Reaching for the Sun,<P>I'm sorry. I'm taking WellButrin and a major side effect with me is that it is impacting my vision. I really thought your name was Breaking for the Sun (did think it was a unique name ) and I shortened it to Breaking Sun because I'm a lazy typist. I meant no disrespect. <P>>ALady posted: Don't you think it's a shame that the >current system doesn't automatically take children born >into the marriage into account when calculating child >support?<P>>Yes I do, I am not blaming her for what she has done, but don't lie about doing it.<P>But she has to lie about it or she risks more debt and the inability to financially support her own kids. This is a horrible situation created by the courts. It should be handled fairly by taking into account children in the marriage first. She's lying to get around a corrupt system..It's a shame she has to do it to protect her kids. <BR> <BR>>ALady posted:The OW gets her cut based on Mina's husbands >salary after Mina's kids are taken into account.<P>>So what is the problem? The courts ARE taking them into >consideration. <P>My point (which was poorly stated) was that the only reason her kids are being considered first is because she is misleading the courts. The only way for her kids to be treated fairly is to lie. <P>Sorry for the confusion. <P>

Mina, Sorry to hear your still having problems with ow. I stand behind you do what ever you have to I am. Its seems to be the only way we can get some control out of this out of control mess. with love flowerseed<P> REACHING FOR THE SUN are you Regretfully yours you sure do sound like her if so if you want what you got before keep it up.<BR>

Reaching for the sun asks, "Why doesn't everybody stop lying?"<P>Who is lying? Mina's husband was not served with those papers. Mina was. It is not her obligation to serve her husband court papers.<P>And as for harrassment, the ow was informed that any form of future contact was not welcome. Ow continues to contact, via mail and via delivery person, therefore it is harrassment. THAT is what harrassment IS. Ow has no right to continue to contact Mina in any way, shape, or form. And I hope that Mina sticks tight with her determination to inform the police of it.<P>You should know, Reaching aka Regretfully, that Mina and her husband are indeed separated. So maybe it is more a separation of convenience. That doesn't make it any less legal. And so what if her h is at her home 99% of the time? So what if he is at her home 100% of the time? That doesn't mean he doesn't reside at a different address. What business is it of anybody's if Mina and her h choose to spend a LOT of time together. Like my lawyer said, "If you want to sleep with the entire town while you and Mr. Cd are separated, there's nothing the courts can do about it. And if you want to sleep with Mr. Cd the whole time you are separated, there's nothing the courts can do about that either." So what if mina and her h spend every single night together? Doesn't mean they're not legally separated. So what if the reason for the separation had more to do with money than marital problems? Doesn't make it any less of a separation. So what if mina and h are madly in love. That doesn't make the separation invalid.<P>I should know. H and I continue to be the most madly in love separated couple on the face of the earth.<P>But hey, speaking of deception, how close to lying is it if a former member changes usernames several times and tries to cover up who they are? Didn't Steve Harley specifically state that kind of behavior was against MB rules?<P>Hey mina, write me when you get a chance. I'll try to help out any way I can. Keep your chin up and ignore the ignorant.<BR>with love,<BR>cd

[QUOTE]Originally posted by anniem:<BR>[B]Mina,<BR> <BR> Unfortunately, currently the legal deck is stacked against the betrayed spouse and children in favor of the OW and OC. While I most certainly DO agree that we have a financial obligation to OC, my H and I had children already born when OW became pregnant.She knew it. SHE chose to keep and raise the child and collect from us for the next 20+ years. <BR> what if the married couple has no children when the oc was born? I mean my hubby and I knew about the oc when i decided i wanted another one I knew about oc, i knew hubbies financial obligation and i had child anyways. I knew support to ow wasn't going to be lowered.

Note on affording a lawyer: <P>Check out your local legal aid/low-income legal services office - the county or state bar association shoould be able to refer you there if you can't find the contact info in your phonebook. They often deal with child custody issues.<P>- WLE

whatif,<BR> I'm not certain I understand your point, so I'll try to clarify my point. Your situation (and also Reaching..Sun's) are not what most of us on this Forum are dealing with. As you have said, you were aware of the existence of OC and chose to become pregnant knowing that your H's child support would not be reduced. That is a MUCH different situation than learning that your husband and father of your children has fathered a child in an extramarital affair and is now obligated to direct a portion of the family's financial resources to the OW for the next 18-20 years. Most of us posting here HAD no choice, nor did the children of our marriages. There is a big difference.<BR> By the way Reaching..Sun, simply because you have not demanded that the MM pay child support does NOT mean that he has no legal right to participate in his child's life. If he wishes to, he has every legal right to visit with his child and participate in her life and you may NOT prevent him from doing do since he is the biological father. How do you intend to explain to your daughter as she grows up why she does not see her biological father? Do you intend to lead her to believe that your H is her bio father? If so, what about honesty?<BR> Just some thoughts.<p>[This message has been edited by anniem (edited August 08, 2001).]

Sorry ladies that I didn't post sooner yesterday was a very hectic day for me. I do appreciate all the support that I have been given in this time of need.<P>I went to the precinct yesterday and follow harassment charges against ow for the third time. I explain to the police how the ow doesn't give up, now she send a process server to my house to serve h with court papers when h and I are separated and we are not speaking to each other, and besides is not my responsibility. I was not able to go to court in person, but I was able to reach a clerk by phone, after almost 1 hour of being on hold, but I was patient. I explain to the clerk how the papers were deliver to me instead of h, I also told him that we are separated and not speaking to each other, and it was not my responsibility to give him this papers. The clerk told me he will advise the Judge regarding this matter. I am sure ow and her attorney must have fabricated a story yesterday in court, since H didn't attend. H will attend court tomorrow as it was previously anticipated. <P><BR>My Cross, Of course you are right Ow is doing this because she thought that by getting pregnant from H, he will stay with her. She has made our lives impossible since November 2000 DD. After DD, H show me a picture of oc when he was just a newborn, ow wrote in the back of the picture in capital letters, Unfortunately Commitment. I don't understand how this ow, think that by getting pregnant our h will leave their family for them. They must learn how to deal with being a single parent.<BR>I am trying to be strong and positive about this situation, it's getting hard. <P>CD thank your for your support and wonderful advice as always. I email you, I think I sent you the same email twice by accident with my username, and my real name.<P>COR, Oc just turn 1 year old last month. She has no right look at h financial status dating back since January 1, 1996. H didn't even know this whore back then. I think ow and her lawyer convince the Judge that h must have hidden assets with their false accusations, h has not work off the book since he's been unemployed,he just started a new job last week, h doesn't have any hidden assets. Ow is doing this because she's a vindictive, manipulative, opportunistic whore. <P>Bintherdunthat, Thank you for your support and prayers, that was beautiful.<P>wing like eagles,thank your for your support. I have check the legal aid society, but in NY they only offer help when the father wants to establish paternity, and custody or visitations. H doesn't have contact with oc. H already pays childsupport. H has already been to court 3 times for this matter, since she couldn't have h, my guess she will try to get h money, which is one of the reason I filed for support for my children.<P>Tormented, thankyou for your support any information will help.<P>Thanyou for your support, trying4sainthood, brokenwings, unicorlove,whatif, gemini, alady, anniem,tigger4jdt, flowerseed, and all the ladies in this forum.<P>Need prayers that everything goes well in court tomorrow.<P><BR>[This message has been edited by mina29 (edited August 08, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by mina29 (edited August 08, 2001).]

Reaching For The Sun<P>Get A Life, what is this a parade of xow intruding in this forum.<P>Let me tell you something I will protect my children at all cost. It is the only way the courts will take my children in to consideration. My children will not suffer because of oc and his opportunistic mother. My children come first.

Mina<P>Nassau County Family Court of NY is an immoral, evil and corrupt bastion of of arbitrary decisions. Their hearing officers are not judges nor are they held to a specific set of standards. The federal and state courts want nothing to do with family court, so family court hearing officers are left to wield their power based on their whims or their mood.<P>They are not obliged to consider tax returns and are free to dismiss medical records, at their whim.<P>I know. My situation is a direct result of the most rotten and corrupt system on the planet. Nothing we presented or delivered in sworn testimony was believed or considered causing our lives to be completely destroyed.<P>Sometimes, when the system fails due to the corrupt nature of its officials and blatantly breaking the law, one must take off the gloves and come out fighting for themselves in an attempt to protect yourself, your children, your husband and family. There are no rules anymore. They broke the rules, so all bets are off. If you are forced to lie, cheat or steal to protect what you hold dear in an evil and corrupt family court and society who are annihilating your life, you just do what you must do. Don't apologize, never explain. If you have to lie, lie. <P>Catnip =^^= <P>PS don't let the idiocy of a few mewling about "but you're lying" effect you...they are not experiencing the 'combat' you are enduring and couldn't begin to understand the profound fear, disgrace, heartbreak and desperation that has been forced upon you, an innocent. Tell them to blow it out their... <p>[This message has been edited by catnip (edited August 08, 2001).]

Mina,<BR>I am so proud of you. You have come such a long way. And I have only been here for a few months. I know this is horrible for you, and you are handling it with the grace an dignity of a queen. YES this stresses you out, and your OW is a major SICKO. But you keep plugging away...keep going to the police, keep filing the charges. I loved the way you handled Reaching for the SUN...LMAO...she means reaching for someone elses pocket book. I can not understand what has happened to the pride and dignity of women today. It appears alot of women HAVE NONE. But you stay strong, and keep moving forward, hold your head up you are his wife, and the mother of his children...she was a troll, and got herself pg to trap a man ( that is lowest form of a woman)...and that is if the man is married or not. Talk about no self worth. Yes the OC exsists, yes your H is financially responsible...BUT SO WHAT, you guys will get through this...and THAT MINA is the ultimate revenge...she could not even get him by getting PG...pathetic. You have my prayers tomorrow, and you have my respect...your a great lady

Thankyou Catnip, and my cross for your support and prayers. <P>I will keep you posted, and let you know what happens in court tomorrow. <p>[This message has been edited by mina29 (edited August 08, 2001).]

"Reaching for the Sun" sounds like she's "reaching for child support from a married man".

Say what you will, I am not offened. I am not reaching into anyone's pocket book, I have no desire too. What happened between Om and I was wrong, I admit this. Yes, a child was concieved, but she is my responsiblity. My H has choosen to remain her father, it is done. OM does not have a legal right to our child, I have ensured that through a lawyer if he tries. Our child will know of her biology when she is old enough to understand, if she chooses to start or investigate a relationship with OM at an appropriate age then I will not stop her. OM has never shown interest in knowing her so I don't expect a change of heart from that side. My H and I are working on what went wrong in our M, communication, patience and understanding of others feelings are important in ensureing a healthy relationship for ourselfs and our children.<P>Mina- I was not disrepecting you, I was just simply stating what some of the OW who has/have been coming here were saying. I will not use the words you ladies write, I don't feel that is needed. Even if the OW accomplished their "goals". In my case, their certainly was not a goal of getting OM through a P, my God who would want to do that to a child. In my case it happened, not expected let alone wanted, but it did and I am going to raise my child with a understanding of people make choices that affect other people lives, my child was NOT a mistake and will NEVER be viewed as one. I didn't intend to get P, but I will take care of my responsility b/c I love her, she is MY child. I was just asking why not tell the judge that yes, you are claiming CS for your children by your H, they would get alot less if you didn't. Tell him to do the math, he has the figures. No I don't think it is right the children of the M are not considered, but OC should be supported too. I have NO PROBLEMS with a reform of CS going into a trust fund for the child, or having a finacial advisor say where and how the money is spent. IF I were to go after OM for support, I would have a trust fund set up for her, it IS HER MONEY. I would not use it to cover her a$$ in diapers, his money is not good enough for that, but I would make sure that she had the money for school or her life's plan. I think she would desreve that much.