFFING his XW...and he told you TOUGH..I am going anyway..so there!!! he Boffed her before when they were going through the D, and he made it clear which child he values (he reconciled with his W during the PG). This man will never commit to you...sorry. As soon as he feels the pressure he will run home...guess were he will be at Christmas, and thanksgiving etc.??? where he belongs with his FAMILY. NOW why you have gotten so lucky that you have a wonderful H that is willing to except the OC as his, and want you "marriage" as you call it...is beyond me...NOW TAKE A REAL BIG STEP BACK, AND STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU. THINK ABOUT THIS OC (LORD KNOWS IF YOU HAVE OTHER POOR CHILDREN IN THIS MESS)...if you do that for a nanosecond...you decision should be very clear (FOR A NONSELFISH PERSON)...THAT child did not decide to come into this situation (and any other children in the picture) YOU BIG person placed them there...NOW Grow the H*** up..before I read about your children on some roof one day with a sniper gun or worse...GOD place these children in your care..to do the right thing...to give them the best you can and to raise them with some integrity, so that they will be functioning adults oneday...NOW go out and get some intgretity...and get strong and DUMP that BOZO, work on your Marriage, and raise children who can function and have some sort of self worth...you are sentencing your child/children to a life of H*** if you cant pull your crap together...so do it quick...and for the record call his XW...bet you a lot of money he was more than just visiting...OPEN YOUR EYES..you have everything right there...a loving H (and you are very lucky for that), and at least one beautiful child. If you think your not "in LOve" with H...and you are with OM...all I can say you have to LOVE H...I LOVE your H..any man who has the integrity to stick by a WS, and love support and be there for a child that was conceived like your child was, has to be loved...guess what that is a starting point...heck of alot better starting point then you have with OM...Oh but he quit his job and moved to be close to me...ROTLMAO (sorry never used that before is it right?)...that is not LOVE...that is FEAR of XW and family...and personally any man who walks away from a job...when he has so many kids to support..is a wonderful winner (NOT)...Like I said do yourself a favor...call his W...this is not as innocent as you Blindly look at it...your OM has no morals nor integity...your child has to learn it from somewhere...why not you and your H...this IS all about the kids right???...or is it ALL ABOUT YOU...I swear my 12 y/o has better sense...do the right thing...and come here for the support you need..it will not be easy doing the right thing...but the women here will help you through the bad times...but do what is right for all the kids here...they are so innocent and they dont deserve any of this MESS...good luck to you and your children ..and God Bless that H of yours...he is a true man

ditto My Cross. you said it well.<P>MARRIAGE BUILDERS, not marriage destroyers.<P>Z.<P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.