We arrived safely after a 12 hour trip, the kids slept most of the way, but the baby got cranky the last hour, at which point I would hold up the invaluable walkie-talkies my step-mom lent us, and press "talk" so that I was not the only one listening to the cries for freedom from his carseat!<BR>We are in a 2 bedroom apt, but it is actually quite spacious, and will probably be here for the duration. They have a three bedroom which will be available in Aug. but I really don't want to pack up again. The only downfall is that the school that my oldest is in is about a half hour away, and her bus comes at 6:55 am so I need to get up with the chickens to make it there on time. After we move in the bus stop is my next-door neighbors driveway so it will be alot easier. The only way I would move is if the new apt was closer, but it isn't. I have gone to dinner with one of my neighbors wives, she invited me to the neighborhood "mom's nite out". She seems really nice and think we will hit it off. I also have one friend that I know from HS that is here. We were best friends and she was the only one I kept in contact with from HS.She has been wonderful, calls everyday to check in. <BR>Our house is taking shape quickly. We did a dry-wall walkthru last Thursday, the day after we arrived. The people say that once the drywall is up the house takes 40 to 45 days to complete so we may be in even quicker that we thought. <BR>My H and I are doing pretty good. I have had a few hard days, but that would have happened in NJ as well. One thing is that we have been talking alot more now, Pretty much b/c we only have each other, and it seems as if we are talking more honestly and in depth about what is bothering us. He is really trying to make the move as stress-free as possible for me, and that is really important to me right now. I have contacted Retrouvaille today about getting involved there and will be looking for a new therapist soon as possible as I feel we could still benefit from that, and my H does agree. <BR>I did go thru the "1st anniversary" of d-day for me. It was only 2 days after we got here. I was not aware of the day yet, but I knew that at some point I would be. We were driving my daughter to school and it was pouring rain and he says to me, "go figure, her first day of school and it is pouring rain...hey its Friday the 13th!"...it was only 7 am. All of the sudden each hour I was going back to that day and reliving what I was doing then, but had this pit in my stomach, b/c I knew what was coming at 11:15am. There were times I thought about it over the past year, but I was actually RELIVING it that day. My H tried to console me, held me, and I could see his pain,but was too angry at him to care.<BR>But it is strange. I am beginning to get a sense of calm in my life right now. I was explaining this to someone, and as I have read, alot of people say that they realize something after the 1st year mark, and this is what I realize...I had so many emotions the first year witht he baby(mine and hers) the affair and now the move...and during that whole year couldn't imagine having to live another day, much less a year with this pain. But I did survive, and we even had some happy days along the way, and I am beginning to joke around and laugh and smile again. I just realized this lately in going over old posts and journals. Maybe there is hope.<BR>That is not to say we don't have rough spots. Look out b/c there are many posts just dying to come out. I just have to get settled down so I can think. I'm feel that although we are talking more, I don't feel that I have gotten past any of the hurt, anger, bitterness...just before we left NJ my H asked me a question and I replied and he just looked at me and said "Will you stop being so f@#$ing nasty to me all the time?!" I didn't realize I was doing it but he had and so did my sister. There are just so many things we don't agree on and it is almost as if we don't then I can't move on, but I really want to.<BR>It is strange b/c here I am in this apartment and as my h is traveling the past few days I realized that this is what it would be like if we were to split up. I never thought about it before when he traveled b/c our house was so familiar to me, but here I am on my own, don't know the roads, ect...and it saddened me to think of it, and my next thought was how I would feel if he were to send her off at the bustop and we were split up? I would be missing him. I guess that is some progress huh?<BR>Well, it is late and I am, of course, rambling. It is just so good to be back in cyberspace. I really missed this. Signing off for tonite!

NGU I am happy to hear you are doing better. Remember a day at a time or even a minute at a time is all we can do. What type of issues do your H and you disagree on? Agreement on major issues have helped me so much.<BR>I know what you mean about being alone and thinking that is how it'll be if you split. I felt that too when my H was out of the house. I missed him terribly. Do you know what? When we'd talk and I sensed he wasn't yet in my corner, it was easier and easier not to have him around. I was actually ready to move on w/that pain of losing him, but it was better than the constant pain of having him around and feeling like he really didn't know WHAT he wanted or how to tell me.<P>It's not a year from d-day yet but I have struggled w/July as it's when H ended it completely with ow and presto in late Aug. she was preg. She didn't tell him until Sept. I can only imagine what will happen on d-day. It's sad isn't it?<P>I wish you and H the best NGU. Prayers to you.<BR>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Dear NGU,<P>Welcome back to the board. Just remember that on the scale of high stress events that psychologists made up, a major move is one of those high-stress events. I think that when you add in the stress that we are all going through in our marriages and throw in any other high stress event you stir up all sorts of things. In our case, my H has been unemployed since last July and is now about to go back to work. Mix that in with any unresolved stuff from the affair and you get double stress plus a little.<P>I am glad to hear that you are both doing pretty much OK. Enjoy your new house. It sounds like you will be in sooner than you thought.<P>How many of you are living in the two-bedroom apt?<P>Love, <BR>MJ