I want to believe everything happens for a reason<BR>But WHAT is the reason here???<BR>The only one i can think of is to tell me to get away from him<BR>sometimes i feel the only way ill ever get over it is by not being with him<BR>but would that even work??<BR>would i still be obsessed by thoughts and sadness?<P>I still cant help but ask WHY?????????<P>Sometimes i feel i cant blame h i had filed for divorce we had been separated for over 4 months before he had this 2 week couple time fling<BR>if thats even the truth, (do i really truly fully trust and believe him?)<BR>because his story makes the odds so much less likely<BR>couple drunken times with a condom she knew he was still in love with me<P>just watched ricki lake where the girls werelying about bc and poking holes in condoms<BR>the show gave them pg tests all neg, of course except the one who was nearly 6 months along and seeing a dr already<P>I still just have to ask GOD why???<BR>why did this happen whta are you trying to tell me <BR>i need to get it soon cuz this hurts <BR>I wonder if i am being punished for something ive done <P>hoped it was a lie at first thought maybe she d miscarry happens all the time to other people thought shed change her mind about the abortion thought the dna test would be neg (HOW could she possibly know when it was 2 times and found out another guy living there?) <BR>but here i am <P>

never,<BR>It was NOT God's idea for your H to cheat on you!! Humans have free will and H chose and XOW chose to use their free will for sin. The OC results because our bodies are created to reproduce and many times that "works" whether we like it or not... Whether it is God's idea for that to happen to XOW I can't tell you... but I know in our case if the XOW had not gotten pregnant my H would have never told me and he would not have been humbled into seeking God either. It is in our worst moments that we turn to Him. Still, am I glad it happened? Not even once!<P>We can pray that God uses these awful situations for good, for good to somehow come of them, for God to guide each of us to our higher purpose (the couple, the OC, not necessarily together).<P>That's my take on it today.<BR>May peace come over you, Never... <BR>J in recovery 3years

never_be_same,<BR> Your questions sound just like what was going through my head in the beginning. I'm so sorry for your pain. In time some of your questions will be answered some there never will be answers for but you somehow learn to live with it. Hugs to you. with love flowerseed

Jenny is right. God had nothing to do with you H having an affair or with ow getting pregnant. Now you just wait to see what God will do with the situation if you allow him to. He will not stop evil from happening like we would like, but he bring some positive out of this. Put your trust in him.<P>Let Go and Let God...it was the smartest thing I ever did.<P>Love<BR>bw

Sometimes i think that the oc was born because it is meant to do great things. Find a cure for a disease, become a peace ambassador, something important and meaningful and on my bad days i am sure the oc will become REALLY famous for something like siinging, acting or sports(like the tennis star) and the WHOLE world willl know my family business. I just try and remember that God loves us all and just do the best i can.

NeverBeTheSame,<BR>No honey God is not punishing you. I know it feels that way but HE is not and does not "punish" us here on earth. Satan however delights in sin. He allows the sin of adultry. Maybe the pregnancy IS God's way of H's shaking loose from the A.<BR>A huge wake up call to reality.<P>God calling him back to HIS ways.<P>Bless you. Prayers to you.<BR>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Dear Never,<P>I so agree with all those who have already posted here. God loves you and he doesn't send these horrible things to punish us. However, we live in a world that is infected by sin. We do have to suffer the consequences of our own sin (not that you have a sin in this case) and <B>unfortunately</B> the sin of those around us (your husband in this case).<BR>We are all suffering the consequences of our spouses' sin.<P>A few years ago in a difficult time I found comfort in a book called "When Bad Things Happen to Good People." It treats the question of "why did this happen to me?" <P>Shalom,<BR>MJ

I'm right there with you girl........I am struggling with looking for the lesson God has in store for me....Patience has always come easy for me in the past, but this time I am being so impatient. Thank you ladies for giving the words of wisdom earlier. I know that until I let go of this anger and unbelief that God isn't going to take care of whatever comes, then I will no be at peace with the situation. Please help me to gain the courage to give it all to God and let Him handle whatever comes, because I know I can't do it myself. You hang in there, you here! Keep talking to us, and holding my hand. We'll go through this together, ok?!

Hi Never be same!<P>Same thoughts go through my head. Why, why, why...<P>Of all the loving couples out there ready to give<BR>love and hope to a child...why did the op get pregnant<BR>with a child that was NOT intended, NOT desired, NOT<BR>anticipated, and downright wrong. It makes me sick<BR>to my stomach to think of her with my H child.<BR>She does not deserve the beautiful gift of a precious<BR>baby. <P>Everyone is right...we were not singled out for this<BR>to happen. Bad **** happens in this world...all the time.<P>To me it feels like there was an evil force in my life<BR>that I didnt know about. Now that it is known to me,<BR>I can pray that I remain a good mom, that I not live<BR>my life full of regret and sorrow. I am working on being<BR>the best wife I can be. I know we all make mistakes...<BR>people wonder HOW can we forgive our H for this...<BR>but they do not see them daily making up for the pain.<BR>They dont see the love, the faith and the renewed commitment<P>Hope you are feeling better today. I'd still love to <BR>catch up with you and exchange emails.<P>Take care, fluke<P>

[QUOTE]Originally posted by fluke:<BR>[B]Hi Never be same!<P>Same thoughts go through my head. Why, why, why...<P>Of all the loving couples out there ready to give<BR>love and hope to a child...why did the op get pregnant<BR>with a child that was NOT intended, NOT desired, NOT<BR>anticipated, and downright wrong. <P><BR> I can not say i agree with you. Just because the child may not have been conceived in love does not mean it was not born into love. I am sure if the ow is a good mom, I know i know a A LOT of the ow are really bad moms and use their child as a pawn in a game i am not talking about those moms, that that child was desired and anticipated. i would love to say our ow is a rotten mom so i coulsd be in the majority but she is not. I am sure my first child's father felt this way but the momment i8 gave birth my child became my world iand i would do anything for her and that meant collecting cs whethre the fatehr wanted to pay or not. I understand why the ow collects and i would expect no less from my hubby. Some of these ow are pathetic and should never have beeen allowed to bred but some are good motheras and all children should be born into love even if by only one parent, if not born into love than give up for adoption.

Dear NBS,<P>We too have an OW who is a wonderful mother. It is obvious that OW is putting forth tremendous effort to be the best mom she can and that OC is surrounded by loving grandparents, aunts and uncles. It actually helps me dislike her less that she is a good parent.<P>I just wish she could allow visitation w/o getting worked up into a lather.<P>MJ <p>[This message has been edited by Mrs. Job (edited July 31, 2001).]

whatif said "if not born into love than give up for adoption".<P>Whatif, there are birthmoms out there who might BEAN you for that statement, including a couple of birthmoms right on this board! Women who adopt out their child usually do so because they want a better life for him/her, and it IS done with love. A friend adopted out her third child mostly because she couldn't afford him and her life was unstable... once/year she gets a letter and pictures of him with his adoptive family, which she CRIES over every time, but she is glad he has things she could never give him--stability, a WHOLE(!) family, a middle-class lifestyle, good neighborhoods, college fund, etc. <P>H and I wish our OC had those things too, but the choice is not ours to make.<P>(Sorry to crash your thread Never.)

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Jenny:<BR>[B]whatif said "if not born into love than give up for adoption".<P>Whatif, there are birthmoms out there who might BEAN you for that statement, including a couple of birthmoms right on this board! Women who adopt out their child usually do so because they want a better life for him/her, and it IS done with love. <P> I completely agree, that child was born into love the mother loved the child so much she wanted what was best for that child and she felt she couldn't be the best mother so she gave child up for adoption, but if a mother loves the child and thinks they can be a wonderful parent then that is also ok, oh my god i hope you don't think I meant giving a child up is not a sign of love just the opposite!

Usually the pattern goes like this: Between God's promise and the manifestation of that promise, comes life's problems. We have a promise from God, we're moving toward it, we run into problems. The problems are opportunities to trust God.<P>I believe God tests our faith and He is in control of our destiny. I believe He holds the enemy back so that we cannot be utterly destroyed. Remember the devil had to have God's permission to attack Job?<P>I think God has to get us all to a point in our lives where we reach the ends of ourselves, you know, so that we have no choice but to trust Him rather than trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it. Instead, we are in a position where we are forced to trust God and that isn't such a bad position to be in. He will rescue us from certain doom--as many times as we need rescuing.<P>Keep trusting God to get you every step of the way because if you get too far out there wandering and wondering into the future, it gets too confusing. God knows the end from the beginning. He knew we would all be in our certain situations and it's no surprise to Him. Perhaps it could be more productive to ask God how to get through it rather than why it happened, whatever 'it' is?<P>Because HECK NO! You didn't deserve what was handed to you and I'm sure God sees and knows this. He is not punishing you. Sin catches up and I'm sure when the enemy was tempting your husband, the big, devastating picture was not presented in living color. Nevertheless, God is bigger and He is able and willing to pull us through life's storms safely to the other side. Sending lots of love and prayers your way for a good day, from one moment to the next.