How many here where confessed or told by someone else other than your H ?<P>Who was told by thier H immediately after the pregnancy was discovered?<P>Who was told after the birth?.. and how many months or years after??

Well I was hit with both things at once. I also was begged by H not to leave him. He always loved ME through all of this. OW has never denied he told her that either.<BR>It took a long time but he has shown me what "fantasy" in affairs is all about.<BR>He has told me he'd never want me to feel slighted sexually as he knows I probably wondered about it.<P>What the heck...30 years of sex against a year or two of a few hours a month! I win!!! Don't I??? ha ha ha <BR>All I know is we are elated with each other and we are each others reason for waking each morning.<P>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

I found out about the affair and the OC at the same time. I opened some mail addressed to my H. It turned out to be the court order for child support and a declaration of child support. I thought it was some sort of sick joke.....but then, after confronting my h, discovered the "joke" was on me. I had been completely clueless. The affair had been over for over two years and the child was two.

Hi Incognitess,<P>Sorry you have to be here. I hope your situation will<BR>turn out for the best. We are a supportive family here.<P>I found out everything in one sentence. I had no idea <BR>anything had even happened. He told me when the op had<BR>"demanded he pay for what he did". The oc had just turned<BR>one when I found out. That was last June. In 1998 they<BR>had sex once after she came whoring around just before<BR>we got married. She was and remains married herself.<BR>I could not understand why she didnt raise the child<BR>with her h. Oh yeah there's money involved, believe me<BR>it had NOTHING to do with what was in the best MENTAL<BR>interest of HER child...only that she be compensated for<BR>being a slut. HE wanted nothing more than to erase the<BR>bad deed from his mind...very sorry for the pain it caused.<BR>Sorry, having a bad morning.

Darasarest: I found out the same exact way. My H had been in an automobile accident on the parkway a few weeks before and I thought it had to do with that. And I too thought it was someone harrassing him until he told me it was true...amazing huh. Even with that in my hands I gave him the benefit of the doubt...<P>Hey Incognitess...where are you? are you okay?....email me if you can!

I was told by H after 2nd pregnancy of ow. H told me of A 3 months before due date. I had suspicions after first OC,(3 years ago) but he denied, and trusting me believed him. If only I had really persued my intuitions there probably would not have been oc #2. Positive side to this is we are working it out, tough sometimes, you bet, dday has only been 4 months. H has taken responsibility for OCs and has started informal visits weekly. <BR>I wish you the best. <BR>Tina

I learned about OW and OC in the same moment. I logged onto H's computer to print out photos for the children we were trying to adopt and Adobe PhotoShop opened up to a directory of pictures of OW and OC. He had gone on a business trip two weeks earlier and she had flown to where he was and spent the week with him. They slept together one last time and he broke it off--for good he said. OC was 4 months old. If I had not discovered the A, I don't know if he would have had the strength to stay away from her. They had some sort of addiction toward each other.<P>MJ

I found out the old fashioned way - an email from ow. hehe<P>I found out about the a many ways, many times, but h would go to his death denying it. When he couldn't deny it anymore (I had found a letter she wrote from jail), he started to tell little bits of his story. He got on drugs really bad, she was one of his dealers and she was more than happy to give him drugs in exchange for sex. She was doing many other people at the time, but I guess she wanted the one she couldn't have. <P>While reading the letter, she mentioned pregnancy, but she figured she wasn't because all the other addicts were late getting their periods while "drying out."<P>She got out of jail and tried to contact my husband constantly, but he would not give her the time of day. Two months later, she sends us both an email announcing the sex of the child and threatening everything. I didn't believe her, so I did some investigating and found out.<P>She is doing the only good thing for everyone involved - giving the child up for adoption. The child was conceived on drugs and the ow was on drugs heavily the first month after conception. We are not sure if oc is h's and we may never find out. He is pretty sure she was doing her drug dealers and some of his friends at the same time he did her a few times, but with his luck, the child is his.<P>H and I are doing wonderful and this was the kick in the butt we needed - especially him. He is evolving into the most wonderful man and an even greater husband. I don't think he would have come around and made the changes that were necessary for a good life.

Wow Samoyed, that's quite a story. I like how you make reference to this being the kick in the butt he needed and how the marriage is working now. Good for you. And I am really glad this OW, who sounds like a real nightmare, is giving the child up. Sounds like she would not be a good mother.

My h confessed the A and OC when OW was 5 months pregnant. I had confronted him several times and of course he denied having A. He says he was waiting to make sure OW wouldn't miscarry or abort OC. But all the while, they were still seeing each other and he actually slept with her after he found out she was pregnant! How crazy is that?!

mbm626,<P>it's not too crazy to think they'd sleep with OW after learning of the pregnancy. Their frame of thought, "she's already pregnant, why not." The worst dead had already been done, it couldn't get any worse. Right???<P>Mine did, and I'd be surprised if there aren't many more.<P>Plus their just plain stupid. Mine continued to have unprotected sex after the baby was born. I thank my lucky stars she didn't get preg again.<P>Z.<P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

You can chalk mine up on that same list. Damage done, shes so sad , why not? Whatever..anyways. I found out bc all kinds of $ was disappearing out of our bank account. My H used to have a bad habit of spending $ when he was really stressed. I contacted him about it and he said he was stressed. I was like what the hell could make you freak out this bad? My D and I were supposed to go see him the next week and this was the $ we were supposed to use. He finally told me he had been "unfaithful". Then he told me it got worse. I couldnt imagine how it could possibly be worse. He says "shes pregnant" I thought I was going to die. My God I wanted to at the time. but this is over 2 yrs later and for the most part we are doing wonderfully.<BR>Love<BR>bw

With hindsight these things are so predictable, hunh? <P>Ditto... XOW told H at 6mo pg and H waited another 2 months to tell me--bonking her along the way. Yuck Yuck YUCK! What makes it yuckiest of all is she was still pretending to be my friend right up to DDay. We even babysat her kids the day before dday.

BonnieBB,<P>Thank you for the kind note. Maybe you can understand some of my rage and blanket statements, something I will stop making. I am new posting here and have been worked up. It took me 2 months of lurking to actually post.<P>There are times I feel bad for her because she is so messed up, but I read her email and letters, talk to people around them at that time and things like that and I really want to cause pain to her. I have done very well being polite and decent, but she keeps pushing my rope. I don't think she is adopting because she has a good heart, I truly believe it is so she can go back to her old way of life. The last contact with her was last week. She dropped off a note for my h. Do you think anything she ever writes is about the welfare of the child? Heck NO!! All she does is badger him because he dumped her while she was in jail. The only time she ever mentioned the child was to get my attention and to get him to talk to her. Pretty sad using pregnancy for that.<P>You know, when I just knew of the a and figured there was no child, I would read this board and feel very bad for the women going through this. I knew that if I was going through it, I would dump my husband quicker than anything. Well, it happened and I haven't. Trippy!<P>

I had a 6 month delay in my finding out about oc. My h one night when I had finally had enough of his insane behavoir and told him I was done trying decided to try to tell the truth.<BR> He came in the house said he had to tell me something. I thought he was going to say he was doing drugs or something like that. He said I went out with someone else one time and yes he had unprotected sex. <BR> I had suspected this girl that he worked with was chasing him but never did I think he was stupid enough to have anything to do with her. She would call the house suposely to do with work. I said quit a few times why didnt none of the guys ever have to talk to him about work he always had an excuse. It bugged me but I just figured my thinking was nuts and he would never actually have anything to do with her.<BR> Anyhow he denied that it was her a millon times and stuck to his story that it was a girl he ment on one of the jobs and that it happened one time and no way possible that she could have gotten preg.<BR> The truth came out when oc was 2 weeks old this girl that he used to work with called and aked for my h. Couldnt be anything to do with work sence he had quit that job right after telling me he cheated. When I told her he wasnt home she hung up on me. I knew her sickening voice and plus good old *69. When she answered the phone I asked her if she was the one he screwed.I knew in my heart the story he had told me made no sense. Anyhow she asked me if I knew everything. I said yes and when I asked what she wanted , she said she wanted to know if he wanted anything to do with his 2 week old son and no she didnt want money.<BR> I was in total shock when he got home he acted like it was no big deal. He said that it wasnt his that she had been screwing another guy and he just didnt believe it was his.<BR> This night was when I learned what had went on he said she had chased him for some time (Im thinking around 3 months. We were having alot of problems and he just didnt care anymore what he did says he did it three times in her car after work. He ended it with her and told her it would never happen again. <BR> Two weeks after this she called him saying she was pregnate when that didnt work a few weeks after that she called and said she had a STD and that I gave it to her.She said that I was out messing around on him and didnt know I had a STD. I thought that was a real good one at this point wanted to kill her and him.I guess this is were he got his logic that she was preg from someone else since he didnt have a std he figured she contacted after she was with him.<BR> I made him call her and tell her what his intentions were which he said he had made it clear right from day one that he wanted no part of it he also said he had forked over 500.00 dollars for her to abort she wouldnt.But I made him call her anyway.<BR> Jan he was served with papers saying she wanted child support. Had dna done 99.96 we then had to go in and talk to the pro atty and he signed papers. Then FOC started raping his pay check every week and harrasings us about the few months of support that had built up sense she filed. It dosent seem to matter that a amount was added to the garnishing of his paycheck they wanted it all right now. Not only that he had to pay for all the testing she wasnt made to pay for anything. They still havent dropped that and its been payed for since Jan. Now that I think I over answered your question I'll shut up. with love flowerseed <BR> <P><p>[This message has been edited by flowerseed (edited August 02, 2001).]

I found out by a phone call from OW's mother (she was about 20) saying that her daughter is pregnant by my husband.<P>He was lost, the possibility of POJA, something I always lived by before I knew what it was only seemed like control to him. He was lost in a cycle of staying after work (worked in a bar) drinking and the inevitable happened. Once it did, as much as he didn't enjoy wat he was doing, he couldn't break that cycle either. Both habit and fear of me knowing. Our marriage is now pretty good, he's open to Harley ideas (if I read them aloud-he's not much of a reader) and if you judge his actions only on the present (w/o knowing of past mistakes) he's great. This is what makes me fear for you, my dear.<P>From what I understand, you don't know if there's an OC or not? Have you confrounted H? If you have, and he denies you either have to uncover the truth or believe him. After what we've all been thru just in the affair itself, I'm sure most of these ladies will agree that our minds can be our worst enemies. We may think that the 15 minuet delay in his getting home wasn't really the traffic, a slight difference in tone of voice isn't just that he's tired, etc.....<P>and you'll make yourself sick (sometimes literally) with these dreadful thoughts. Try to find out what is true, and if you come up empty handed, maybe consider there's nothing to find for your own sake. My prayers are with you<p>[This message has been edited by DumbStruck (edited August 03, 2001).]

Dumbstruck<P>i am trying to keep that in mind but it is very very hard..if you read my thread about coincidences then you may understand where in coming from as far as all this is concerned..its hard..just so very hard

I ty for all your replies and will rely later due to the fact that my daughter is yelling at me to get off the computer to take her out :-)<P>hugs

I found out through an anonymously typed letter left on my windshield one morning as I was leaving for work. Drove to H work rather than my own and confronted him. He admitted to it right away. Letter also stated ow was pregnant. He also admitted to that. OW denies to this day that she was the one that left the note, but she was the only one who knew of the affair, besides H, and the only one who knew my car...only had it for one month, and the only one who knew where we lived...only lived there for two months. So anyway...still in recovery.