Hi all,<P>H and I are having a real rough patch and he has finally spoken up about some of his feelings. He doesn't want me to tell him stories about other couples here on MB. I thought that it was helpful to him to know that we aren't alone. He says it just makes him feel guilty. <P>I have also been thinking that my interest here on these boards has become a bit unhealthy for me. I check back here too frequently and you know that I have wondered if it keeps me thinking about the affair after it has become a productive thing to do. I don't know, but I am starting to believe that we (H and I) have learned the lessons that we need to learn from this mess and are ready to apply the lessons and move forward.<P>So, I am going to take a break for a week--no reading and no posting. I will see what it feels like. If I make it through w/o severe physical symptoms of withdrawal, I will come back to post goodbyes to the friends I have made here. I won't say my long mushy farewells to you all yet; I'll save that for next week. I probably won't stay gone forever, but right now there are other things that I (and we) need to concentrate on--like dating and weight loss.<P>He has finally confessed that my weight is a huge issue for him. He said it like I was going to crumple up and die. What he thought I didn't know I was really fat? I am a size 24 now for God's sake, what did he think? I didn't notice this huge [censored] following me around? <P>When I was a size 12 and he told me that I was too heavy, I felt really bad because I felt like he was holding me to standards from when I was age 20 and that I couldn't meet any more--being a size 6. We know that what we are talking about now is a healthy and attractive weight, not being a supermodel. That's what all this anger was about this week. He finally got it out and finished denying that my weight was a problem for him and told me that he didn't want to stay married to me if I didn't fix this problem. I told him thank you for finally being really honest and that he wasn't telling me anything that I hadn't already figured out. <P>I feel that it shouldn't matter what I look like, but I was surprised when I saw his Emotional Needs questionnaire and it placed an attractive spouse 3rd behind intelligence (one he added) and conversation. You know he has told me in many ways over the years that my weight wasn't acceptable to him and I didn't listen. What he looks like (bald, chubby and hairy) doesn't matter a whit to me but it is wrong to assume that we will both have the same needs.<P>I am far more concerned that he needs to work on his disrespectful judgements (not his comments about my weight) and angry outbursts. <P>I wish each and every one of you all the best.<P>MJ

Mrs. J,<P>I too struggle with my weight. I was a perfect size 14-16 when H and I met. After my son I was a perfect size 18. After my daughter I shot up to a 22-24. I have currently shed some pounds and am at a 20. I still have a ways to go to get back to the 16 I'd love to be. So I feel your pain.<P>My H has never denied he'd like to see me thinner. But he only made an issue after my son's birth. After that it really was never brought up. I know though, deep down inside he'd love to see the old me.<P>I want to loose the rest of this weight for me. Not so much for him. I would feel worlds better about myself and my health if I could shake those pounds.<P>I lost the initial 15 pounds when I had a horrible stomache virus for a week and a half. A blessing in disguise. After those first 15 lbs. went off, I started thinking why shake the momentum. My stomache had shrunk up since I wasn't eating much (everything was flowing in one end and out the other!), so I wasn't very hungry. <P>Since then, I have been very conscious of how much I eat. I haven't really "dieted" and haven't change the content much. I wasn't a big sweet eater. I'm more of a meat/potato/pasta eater. I like that full feeling. But quantity has been my key. The weight loss has been slow, but I think that's better. I have a better chance to keep it off that way.<P>H hasn't commented on my body visually changing. He does comment on how all my pants "droop in the [censored]." Those are his words.<P>I hope you find what works best for you. My cousin is on Meridia and loves it. Have you thought of trying something? The Wellbutrin has helped me feel better emotionally, which I think affects my attitued towards weight loss as well.<P>I wish you the best of luck in the weight loss and the healing of your marriage.<P>I can tell you from experience. Once H and I cleared the OW/OC issues... all the real problems of our marriage surfaced. That's when we had to take a long hard look at what needs weren't being met for each of us. <P>It took a few long excrutiating months to work through those issues. But I'd do all that hard work again any day! <P>So keep focused on your prize. Continue to work on yourself and your marriage. Take whatever steps you feel in your heart to get to the mountain top in all your dreams. <P>We love you and will miss you. I'll think about you often.<P>Z.<P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Good for you Mrs.J (on the break). Prayers for your marriage and Sept visitation!<BR>J

See you next week.<P>Catnip =^^=

Bless you Mrs. J.<BR>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Mrs.Job & Zebrababy,<BR>Please check out this website: <A HREF="http://www.wdworkshop.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.wdworkshop.com/</A> <P>It talks about a book by Gwen Shamblin called WeighDown.<P>Perhaps while you are vacationing from MB, you can devour the information out there. It's delicious! This book has helped me SO MUCH in my attitude toward food and cheesecake, which I refuse to live without. I think it will truly bless you.<P>It is the only approach toward food and weight and "dieting" that has revolutionized my thinking and attitude and prayer life. I enjoy vigorous exercise, but thinking if I eat my cheesecake then I have to exercise for two hours to get rid of it is mental pressure that I refuse to live under. We should enjoy exercise just for the fun of exercise, not because we HAVE to, like it's a must or a law or something. Exercise should be fun. Trust me, if it ain't fun, we won't stick to it.<P>I like to printout a bunch of MB posts/threads, take them with me to the LifeCycle and read them all while I ride and sweat. <P>Something funny I remember reading in the WeighDown book is that God didn't put lasagne on the earth to be ignored (paraphrasing). Instead of making the food behave by eliminating entire categories, we can modify our thinking and get back in touch with our bodies' hunger/full responses. You wait until your stomach growls before you eat anything and stop as soon as you feel satisfied. Then wait for the next growl. If your tummy is not growling but you still feel hungry, then your spirit is hungry for spiritual food--prayer, meditation, scripture reading, etc. <P>Anyway, it's very interesting and I think that you'll enjoy the testimonials as well as the information on the website and you can read the book and reap the benefits without signing up for a workshop.<P>I work nights so I never participated in a workshop--always too tired--I read the book and lost weight and kept it off. You will be amazed. If possible, let me know what you think!