Ow won't give up. I have filed 2 harrasment complaint against ow, last complaint I made was when she wrote me that letter. I don't know what to do anymore, I feel like I am living in a nightmare. This morning while I was cooking breakfast my son tells me mom someone is knocking on the door, it was a process server, asking for h, he has to hand deliver some papers to h. I did not open the door for him, and I told him h doesn't leave here, and not to bother me, he tells me since you are family I will leave the papers under your door. <BR>(You ladies know that I also claim child support in order to reduce ow amount, we have different addresses)<P>After the process server left I took the papers, ow and her lawyer has made a petition for h to be in court tomorrow, the papers are an ORDER TO SHOW CAUSE, they are making strong accusations against h. 1. They accusing h of having hidden assets, ow and her lawyer, finally got a court order against h to answer the 30 page interrogatories questionare to dig in to his assets dating from January 1, 1996. 2. They are accusing h of working off the books in order to evade his child support obligations. 3. Ow also accusing h of living with his wife and paying child support for his two other children in order to reduce her amount.<P>Now what I have to go to the precinct one more time, and explain that ow continue with the harrassment. I am so tired of this. I can't get an order of protection unless ow physically assault me. This whore won't live us along.<P>H started a new job, just last week,(ow doesn't know this yet) he spoke to his boss, that he needs to take off on Thursday August 9. He can't take off tomorrow also, he just started a new job. Last time the judge adjourned the case, because ow brought the child to court, and h wasn't working at the time. I called h at his job,I told him of what ow is trying to do,he told me he won't attend court tomorrow because the papers were not serve to him,but I am afraid if he doesn't show up, he will be arrested. H says he will attend court on August 9. <P>I feel I am living in a nightmare, I can't deal with this situation anymore. Please need advice.<P><BR>

Your OW is a real witch! I am so sorry you have to go through this. Do you and your H have a lawyer to represent you? I think it is time to get one if you dont. I know it can be a burden financially, but it sounds as though you need someone to handle all this for you. It will take a lot of the legwork off of you and everytime ow contacts, you just document and call the lawyer. Good luck!

[QUOTE]Originally posted by tryin4sainthood:<BR>[B]Your OW is a real witch! <P>I am a Newbie!<BR>I second that! She is on the same level our OW is. Psycho and crazy. You know mina, I know it seems hard right now but it is going to be okay, just hang in there and keep your head up. <P>I agree with tryin'you do need a good lawyer. I have learned to document everything-police reports, witnesses, it gets depressing and tiring but I got to the point where I made the decision to stay and stick it out with H and nothing was going to stand in our way of regaining some sort of normalcy in our household, in our marriage and I did the best I could along with H to fight! Because at this point she is getting the best of you, you are ready to just give up and that is exactly what she wants!<BR>Mina you have made up in your mind that your marriage can work, show her and she WILL back off! With strentgh from God, you will get through this.

Hey Mina,<P>My gosh! What a mess....what a witch!<P>Ditto to getting a lawyer...if you do not you must and why would she deliver the papers to you. Personally I think I would show up and court and tell the judge you were served with the papers and H does not live with you. Or put return to sender on it and stick it in the mailbox. Maybe you could call the judge in the morning adn explain that the papers were delivered to you instead of H and make up some crap ...tell him you are not speaking to H at this time and what would he like you to do with these papers. Yeah I think maybe I would do that. Delete the return to sender thing. But can they serve you one day and expect you to be there the next? <P>Good Luck Honey. Ill be praying for you.<P>Love and Prayers,<P>bw

Great advice bw! I would try that along with contacting a lawyer.

Thank you for your advice, trying4sainthood, unicornlove, and brokenwings. <P>H and I can't afford an attorney, I just recently started working again, and h started working last week, we do not have any money,to pay for a lawyer, we are just financially recovering,paying our back due bills. <P>I like your advice brokenwings, but I don't know how I will be able to get in contact with the Judge, in NY it is hard to reach someone in court by phone. I am not able to go in person, I just started a new job a month ago. <P>I do not know what to do anymore.<p>[This message has been edited by mina29 (edited August 06, 2001).]

I am sorry for all the pain thios is causing you. This type of OW will never stop untill you are either legally divorced and she feels you have a right to cs or you drop your cs case all together. unfortunately in most states no cs order is final and the ow can file for modification whenever she feels there is just cause. it is a bunch of crap.

Mina,<P>You might at least be able to get ahold of the clerk or however works right under the judge...make sure to get their name (first and last) and leave a message...tell them the situation and get advice. It should be a decent start.<P>Praying for ya,<P>bw

Father God,<BR>We come to you right now and pray for Mina's situation. Lord, we trust that You have listened to all that concerns Mina and we ask you to show yourself strong on her behalf. We ask for miracles right now! We need your help!<P>We ask that you would bless her in every area: spiritually, physically, mentally, socially, financially and domestically in all abundance. We pray that every fiery dart that the wicked one sends her way would be quenched. We ask for your armor of protection to be surrounding her family right now. We thank you that every scheme and every plot and every lie of the pit of hell would be exposed. We ask for your strength for Mina right now, Lord, and that your peace would cover Mina like a blanket.<P>We pray for the OW, for her salvation and that she would find peace in your son Jesus, and that you would fill her life so she can have rest. We ask that you would help Mina find a place of forgiveness in her heart because we know that YOU will take care of the situation and do what is best for all, in Jesus' Name, amen...

AMEN.<BR>That was beautiful BTDT.<P>Mina I fear the same from our ow. H and I decided to fight together. I too am here to stay. Bless you.<P>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Dear Mina,<BR>This must be short, because I have to go out the door in about 2 minutes.<P>1. take the packet to the police station and file another set out harrassment charges. I know that it seems like you're getting nowhere with it, but you have to keep in mind that it takes time to build a case against ow. You want to keep getting all of this on record.<P>2. next, take the packet to the courthouse where your h is scheduled to appear. Go to the prothonotorys (sp?) office and explain to them what happened, how you are separated from h, but papers were delivered to you and it is not your responsibility to serve them to h. The workers there should be able to take the papers from you and alert the judges office as to what has happened. This way, judge will be alerted that your h was never served with them.<P>Whatever you do - do NOT ignore it or slack off for one minute. Keep plugging away and ow will get nailed sooner or later.<BR>good luck, keep us posted.

Mina,<BR>CD had wonderful advice (like always)...do just what she said. You may feel like your banging your head up against the wall...but eventually the court is going to see a pattern. I am sorry you are haveing to deal with this duranged OW AGAIN..she seriously needs to get a life...her own. Some of these women are not happy unless they can ruin their MM marriage...like some sort of sick victory. I think it is worse for these scums that get themselves pregnant, and STILL cant get the husband to leave, can you imagine that ego blow?? so what do they have left? torture..thats it...they have no self worth, and they cant stand that you could be happy with the man they tried (but failed) to trap, and now they have to be a single parent (when they expected the H to come running for good...yea right..)..In your case your OW feels if she tortures YOU enough you will leave your H, and he will then come to her (pathetic..sloppy seconds)...SO my advice is to understand WHY she is doing this (she wants you to freak out and leave your marriage for good), and she thinks she can scare you H back to her... SO listen to CD, and smile and live a good life (or at least let her think that)..that will eat her up..she wont sleep nights knowing you are happy, AND YOUR FAMILY IS INTACT...most women have some sort of pride...BUT not yours...she wants your H, or she at least does not want you to have him.. and she does not care what she has to do<BR>DONT let her win Mina, stay strong with your H, and win this together. I really believe this is what she wants..jmo

Mina, what are you so upset or shocked by?<P>Mina said:You ladies know that I also claim child support in order to reduce ow amount, we have different addresses)"<P>3. Ow also accusing h of living with his wife and paying child support for his two other children in order to reduce her amount."<P>**So OW was speaking the truth.**<P>Mina said:This whore won't live us along.<P>trying4sainthood said:Your OW is a real witch! <P>whatif said:This type of OW will never stop untill you are either legally divorced and she feels you have a right to cs or you drop your cs case all together. unfortunately in most states no cs order is final and the ow can file for modification whenever she feels there is just cause. it is a bunch of crap.<P>**I believe that this is what BonnieB/Suzi and OW who started the whole agree/disagree thread tried to get everyone to see. **The OW has the same rights for finacial support for your H child as you do. Legally it is HIS child too, regardless of his participation or exsistence in the child's life.**<P>brokenwings said:explain that the papers were delivered to you instead of H and make up some crap ...tell him you are not speaking to H at this time and what would he like you to do with these papers. <P>Mina said:H and I can't afford an attorney, I just recently started working again, and h started working last week, we do not have any money,to pay for a lawyer, we are just financially recovering,paying our back due bills. <P>**Would you not be telling a lie, a LIE is what started this whole mess in the first place.**<P>CDCollins said:1. take the packet to the police station and file another set out harrassment charges. <P>**Harrassment charges against who for what, the packet was addressed to your H, not you.**<P>CDCollins said:Go to the prothonotorys (sp?) office and explain to them what happened, how you are separated from h<P>Mina said:I called h at his job,I told him of what ow is trying to do,he told me he won't attend court tomorrow because the papers were not serve to him<P>**But they were he was made aware of them, another LIE.** <P>**Why doesn't everyone stop lying? Fibbing the truth, whatever. This doesn't make you a better person. You are doing the same thing that H did when the A was going on. Why does it make it right for you and no one else???**<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Reaching for the Sun (edited August 07, 2001).]

Mina,<P>CD posted some great advice. Go to the police, file another complaint. True, they may not do anything for you now, but the case against her will build. <P>Also, as CD suggested, call the judge, explain what happened. Their clerks are available to answer questions, so get the name of the judge at the bottom of the papers you received and call him/her at the courthouse. <P>One more thing: if I remember correctly, this child is only one year old. She can only go back to assests one year, meaning whatever you listed on your last income tax forms. Tell your husband to bring this with him, and only the last year forms. She has absolutely NO RIGHT to go back to assests before the child was even born. <P>Take care,<BR>CoR<P>

BreakingSun,<P>Don't you think it's a shame that the current system doesn't automatically take children born into the marriage into account when calculating child support? Lying sucks, but I don't blame Mina for doing what it takes to protect her own children. The OW gets her cut based on Mina's husbands salary after Mina's kids are taken into account. It's only fair that Mina's children be taken care of too. <P>Mina, my heart breaks for you and your kids. I hope that everything works out for you. CD gave you great advice. I'd follow it.

Mina,<BR> So sorry to hear of this latest development. You have received some good advice about how to deal with this situation. I'm not certain what Reaching..Sun's story is, but please don't let her comments make you feel guilty. <BR> Unfortunately, currently the legal deck is stacked against the betrayed spouse and children in favor of the OW and OC. While I most certainly DO agree that we have a financial obligation to OC, my H and I had children already born when OW became pregnant.She knew it. SHE chose to keep and raise the child and collect from us for the next 20+ years. In legal circles this is callked "blood money." (Because OC is related by blood to my H, we pay the money!!!)<P> These vile "other women" do not care what happens to our children financially as long as they get their big cut of the financial pie. Furthermore, there is absolutely no legal protection and little consideration given to the betrayed family in our current system. So, honey, do whatever you have to do to protect your children's assets and their fair share.<BR> <BR> By the way Reaching for the Sun, spare us your self-righteous pontification about honesty. This is ONE mother who will do whatever I must to protect my children. They are innocent victims in this and should not have to be deprived because some self-centered whore decided to surprise her married lover with a baby in hopes of destroying his marriage. <P> <p>[This message has been edited by anniem (edited August 07, 2001).]

Mina-<BR>I'm so sorry for what you are going through.<BR>I too am from NY. My H was able to get order of protection based on OP calling my home (and it was only 2x) after D-day. She didn't contest it (strange)so we go it. H went to court, not the police to start the process and was given a temporary one until they appeared in court. <BR>In addition, if I have read the orders served to my H and the OP correctly, they must be served within 9-10 days of hearing. I would check this information.<BR>also, my H nd I cannot afford a lawyer either. However my H has been able to get some of his legal questions answered free over the telephone. I will try to get that information to you ASAP.<BR>H has also informed the IRS of the possibility that OP is not paying her nanny tax, since she claimed that she paid $150/week for childcare from her $250 weekly check. Go figure. Anyway she was able to get more CS. The IRS will investigate her taxes as well as the alleged nanny. If any discrepencies are found H will receive a "reward" for the information. The reward would be the only way of finding out if anything is found so he did not want to do it anonymously, which is an option.<BR>Good luck<P>

CoR posted: She has absolutely NO RIGHT to go back to assests before the child was even born. <P>I totally agree with that!<P>ALady posted: BreakingSun, <P>It's Reaching for the Sun, I have not disrepected you, please don't me.<P>ALady posted: Don't you think it's a shame that the current system doesn't automatically take children born into the marriage into account when calculating child support?<P>Yes I do, I am not blaming her for what she has done, but don't lie about doing it.<P>ALady posted:The OW gets her cut based on Mina's husbands salary after Mina's kids are taken into account.<P>So what is the problem? The courts ARE taking them into consideration. <P>anniem posted:This is ONE mother who will do whatever I must to protect my children. <P>I am glad, there are alot of mothers who think about themselfs before their children.<P>So before you lecture me about CS laws and such, I have choosen not to collect CS for my child, OM's child. To do so would only enable OM the privilage of knowing my child. I don't feel the minimal amount of $1157.00 a month would compare to what my child gives in return. So he can keep his money for the family, I know it's stressfull enough for him to know I could ruin his world finacially. I could care less about the money, I am able to take care of my responsiblity without the worry of him looming over my head. I acceptingly do so too.<BR>As mother WE ALL SHOULD DO WHAT IT TAKES TO PROTECT OUR CHILDREN, just as you don't care emotionally for OC, I am sure OW doesn't care about your children. It goes both ways.<BR>

Mina,<P>I had refrained from responding to your thread, but have been following it. I felt the need to respond to R4TS's reply about "honesty". The only thing that I DO agree with her post was that lying WAS what started your whole situation, but that is as far as it goes for my agreement. That can be said of everyone's situations on this board! As to her saying that you would be lying about the harassment, H not knowing about the papers, etc... Well, you wouldn't be lying if you said that your H never got the papers, due to you both being seperated! Where is the lie in that?<P>As to the OW's child being intitled to the same benefits as your children, that's a crock! If this were a case of a divorce/remarried that a child was produced, your children would receive the first share of CS, THEN the child from the remarriage would receive what's left, right? Then where is it fair for a child, as a result from an A should receive the first share? If your state pays CS for a seperation, and you have filed for legal seperation/CS, then where is the lie in that?<P>As for your "support" for Bonniebb/Suzi/OW of their type, you got it wrong. She was NOT whining about CS, she was saying that the BS on this board should leave their H's if they DID NOT have visitation w/OC. Her gripe was about the H's participation with the OC, and the BS views about it. She also didn't read about too much on this board as there are some very strong women here who HAVE encouraged their H's to seek out visitation, and one who is even in the process w/her H of seeking out partial if not full custody of the OC! She is doing it out of love for the C and for her H, and for the protection of the OC. We have all supported her on her journey down her rocky road, as we have supported others who don't have visitation w/OC. Bonniebb/Suzi(whoever she is) failed to note that, and came here to start trouble. As of now, no one is even concerned with her opinions, and they will all continue as they were before she showed up here.<P>You have been asked before who you were, as you had stated that you were not received here very well the last time, well, I don't think you are doing any better this time. I have read Mina's thread many times, and I don't understand where you think that it is stated that she and her H are living together. All she stated was that they are seperated so their children can have the CS THEY deserve FIRST, and that they have seperate addresses. Where does that say that they are living together?<P>It really bugs me to no end when people come here with their holier than thou attitudes, and tell others that what they are doing is wrong! The women on this board are doing what they have to to keep their children healthy and happy. Many have had to take drastic measures to make the screwed up system work for them, just as the OW have done themselves.<P>So, Mina, take the advice from the others and ignore those who wish to cause you more pain!! We all love you here, and will pray that God will have His hand in your life and provide for you and your children!<P>Love,<P>Tigger<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mina}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Reaching for the Sun:<BR><B>So what is the problem? The courts ARE taking them into consideration. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>The ONLY reason why the courts are taking Mina's children into consideration is because her and her husband have filed for a legal separation. If they were not legally separated, the court could after both her husband's income and Mina's income. <P>Being this other woman is trying to go after assets five years ago, I would venture to guess she likes the power, too of ruining a man's financial stability. The only problem is, when he goes down, so does Mina and so do their children, even if they remain legally separated. <P>About your own situation, it seems as if you're at a stale mate. You may hold a financial card over his head, but once you get that ball rolling, he holds his own card, for he can file for visitation. As a mother, I personaly view his card a bit more heavier than a financial one. Money comes and money goes, but those moments with our children are precious. So really, who holds the most power? Just some thoughts. <P>Take care,<BR>CoR <BR>