My story (the condensed version): <BR>2 months ago, my husband of 6 years abondoned me and my baby (I was currently 6 months pregnant) for my next door neighbor. He has only contacted me twice since then. I still see him most of the time going in and out of his "girlfriends" house. I have gone through the grief or losing him which I have decided is the best thing that could have happened to me. He acted like a child and I do not want to be his mommy any longer. Not to mention, that he told more lies to me than I can ever imagine, both before and during the affair. I have just recently gotten over most of the anger towards him and her. I filed for divorce about a month ago. I was reluctant to do so, but he told me that he does not love me like he should since he is in love with her. I am in therapy and things are looking up. My baby girl is due on October 15, 2001. I am happy to have something good to look forward to. My husband has been cold and heartless towards me and the baby. He does not show any interest at all in his child. I will allow supervised visitation, but that's it. He is living with her and does not have a place of his own. The OW is on Welfare and is just using him to get money and possessions. Everyone can see it, except him. <P>My dilema: <BR>Mu husbands girlfriends friend came to my house recently to tell me to take my husband away from the OW. I told her that I did not want him back and even if I did I would not be able to since he is in love with her and doesn't love me. She said that he told her that he DID love me and that he hadn't tried to come home because he thought I didn't want him anymore. I also found out that my 2BX and his girlfriend have been fighting and she has thrown him out a few times. I guess she is getting sick of him too. Since we have a baby on the way, I am .01% tempted to take him back, but he needs to tell me himself. I am not sure how long, if ever, it would take for him to come to his senses. I know that the longer it takes, the less I will even consider taking him back. <P>Advice?: <BR>Has anyone else been in this position where the spouse decided to not work it out but then became indecisive? I have heard tons of stories where the cheater realized almost immediately that they wanted to repair their marriage. I don't want to throw in the towel for good if there is a chance that we can repair our marriage. We did try counseling once, but he did not want to return. <P>JD <P>[This message has been edited by JDPDBLUE (edited August 10, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by JDPDBLUE (edited August 10, 2001).]

JD,<P>The scenario in which the cheater is caught and immediately wants to work it out is relatively uncommon around here (<20%). So your situation isn't uncommon at all.<P>One thing that would help you is to read Harley's <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>Surviving an Affair</A>. It'll give you an excellent grounding on how and why affairs happen, and what to do about them. In general, most affairs end within a two year period---so the fact that your husband is unhappy after a month or so isn't unexpected. Affairs are fantasy-based relationships; when the relationship becomes exposed and real world pressures are on the couple, they're usually very fragile.<P>There is a chance that your marriage can be saved. The phone counseling available through MarriageBuilder's is terrific (888-639-1639 for appointments): Steve and Jenn Harley are Dr. Harley's adult children, and they do the counseling. I've counseled extensively with Steve, and my wife has done some counseling with both Steve and Jenn. Steve was a primary factor in salvaging my marriage---they're terrific, effective counselors who will help you put a plan together to make this marriage terrific.<P>You may also get more advice by posting this thread over at <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=General+Questions+II&number=37&DaysPrune=20&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>General Questions II</A>. This specific section of the forum is focused on dealing with pregnancy and children that have resulted from affairs---although there are plenty of helpful folks here, you'll get more people looking at your post on GQII.

K is right right right again! Blue I'm sorry for your pain. Welcome to Marriage Builders!