I have been reading all the posts lately, but have not felt able to give my opinion. I am in a wierd place right now. Not sad, not happy, not good, not bad, just numb. It has been over 9 months since D-day and the oc is 6 months old this month.<BR>Lately, I am not feeling loving thoughts toward H. I almost feel like we are roommates. We are in counseling, but our last appt. was cancelled by the dr. and we cannot go back until the week of the 13th. It will be over a month since our last session. <BR>I am having a hard time meeting his EN, but have been trying very hard not to LB. I need some sort of kick in the rear or redirection, anyone else have any suggestions?<P>Sidenote: From all I have read over the last few weeks, I want to say that I am sorry for all the hurt that was caused by our intruder...she said some very hurtful, awful things. I finished reading her last post and just want to say...I DONT NEED A GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION OF WHAT MY H DID WITH OW. I HAVE VISIONS AND NIGHTMARES ENOUGH ON MY OWN. KEEP THOSE TYPES OF COMMENTS TO YOURSELF. <P>Sorry others, didnt mean to rant, but those descriptions really hurt and bothered me.

I still have an occasional bad time of it too. Even though it is 51/2 yrs. for me, I feel your pain. It really never does go completely away. ember

Dear trying4sainthood<P>I do not have much advice to give you, other than I do understand the way you feel, for me has been almost 9 months since DD, I also feel all those emotions that you are describing, especially lately, since ow wrote me that letter, and it reminds me of h biggest mistake.<P>I think is perfectly normal, some people it takes more time to heal than others depending on their situation. In my case since h xow is a wild one, I think the only way I will feel better is if I move out of NY, but that is not possible due to financial reasons. <P>side note: I do have to agree with you, Bonniebb was way out of line with that comment. I also don't need a graphic description it's too painful.<P><BR>I apologize trying4sainthood for confusing your name with COR. Lately with all the stress in my life, I seem to be doing dumb mistakes.<P>take care mina<P>[This message has been edited by mina29 (edited August 06, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by mina29 (edited August 06, 2001).]

T4S,<BR>I have been really busy and am way behind on the posts. But i saw yours from a couple of days ago.<P>I just wanted to say I know how you feel and will be praying that those loving feelings take over again and catapolt you into a good place!<P>Z.<P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Dear tryin,<BR>Have you tried reading the book '5 Steps to Romantic Love'--it's excellent and probably could help you both discover new ways of thinking to get yourselves out of 'roommate mode.' If it helps you to know, I'm praying for you! Hang in there! Moods come and go and feelings change, but Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever and He can help us remain calm in the middle of life's storms.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by tryin4sainthood:<BR><B>I have been reading all the posts lately, but have not felt able to give my opinion. I am in a wierd place right now. Not sad, not happy, not good, not bad, just numb. It has been over 9 months since D-day and the oc is 6 months old this month.<BR>Lately, I am not feeling loving thoughts toward H. I almost feel like we are roommates. We are in counseling, but our last appt. was cancelled by the dr. and we cannot go back until the week of the 13th. It will be over a month since our last session. <BR>I am having a hard time meeting his EN, but have been trying very hard not to LB. I need some sort of kick in the rear or redirection, anyone else have any suggestions?<P>Sidenote: From all I have read over the last few weeks, I want to say that I am sorry for all the hurt that was caused by our intruder...she said some very hurtful, awful things. I finished reading her last post and just want to say...I DONT NEED A GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION OF WHAT MY H DID WITH OW. I HAVE VISIONS AND NIGHTMARES ENOUGH ON MY OWN. KEEP THOSE TYPES OF COMMENTS TO YOURSELF. <P>Sorry others, didnt mean to rant, but those descriptions really hurt and bothered me.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I can identify with your feelings. It will be 6 months tomorrow that I found out. It seems my moods are greatly affected by my H's moods. When he's happy & acting loving, then I feel hopeful and happy...etc. Just the other day I said to him what you just said, "sometimes I feel like your roommate." All of us going thru this have so much in common dont we? From what Im reading in this web site, these ups and downs are the norm. We dont yell, or throw pots & pans or anything, so Im encouraged to keep trying to see if things improve. We quit our counseling after @ 3 months, cause we kept dredging up things we had already talked about & resolved. I felt worse sometimes after a session. I have read "How to survive an affair" but my H hasnt, so I can do what I can, to make him feel comfortable & loved, but Im not getting the same in return, and it makes me wonder how long I can or should go on like this? His OC is due any day, the OW lives, and will deliver in another state, still the stress is incredible. Do you see, or hear about the OC? Does the OW deal with you when it comes to the OC? I wonder how all this will work out? His OW will only talk with him on his cell during the day when Im not around. He has told her to call the house, but she wont. I feel left out and I wonder if this will change, or will I always be the outsider to the OC? Will OC ever be incorporated into our family when we see her? So much to think about...so much to worry about! Also, I didnt read what you were referring to about the "intruder" but I found letters from OW describing things she & my H did together in bed & how she enjoyed it. Try to get that out of your head! Wow! H & I are intimate again, but I wont "do" certain things anymore, cause I just think of them together. I have actually cried during intimate moments, because of it. And I tell my H why. It gets very awkward for both of us. I want one of those little black pen thingies from the movie Men in Black so I can erase his memory of her and their time together, and what I know about them. I guess we're all in the same boat. Just remember it means something that youre still together. I gave my H plenty of opportunity to leave, told him to go to her if he wanted to, but he always said he didnt want to go. Not that he feels 100% committed to me either, but he said he wants to get back there, and I want to give him that opportunity. I keep telling myself "you only have to get thru today, if you want to break up, you can do it tomorrow." Tomorrow hasn't come yet & if things dont work out, Ill know I gave it every chance, thats important to me. From what I've been reading here it takes @ 2 years to feel really happy again. Best wishes.

Thanks to all who have replied thus far. To answer some questions...<BR>OC will be 6 months this week. We have visitation every other week and occasionally more to assist with her work schedule. For example, we have him this weekend because once every six weeks, OW has to work a weekend.<BR>H and I have been struggling with contact with OW. She writes him emails wanting to "talk" more to him. She calls H to tell him what OC did and how cute, blah, blah, blah. H tells me about all contact immediately. He never responds to any of her written correspondence either in writing or verbally, in fact, he doesnt even acknowledge that he has received them.<BR>However, he is a bit of a woosie when it comes to verbal communication. When she called last night to tell him how OC "talked" all the way home from our house and nursed for over an hour, H told me this morning. I was visibly angry and told him she needs to stop calling for this kind of crap. I said the only reason for a phone call would be if something is wrong. Damn her!<BR>I have tried being the one for contact, but I just dont have the strength to be consistent enough on that one. There are many times where I just dont want to talk to her, deal with her, think of her, etc.<BR>I can tell by the email and letter that my husband shared with me that H does not speak with her at any other times because that is what she writes about. I just wish she would go away. But I guess if we have contact, she never will. I dont want to stop contact with OC, but that comes with this price. I guess I need to express this to my H. He called me last night from work, before OW called, to tell me what a remarkable woman he thinks I am. Maybe its because I havent expressed my continued pain lately. <BR>I am also having PMS right now so things seem bleaker than usual. Thanks for all your prayers.

HeartofHope and Trying,<BR>ALL CONTACT BY PHONE NEEDS TO STOP! My goodness how do you deal w/that? I would be outraged to say the least.<P>Ow can call YOU or no one! It's like an affair all over again!<BR>H should let her know that he won't accept any calls from her and hang up if she tries. She's playing house w/H still through the calls and if H acts interested they won't stop. Tell your H's that is not acceptable.<P>For your own peace of mind. Those calls would be torture to me.<P>I'll pray for your peace of mind.<P>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....