each of us know that there is a very good chance that we will have to have that dreaded first face to face contact with oc,rather it be from that dreaded knock at the front door or a tv talk show, it will probablly hapen, and let me fill you in on how painful it is with an older child, we did'nt know about oc till he was almost 13, and after several phone calls from him wanting to meet his father, i agreed, bad choice, by this age the child has been so brainwashed about how bad a person you are, its all your fault he never had a father, and so on and so on, and of course hes goingbto believe his mother, and thats why i now feel if you start contact with a child early on, he will judge for himself what type of a person you really are, and he will learn who was the true victims, i don't know right now whats going to happen with my marriage, this child coming into our live at this age has added a lot of new problems, i have said i won't accept the child in our lives, my husband feels since child knows him he can't just walk away any more, we'll see. i do know for once that i refuse to be his or anyone eles victim any more, and i can live with or without him if necessary, my daughter and my daughter come first this day on. ggood luck to each of you and thanks for listening

befar, I am sorry for your pain. It never really does go away. Too bad you, and your H, opened up pandorora's box. It has been 5 1/2 years of no contact for H and I. After your horrible experience, I know I will never open that "box", even if it presents itself. It must be like being betrayed all over again, by the same person who hurt you before, your H.<P>My H's OC's are now in their teens. I do not wish involvement of any kind. If their were to be involvement, I would feel very bitter over money spent on OC's, since my C's did without so many things. OC's have been getting CS since birth. <P>ember

befar your situation sounds so painful. I'm sorry.<P>Prayers,<BR>J