Need some guidance about my son. I've been afraid to step off into this room for sometime. So be it. I need comparitive situations to determine what I need/can/should do.<P>My History: <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010792.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010792.html</A> <P>Thanks<P>------------------<BR>Husband2You<BR>*****<BR>Don't make me promises <BR>Baby you never did know how to keep them well <BR>I've had the rest of you <BR>Now I want the best of you <BR>It's time for show and tell<P>'All or Nothing' © 2001 O-Town

H2Y<P>Whoa, Cowboy, you've got a bigger mess than a basket of rattlers.<P>I read the first two pages of your story and the responses you received on GQ and all I can say is listen to K, listen to K. His advice, as always, is the most prudent and logical.<P>Contact with the OM in any fashion will retard any healing you could already be experiencing together.<P>As for the OC...is it OM's or yours? I had to 'speed read' to catch up...was a DNA done?<P>I wish I could offer more, H2Y, than just to tell you 'listen to K', but I completely concur with his assessment and can't offer much more than commiseration. <P>I seem to be short on insight these days, but you're in my prayers and it really is good to hear from you again, even though I wish you didn't need to still be here.<P>God bless<P>Catnip =^^=

Dear H2Y,<P>Well, my H and I are sort of in the same shoes as you and your wife. The main difference is that OM is not in the picture, and as far as we know, he doesn't even know about the baby. I just wanted to give you some insight from the W's side on the feelings of being betrayed, even though I was also the WS. <P>Our D-day was just over a year ago, and the D-day for the pregnancy was a year ago today. OM was married, and turned out to also be violent, but never hit me. He asulted my H on the first D-day, hence one of the two major reasons for not letting him know about the pregnancy. After we found out that I was pregnant, my H came clean with me about A's that he'd had over the past 7 years. It was a very hard thing for me do deal with, but I love him, and we both made mistakes which we will pay for the rest of our lives. I am not judging your W, or your feelings for eachother, but if she loves you, she can and will forgive you. It is a hard thing to do, since my very first D-day was 9 years ago! I have had 2 A's, the first was for the sole purpose of getting back for what my H did 9 yrs ago. This last one was out of stupidity, and OM was there when I was at my lowest, due to H's schedule and how little time we had spent together for the year before the A happened. We both made mistakes, and have both forgiven eachother for it. <P>I recall from the other post that your W knows you come to this board. I was wondering if she has ever posted, or still wants to try to work things out. If she needs someone to talk to, I am very open to listen and offer advice, if I can. I really hope that you two can work this out, and raise the baby together. Don't give up now. <P>I don't know if this helped out any, just thought it would help to see that you can be forgiven.<P>I gotta go. Abbi is making herself be known, and she's none too happy right now.<P>Tigger<P>PS My H also posts here, tho not as often as I do. His user name is Sailorman59.

Catnip..<P>Remember me?<P>E m p t y / S t o n e h e n g e<P>------------------<BR>Husband2You<BR>*****<BR>Don't make me promises <BR>Baby you never did know how to keep them well <BR>I've had the rest of you <BR>Now I want the best of you <BR>It's time for show and tell<P>'All or Nothing' © 2001 O-Town

H2Y,<P>I read your story the other night and honestly couldn't come up with a solution to anything. I actually came up with more possibilities than anything else. So to keep it to the matter of your infant son, I'll give you my perception of the possibilities.<P>1)<BR>If you get a DNA test, it could possibly result in you actually being the bio dad of your son. If this is the case, and you ARE the bio-dad, there's a good and a bad.<P>The good is: your wife may not feel the need to continue with the relationship with the other man and you both can begin to work on your marriage. The bad: your wife will still remain with the other man and you'll have to take her to court to get visitation with your son. <P>2)<BR>If you get a DNA test, it could possibly result in you not actually being the father of this infant son, which probably means the other man is the bio-dad. The good: If you're marriage doesn't improve, you won't be able to fight for visitation even though you have bonded with this child already (so it seems from your other posts). The good: one less problem on the table to concern yourelf with. The bad? It's not really a problem if you love this child as if he were your own and this would cause even more problems. <P>If you're truly interested in keeping your marriage intact, perhaps it's not the time to worry about who is the father of this child. Then again, it may be a great way to make your marriage more bonded if the results say YOU are the father. It's such a hard call as to what to do, that only time will tell what the right avenue is to take. <P>So, maybe now isn't the time to do anything drastic, then again, the choice is yours. Maybe it is time for you to know the answers and then you won't be dangling in the air. <P>If you haven't done so already though, one thing I would advise is to seek some form of counseling for you and your wife, togethe as a family. Perhaps it won't help the marriage, but it will help keep the relationship on an even keel so you can talk to each other more openly and honestly, something all the children involved need. <P>Whatever you decide, I wish you and yours the very best of luck.<P>Take care,<BR>CoR<BR>