i've know 7+ months, still functioning, 4 wks to estimated<BR>date of delivery. possibly won't be husband's, any tips on<BR>how to stay cool these last weeks, i don't want to cause <BR>unneeded trouble for our marriage especially if we end up<BR>just having the a and not oc to deal with. i thought going<BR>away for a couple of days when we get the "news" might be<BR>good so i don't say harmful things etc. is there any way to<BR>brace yourself for the worst? Is life with an oc out there<BR>as horrible as it seems to me right now, do you ever find <BR>peace in your marraige again? the stress of the unknown<BR>is trying on us.<BR> windfall

Whoa - almost the same boat. D-day 6 months ago - ow is due soon. Hopefully adoption will be the avenue she chooses, but I have to be ready for anything.<P>Don't know if it is h's, but with his luck it is. If it is put up for adoption, we will never know. You have very good questions. I will be awaiting other's responses.

Windfall,<P>I am only in the first month of knowing about ow and pregnancy. I only hope that I can make it as far as you have. I know that the last few weeks have got to be the hardest. Going away could be a good idea, but I think that would be the only thing on my mind. It's the only thing that I think about right now and I still have 7 months! I think what is hardest is not knowing what the ow wants from your H (and you). Whether she just wants cs or wants him to be involved and in your case if that is really even his child.<BR>I have been keeping a journal and writing in it seems to help me "get it out" and relieves some of the stress and hurt feelings. I am also going to personal counseling as well as marriage counseling with my H to "prepare" for the upcoming months.<BR>Please stay strong, I am an optimist and think that it can only get better. <P>VSAH

#1- stay busy, with H if possible.<BR>#2- work on your marriage and hopefully have made real progress on resolving issues behind the A itself...makes dealing w/ an OC (if it is) alot easier if residue of the affair isn't stinking the place up!!<BR>#3- realize that after the child is born, there's still paternity tests to wait for.<BR>#4- STAY BUSY as possible!!! Try to do fun things withh hubby so that every time you look at him you won't think about impending doom!!<BR>#5- don't necessarily pray for certain results (I made that mistake--they're actually determined at conception anyway) but do pray for strength to handle what ever you're faced with!!

it is such a help just knowing some human is out there to <BR>talk to(type at) thanks, the mariage has always been good<BR>except my h was never satisfied with any thing, discontent<BR>is a dangerous thing in a handsome man around unscrupulous<BR>females, he didn't understand that until too late. when he<BR>was followed to his hotel room and asked to talk and did and<BR>then was propostioned he couldn't think of any reason to <BR>say no, he thought he had a crummy marraige. What a mistake<BR>he found out real quick he had had it great. he was so <BR>disgusted with himself and how easily he broke his vows to<BR>me that he turned to God and asked for a new mind and a new<BR>heart, and he's so changed for the better, he's satisfied and<BR>thankful for the kids and myself, he sees with new eyes.<BR>it's odd to have the oc issue looming over us when every<BR>thing else is working out. of course the betrayl is tough<BR>to take for me, but i feel like i've been encouraged by<BR>Jesus Christ to lay down my life for a friend as he has for me, how could i not forgive him when God has, how could i <BR>explain that to our kids, sorry i was just too hurt to <BR>forgive, too selfish to give away my chance to hurt someone<BR>back, to proud to humble myself and accept a less than perfect mate. anyway we've been to counseling, together<BR>and seperately, the guy suggested general answers to my<BR>questions which made progress a little slow at first but<BR>i said the whole truth or your out and h eventually gave<BR>it all even though he thought it would kill him. (in fact he was relieved he knows i accept him even with the horrible facts) we signed<BR>a card that said we hadn't upheld the vows we made 13 years<BR>ago so we were no longer bound by them but acknowledged that<BR>what God had put together no man should put assunder. then i <BR>burned it, he thought i was going to keep for evidence or<BR>something, it was very freeing for him to make a new fresh<BR>start, restoration we called it. i have us working on terraceing) our back yard, it's nice to be working on a positive project that so occupies our being, we get dirty and<BR>sweaty and sore i can remember that when i think back on these months. i found out Jan. 13, we said our vows again<BR>before our pastor on Feb. 14 and resumed our marraige <BR>relationship, the affair ended early last Dec. it's not been perfect and our aniversary is next week, maybe that's<BR>why i'm so off balance again. we've begun the process for<BR>dna testing so the wait won't be long, we would like to adopt the child if it is my husband's but i think this girl just<BR>wanted a trophy child so the chances are slim but h later found out he wasn't the only one duhhhh, so who knows, i <BR>guess that is the big problem the waiting is almost too much, it's like waiting for a blindfold to be removed to<BR>find out what you won, the booby prize or a second chance<BR>at a happy marriage. thanks for reading through my ramblings those of you who made it through<BR> windfall<BR> i too am an optomist, looking for <BR> those unexpected benefits in what ever<BR> circumstances come my way

It's so good to hear how God has blessed your marriage and changing things for you two.<P>Regarding the due date, try not to be afraid of the unknown. Try to answer why you feel afraid and then why and then why again and come up with some answers about your worries. At least that will help you express your emotions to your husband so you both will know exactly how to pray and what to pray about.<P>It sounds like your husband is committed to you and the restoration of your marriage so OW/OC should not pose any threat to you at all, whatsoever. God will get you through it and I'm sure that what you are afraid of won't even touch you. God is so good about protecting us.

Unexpected benefits for me/us IS the second chance for a REAL marriage. one where a POJA doesn't sound to H like me trying to control, just find a compromise. <P>Be thankful that your H has turned to God. I wish mine would/could. My H knows He's there, but not that He's there for him, so doesn't turn to Him for help/guidance. Not that I'm overly religious, I tried church recently but didn't care for some things, but I do turn to Him for help and thanks.<P>Read Dr. Harley's books with your H. Here 18 months after d-day, my H is just now being exposed He's not a real reader, so I decided to read to him--e's only doing it as a favor to me, but I know some stuff's sinking in.<P>Good move on burning the card. My H often thinks I'm keeping track, won't 'let it go', if I ask questions or relapse in trust. He fears it'll always be this way. Our anniversary is coming up, too. I've resolved to have us complete the EN and LB questionaires so we know where we are at and what had been wrong before. Making a list of the mistakes (both in action and ways of thinking) and burning it as a resolve not to repeat.<P>If you and your H set your mind to it, you will not get the booby prize. We, too, knew OC could be someone else's...till we got the positive results. Would I change a thing? I'm not sure. XOW now has a little girl and I can't bring myself to wish for the nonexistance of a child. Furthermore, H is a new man, and if this was how low he had to sink to raise to where he is(though he's admitedly got a little more to go)...I can't regret that either...if only it didn't cause such lasting damage to trust!!<P>No matter what the results, know that if your relationship is strong, you will endure.<p>[This message has been edited by DumbStruck (edited August 03, 2001).]

thanks for the encouragement, you all offer a glimmer of hope that even what we perceive now as the worst can be<BR>worked through. i'll keep trying not to grow faint hearted,<BR> when i had my first child my mother was there and i remember looking at her and thinking she survived childbirth so i guess i can too, you all give me that type confidence now ,that even though this is tough ,a human can endure such trials with out lasting trama. windfall