how to keep the mm from coming over to see his child, when all he really wants is me, and i do not want to get prego again. scared that he will take me to court over the child, and has never payed cs yet. was proven the father. lied to me all along about leaving his wife. stupid of me to get involved. but i love my child with my whole heart, could never give my child up. wife emails almost daily and is loosing her mind. but i do not trust her, because of many things she's said, to have my child go over there. w stated she does not want child in their lives. i do not want to keep child from his father, it is his right to see his dad, but w wants no part of it. i'm sick of mm trying to sneak around to see his son. i want to put a stop to this, but how? this has turned out to be quite a mess. any decent advice out there for me.

What if you threaten to tell his wife he has been coming to see you guys if HE doesn't tell her first and then give him a time limit and stick to your guns?

i think mm already told his w and that is why she is emailing me and freaking out. i told her i can't help what he does and i do not want to be involved with him or their lives. it's a tough situation. she won't leave him, which is good for me. lol. poor guy, nobody really wants a cheater. i do not want to play head games with any one by using threats or manipulations of any kind. i do not want to get sucked down into the games they play with each other. i want no part of it. i'm trying to go on with my own life. i pray everyday for them, and i pray god leads me in the path of righteousness. God is my main man! i thank him for the forgiveness he's gave me.<BR>

nimble:<P>Why allow any contact between your child and his father? Is he following a court-ordered visitation? If he's not, I would suggest that you tell him no more visits---that his wife can come and bring the child over for visits at his house. If he doesn't play nice, file a restraining order against him.

nimble, another idea is to set up a visitation schedule re: baby, if that is what he claims to want and what you are willing to give; send the (schedule)info to BOTH H and W with times/locations (not your home, like a public park), then stick to it. You can try it on your own or use a mediator, arbitrator, or court. Unless you are abusive/neglectful/ondrugs, you are not likely to lose custody in this country! You can take legal action yourself, but understand that his visitation does not have to take place at your home nor supervised unless HE is proven abusive, and you cannot say who he shares baby with (ie wife). If MM is just playing games with you and you told him you can take him to court for x amount of $ (state guidelines), would he back off...?? Then he and W could have their messed up life back and you, yours. <P>I truly hope God guides you to a better future.

I have been searching for a good place to have his father visit him. But I know his W does not want this. So I guess it's up to them to figure it out together. I will tell him that to. He is court ordered to pay c.s. but has not yet. He's currently trying to get that lowered. But I really don't care about his money, and I never have. Father is stuck in a rock and a hard place and it is only right that he works on his marraige. He could maybe have a relationship with his son when he's older, if W allows. Till then he needs to work on his marraige and stay faithful and leave me out of it. I think he may come over here to [supposedly] see his son, but then he tells his wife just to get her jealous. I don't need those games. If and when I have the money, I will settle this in court.<BR>Thank you for all your replies and for listening to me vent. I really appreciate your advice.<P>

nimble,<BR>your attitude about their marriage is a good one. It is where the MM should be concentrating right now. K is right... if MM is there when he shouldn't be, it is harrassment. I love the things you wrote... so many wives on this board wish the XOW would have attitude like yours!<P>BTW, mediation and arbitration is suppose to be cheaper than court and arbitration holds the same weight--is legally enforceable.<P>Good luck,<BR>J<P>

I must admit nimble, when I finally found out she had the baby, I made up a nasty card and it was very nasty and sent it to OW because I was so mad, but also OW knew I was married and even though H was with her she knew I was married. But I was hurting bad, you know. My husband and I worked on relationship and I told him I didnt want him to have nothing to do with OC. But we worked on our marriage first and then after the storm, and God touched me and said it is okay, I told my H there are too many children without fathers and money is not enough, so we begin to see OC once she turned 18 months. <P>Right now his wife is very upset and THEY should get there act together when they are stable enough and then see child or maybe not see child. Right now it is all about games and not the child and that is not fair to the child. Maybe change your phone number and get a restraining order. Keep your energy though, focused on baby and your life. Keep to yourself for awhile and maybe it will stop being such a circus. You are one of the good OW, keep your head up!!!!