I have been trying to figure out what forgiveness would be to me and my W. It has been 3 months since D day and I am still up and down but I know this is normal. I am trying to figure what, when or how I will know that I have forgiven my W for her A. I really want to move on but I still find myself angry, sad, depressed, etc. There are some good days, but recently there has been more bad days. There is so much going on right now. I am leaving a profession I have been a part of for six years, I am looking for a new job, we are moving in JAN, my W is pregnant from the A, on and on and on. I am not sure if all the other stresses magnify the stress from the A, who knows?? On top of it all I am trying to figure out this whole A thing and figure out what forgiveness is and when I know I have done it. These past 3 months seem like 3 years. Any advice??

Hutch,<P>If you're looking for opinions, I'll pass on mine and hope there's one or two things which may help. <P>First, TRUE forgiveness (to me) isn't something which just happens over night. It's a long process, a process which takes a lot of time and communication. Second, you're in the beginning of the process, but it's GREAT you see the possibility of forgiveness. It means your focus is for your marriage, for it growing stronger and for the two to work through this together. You know things will get better.. and they will. Third, I once thought I would wake up one day feeling better all in the name of forgiveness, sort of like a burden being lifted while I slept. Unfortunately, it never happenecd. As I said above, forgiveness is a process, a slow process, and it took time to work through the process. It will happen if you keep focused on forgiveness being part of the end result. <P>In the beginning too, one of things I tried to do was forgive the affair, as a whole. My personal opinion says you just can't do it .. as a whole. There are certain issues, many resenments, many bad memories which all need worked through, one by one by one, until there is nothing left to turn over. Every step means you take a look at that issue, talk with your wife about it and then try to forgive that one part of the affair. If you want to visualize it, look at forgiveness as a huge mountain you have to gobble up. You just can't take in the whole mountain. Instead, you take little bites, one at a time, until the mountain is gone. Slow process and sometimes painful, I know, but it's essential, I think, for true forgiveness. <P>Since you have many stressful changes coming around the bend for you and your wife, perhaps picking one night a week, making the committment to not talk about jobs, moving, affairs etc... and instead just enjoying each other's company for a little while, might help. <P>I wish you and yours the best. Take it one day at a time and one step at a time.<P>Take care,<BR>CoR <P>