I have been married for nearly two years and after reading about the different senarios, I have noticed that none have addressed the topic of the husband having a child in an affair. While I was pregnant my husband had a one night stand(so he says) and from that his daughter was born. Our son was born in April and she was born in August. Still after two years I find that this situation is at times unbearable. I have tried to be understanding but in May of this year we found out that we are expecting, I am thrilled but there is still a part of me that resents my husband. The situation is far more complicated that I could have ever imagined and now I am starting have regrets about being married to this man. I love him but I am tired of fighting his sons mother ( previous relationship) and his daughter's mother (the affair) and trying to gain some understanding of how to cope. Any suggestions?<P>------------------<BR>Trying to Cope

My Goodness Patrice,<BR>Your H had twins, with someone 6 years ago (in your post to Mina), and OC last Aug had another OC ? . so this past year you got hit with 3 extra OC ???, I would be nuts. well most all the women here are in the same boat (I was breifly...turned out OW LIED, H was not the father) well I am sorry you are going through this and your PG again....very stressful. Good luck to you

MyCross, <BR>Thank you for your reply. Let me explain a little to you my situation maybe you can give me some insight. Four years ago I met my H. We were dating and then into our secon year he came to me about the boys. My first response was you know I don't want to deal with another womans child. And he understood but I was in Love and thought that God would give me the strength to bear all this, (which He has). The following year "98" he came to me prior to getting married and said he had a one night stand and that the woman said she was pregnant. Well I was devasted especially considering everything else. My parents were hurt but they thought that he made a mistake and that maybe the baby was not his. In January "99" I found out that I was pregnant. I thought my world had suddenly taken a turn for the absolute worst. I was under so much stress that I delivered my beautiful son six weeks early. We did get married in Oct "99" and only in September after the blood test were done did we confirm that the OC was his. God has given me such strenght I can't begin to tell you. However this past year the boys mother contacted the the OC mother and they have some how decided to band together to make my life a living HELL. But I am still married and actually our marriage is working inspite of all the headache. It is hard for me to accept the OC, she is a beautiful little gil but my heart just aches when I dwell on her conception. What am I going to do now? I want to have this baby more than anything else and I pray that she is a girl only to fill the gap or need my husband must feel seeing the OC only once a week. Am I being selfish or am I just healing normally?

patrice:<P>Wow. I am really sorry for the complicated mess you are living in. One OW is bad enough but when you're saddled with a bitter former lover too, you must feel really ganged up on.<P>Excuse me for asking, but why would you marry a man with two children from a previous relationship, knowing that another impending birth from another woman was about to take place? At least all this happened to you BEFORE you were married, which to me, I would have felt far less betrayed if it all would have happened before I knew my husband. I'm sure there are extenuating circumstances that are not clear to us, not knowing your complete story yet.<P>Regardless of the issues, you have come to the right place to find the tools to begin your healing process. The people here have been through it all and have weathered the most horrific experienmces imaginable only to come through them with not only their marriages intact, but thriving as well.<P>We suggest you begin by studying the Harley principles and read all the books and implement the Rules of Honesty and Protection and incorporate the Policy of Joint Agreement within your marriage. Go back and read all the old posts from all the members on this site to familarize yourself with each particular story and take what benefits your situation and leave the rest. Retrouvaille is another wonderful option for people in troubled marriages dealing with betrayal issues and OC issues. You can find information about this amazing organization on <A HREF="http://www.retrouvaille.com." TARGET=_blank>www.retrouvaille.com.</A> <P>Good luck to you and welcome...you've come to the right place. Let the healing and understanding begin.<P>Catnip =^^=

patrice<BR>I can't really think of advice right now but want to welcome you to the board. We have some pretty heated discussions around here! I'm sorry you're in this boat but we're happy to help you paddle. Great idea to read up on the Harley principles and take the Emotional Needs and Love Busters quizzes with your H (!!!!!!!!) If your marriage is strong it will help you irrigardless of XOWs...<BR>Later,<BR>J in recovery 3 years (yeah! )