I was jus wondering if your lawyer ever contacted you? Have things died down at all aroud your church? I hope so.

Gem,<P>I was also wondering, as well as concerned by the post by TonK under your thread about the church bulletin. Is that truly your S, or just someone trying a new angle to hurt you or someone else here? Please, let us know.<P>Tigger

gem, i'm sending good thoughts your way. I hope things are well on your front. we love you.<P>z.<P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Hi whatif,Tigger4jdt,and Zebrababy,<BR>Ummm let's see.<BR>Lawyer faxed me without an answer to my legal q's. Said he's waiting to hear from ow's lawyer and ow was out of town at that time. She's back and it's been quiet so far.<P>A retraction was in church bulletin the following Sunday listing ow as single parent using her married name. My family and I are leaving the parish over this.<P><BR>Last week H received another bill for dr. visits from ow's brother who is a dr. I opened it, copied it, put it back in the envelope and wrote return to sender on it. It went back to his office. Then I called my BIL who is a dr, to find out what we can do about the harrassment. (her brother doesn't charge anyone in the family and it was joked about when we'd all go out together).<P>Bil said to call and tell office that this is unethical and harrassment. To remove H's name from all future bills. That we were reporting Dr. to ohio state attorney general's office AND ohio state medical board for unethical practices. Furthermore we KNOW dr doesn't bill other 3 ow children!<BR>Boy was that girl apologetic! Told me H's name is out of computer as responsible party. Telling me they only go by what info parent puts down. THAT'S where I said I also do billing in a dr office and know for a fact all the girls there were well aware what dr's sister was doing. WE know our dr's family NEVER get billed! Boy was I good! <P>That's how all this newest mess started when I said to H you're not giving the baby our name are you? He said he didn't know. I told H I won't allow it. She's using the name to smear all of this in my face at any opportunity she gets. Son agreed w/me.<BR>Mr. conflict avoider didn't want to argue about it yesterday. I told him I'm prepared to leave him over this. I don't want the embarrassment any more. I have taken all I can and that name would be disrespectful to me and our son if he gives permission to her.<BR>We are now being polite to each other. I'll give him a few days to think about how I feel and ask again and demand an answer then.<BR>I'll keep you all posted.<P>Thanks, Zebra for your kind words to our wounded son. You too Catnip.<P>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Hey Gem,<P>I wish that things were better for you right now. I am happy about the retraction, and that you got things "handled" at the Dr. office. I can't believe that those girls would send the bill, knowing that it is Dr. nephew, when they don't bill for the other 3 children! <P>I am sorry that you and H are butting heads about the name issue. I personally feel that any child born out of wedlock should have the last name of the mother, what ever it may be at the time. Therefore, your H's name should NOT be given to that child. There was no marriage between the two, and, especially with OW not wanting to allow visitation and such. I am sorry that this woman has done this to you, your son, her H and her children!! Is she forcing the issue on the name?<P>I didn't want to post too much when your S posted on your other thread. With all the crap that was flying that week, I didn't feel like "starting" with someone else. I can understand his anger and pain, and was happy to see his second post, clarifying his feelings better. I hope that he feels better about us now, and will pray for his pain in all this.<P>Love,<P>Tigger

I can say I honestly agree w/ Tigger, the OW should have the child w/ her last name. Understand it is not to protect anyone from embarresment but to allow the child to have the same last name as the mother. I hate seeing children with a different last name than the mother, it puts unseemingly conitations (sp)in the view of the mother. If the mother were remarried, maybe that's one thing, put even then I still feel she should keep her last name the same as far as all her children go.

Guess what? H calmed down today and said he wants his son to have his name especially when he ends up paying cs.......BUT HE WON'T ALLOW IT!!!! He doesn't want to lose me or ruin us.<BR>Now I know that was a lot to ask from such a macho Italian man but even in the Godfather, Sonny's oc did not get his name!<P>I told him I was the one to call the shots here. If ow hadn't rubbed this matter in my face by using last name the way she had I may not have minded. Now two people will have to put their wishes aside(H and ow...and baby too). I can't live w/ the idea "she gets the name anyway" I need to WIN some battles and be reassured H wants me at all costs.<BR>He knew I was serious. I would have left! I can only withstand so much pain from ow. Enough is enough w/no fighting back!<P>My son apologized and posted during a heated arguement between H and myself. He gets scared and wants us together as a family. I told him also it's what I can and can't deal with that will keep us together.<BR>My self esteem is on an all time high. <P>I would have missed H but moved on knowing I gave it my best.<P>Thanks to all of you guys. Lifesavers are what you are.<P>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

gemini1, I know somewhat of what you are feeling. I'm sorry for your pain.<P>Five and one-half years ago, I found papers with a post office box number, in another city, addressed to H from OW with our last name. At first I thought H was a bigamist. The shock and hurt I felt, when I discovered that OW legally changed her last name to our's, and OC's too, was a real blow. At the time of discovery, I never, ever, suspected that my H had an A resulting in two OC's. Shocking, and hurtful, are too mild to describe.<P>I know how you feel about OC not having your H's last name. But it sure would be difficult for OW to explain, why this child of hers does not have her H's name, to all her freinds and family for the rest of her life. This is something for you to think about. OW would have to endure this embarrassment. Her other three children would have a different name. She would always have to explain why.<P>I hope things work out for you. ember

You are most welcome Gem.<P>Z.

Geeze ember, how young was your ow?<BR>I would have sued for harrassment...is it possible? Yuck!!!<BR>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

My OW is the same age as I am. H is 10 years older than both of us. <P>Legally, she did it.Anyone can change their name to anything. ember