And now I read the reason you've been away.<P>My heart goes out to my pillar of strength during some of my darkest days.<P>We have a friend whose wife is an addict. In and out of rehab w/o a lot of success. They have 3 children ages 9, 8, and 4. She doesn't look like a drug abuser.....works and cooks and keeps house, but she is. He's wanted to leave her over and over again because she promises not to do it any more and the next thing you know the bills aren't being paid because her $ is going for drugs.<P>Why do I tell you this?<P>Because they are still together. Hard work but they're doing it. They look to us as their prime example of love and marriage. Funny isn't it? <P>Every one has hard times. You have been through so much and I know you just want to give up. Don't. Give him space and try to go to some al-anon meetings. Try to show him love. I know he's behaving badly now but it's the alcohol talking.<P>I feel you've taken care of things for so long that he may resent you because he doesn't have what it takes to pull through things with the fortitude you do. So he drinks to drown things out but it just makes them worse!<P>I will pray for you. Catnip God will show you the way. Just give him your troubles and TRUST that HE'LL take care of them.<P>I will pray.<P>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Dear Catnip,<P>I sent you a long reply under my post about BS's always being charge of mending the marriage. Please read it.<P><BR>Gem -- it is so ironic that we should both refer to Catnip as our pillar of strength. Her words have snapped me out of depression, made me laugh, made me angry, and made me cry -- sometimes in the same post! But, she has always made me look at my situation honestly, fairly and deal with it.<P>love,<BR>heavenly

Heavenly I just read your reply to Catnip. In a nutshell we both said the same things! But your way with words is so amazing! <P>Hey I have a friend who wants you to have her e-mail address. Did you ever see that in past e-mails I've sent you? She could use your help a lot.<P>E-mail me and I'll send it to you.<P>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

<BR>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<BR>Catnip, I really can not find the words to properly express what I want to say to you. All I can think to tell you is you will be in my thoughts and prayers in the days and weeks to come. I truely am sorry for the pain you are feeling and hope that the time you will spend alone in the weeks to come will be of help in healing. Your past words to me have always be a great deal of help, your insight and thougths have given me much comfort and guidence. When I first found MB back in Feb. of this year your were very active on the forum, and I always looked forward to and enjoyed reading what you have to say. My heart is broken and sad for you this afternoon and I will pray for your happiness daily. Peace to you, Gabi1116

catnip,<P>Just wanted to join everyone in keeping you in my prayers and wishes. You were one of the few that was here when I came last year at the beginning of the forum. I have always thought of you as a friend. Please take the time to think of yourself and see where you want to go in life. We too deserve to be happy. Please keep in touch. <P>babstr.

Oh Catnip,<BR>What can I say but that I am so sorry for what you are going through? I wish I could do something, anything to help. Please keep posting. We all love you here.<BR>-cd

Dear Gem...<P>I was OK til I read your post and I felt a tear trickle and watched it splash on my keyboard. <P>You're right. It's the alcohol. And you're right about Al-Anon...I should be going and I haven't darkened the door of an Al-Anon meeting for months...certainly not since I have been up here. I make a commitment here and now to do this sometime this week. Somewhere between packing and dodging bullets. Haha<P>But, Gem, I have to leave. The insanity is shaking my foundation and I need to do this simply to save myself. It truly is at the point it's either him or me. If he gets well in a few months, my door will be open, but for now, I have to take care of my situation because otherwise it will just get worse and so will he. It is time for me to leave him to his own devices and figure out how to rescue himself without me there picking up the pieces and making it look so easy...like Heavenly said.<P>I just want you to know how special you are and how much I appreciate your care and concern...I will keep in touch. Thanks, Gem.<P>Love,<P>Catnip =^^=<P><BR>Heavenly...hahaha...I remember making you angry! It's what I do best. You are a wonderful sparring partner and a good heated debate with you is therpeutic and stimulating, even if I don't win. After you deliver, we'll have to pick something really meaty and controversial to go at...just for fun and to keep our skills honed.<P>Oh, by the way...you've been a pillar to me, too. Thanks, Heavenly, for always being there and soothing the savage.<P>Love<P>Catnip =^^=<P><BR>Gabi...You are so sweet, Gabi and you are in so much pain, too. You know how difficult the ups and downs are better than anyone yet you stay focused and keep fighting too. Please do not be discouraged by what is happening to me because I am the one making the choices and my situation is pretty extraordinary given the outrageous behavior of the bipolar bear living in my house that drinks vast amounts of liquor that completely changes his personality. My husband's behavior is unique and not to be compared with any of your husbands, unless they suffer from the same diseases too. I would have had better success if he would have been just a normal guy that fell from grace.<P>Gabi, you're working through the steps of recovery and posting regularly on the forum and getting better every day. Just having the forum at my disposal gave me the strength I needed to save myself and work on my marriage as long as I did...nearly three years. I haven't given up...just saving myself from total ruin...and giving D a chance to find his way on his own without my constant interference (haha-that's what HE calls it)<P>I am maintaining a sense of humor laced with my usual ascerbic take on it all, based in rage and indignation at times (cuz I am so damned disappointed and exhausted) but I know I will be OK and since you have offered your prayers...I accept. And you, Dear Gabi, will be in mine. Thanks, Honey, for your kindness.<P>Love<P>Catnip =^^= <P><BR>Babstr!<P>Look what the cat dragged out of hiding!<P>I live relatively near a town called Baxter, and every time I drive through that town it reminds me of that Meow Mix commercial...you know, meow, meow, meow...Baxter! And it also reminds me of you...Babstr! Because when I refer to you I call you Babstir, which sounds like Baxter. Oh for God's sake, listen to me...<P>It's been ages, Babstr...where have you been lurking? How is it going for you? Ive wondered about you a lot and how you are doing and it is so good to ehar from you. this out-pouring of love and support has me a little embarrassed but I am so grateful for the care and concern. It is a beautiful thing. Gem started me crying, now I'm sobbing. Sometimes I can't tell if the tears are pain or joy...it all seems to meld sometimes.<P>Are you still in touch with Happy Girl? <P>It's so good to hear from you...thanks, Babstr, for coming out of hiding to express your support and care. It's comforting to know you lurk.<P>Love<P>Catnip =^^=<P><BR>Dear cd....<P>What a week for both of us, huh? Sometimes when you think everything is starting to find its own place on the planet, something comes and snatches it away and replaces it with all kinds of problematic annoyances. And that is all it is...annoyances. Really. It doesn't seem like it right now, but what you are experiencing and what I am experiencing is something we just have to get through. It's one of those deals that in six months, everything that is so monumental today won't look so rotten.<P>I'll never know or begin to understand why God allows what He does...some people say "Oh, it's to make you stronger!" Besides my wanting to shove a sock down their throat, my take on it is "I am already as strong as Zeus...c'mon...how much stronger am I supposed to be????" Give me a break. <P>One month from today, let's agree to get in touch with each other somehow and gauge how this week looks in perspective to a month from now and we will see how we have fared.<P>You're in my prayers, cd...and so is your husband, sons and your Darling. That poor kid needs to be taken away from that bunch of course, crass manipulators so she can have a chance at a decent life with you. I'll pray for God's will for Darling and for you.<P>Love<P>Catnip =^^=

catnip,<BR>I see we're posting at the same time! how exciting! I just want to tell you I admire you, your zest for life and for telling it like it is, and I know you're going to be okay no matter what... I don't know why it's been so rough a life for you. (I have so many questions for the Lord!!) But I know you're going to be okay, C.<P>Keep scratchin'! <BR>J

Jenny...my oldest and dearest...<P>I'm so glad you're posting your wisdom on such a regular basis...it's what got me through those first awful early months.<P>Thanks...Jenny<P>Love<P>Catnip =^^=

Dear Catnip,<BR>I understand you completely. You are right.(as usual) Your H will either make it or crumble. You have a right to a little peace and quiet now. I was at that place(him or me)just this past April. I couldn't live w/the pain any longer so I decided on a divorce for ME. I felt my H was more concerned for the baby than us and our marriage. Like your H is showing his love of alcohol instead of helping YOU.<P>Do not shove a sock down my throat but I prayed each day for God to show me the way. He did in HIS own time. My H has been a wonderful man to me since then and our love is deeper and more mature than it's ever been. I am happy now for each day we share. It's a gift to be released from the daily drag down agony I once felt.<P>Now it's your turn, Catnip.<P>I wish you well and look forward to your monthly visits.(that sounded strange didn't it? )<P>Godspeed dear lady.<P>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Dear Catnip, <P>I am not reading here as much as I used to and it took me forever to figure out what was going on with you. I am so very sorry for what you are going through. I wish that your husband had realized how much he had in you. I hope you feel no guilt over this. You did a *great* Plan A and we are all proud of you. You were fighting against two terrible diseases and almost everyone else in the world would have pulled the plug long before you did.<P>I wish you all the best in rebuilding a life for yourself. Please stay in touch and let us know how you are doing. As always, we will hold you in prayer. Mind if we pray for Mr. Catnip as well?<P>I wish you shalom. "Shalom" not only means "peace" but it also conveys as sense of wholness, of being complete and at peace with God. That, in reality, is all we can really wish for each other.<P>MJ

{{{{{catnip}}}}}<P>From a purely Harley perspective, I'd consider Plan B'ing his [censored] until that USDA sticker lands on his butt. He needs to be clean and sober to have this marriage work.<P>I'm sorry for your pain. You've done a tremendous job working on this marriage. God bless.

Sweet Catnip,<P>Please read my post to you under Heavenly's post where you originally posted regading your Plan B plans.<P>In reading this now I see you are familiar with Al-anon. I'm glad. That means you already are versed on this disease and how your behaviour can sometimes throw the alcoholic deeper into their darkness.<P>You have given that man many many good years of Plan A and his disease won't allow him to appreciate it. It's not his fault. And I know you know this. You know it is the alcohol and it in no way relfects his love for you. <P>But he HAS to love himself first. Once he does that he will love himself and make the choice to be sober and control his disease. Then and only then will he be able to shower you with all the love you deserve.<P>I pray that day comes for you. But meanwhile... love yourself. Find that comfort spot where you can be free of the craziness brought by alcoholism. Oh how I pray for your peace of mind. I wish I could jump through this computer and squeeze you sooooooo tight. Please feel my hugs in these words. <P>Planting kisses all over your face and wrapping my arms around your heart,<BR>Z.<P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.<p>[This message has been edited by zebrababy (edited August 13, 2001).]

Dear Catnip,<P>My heart goes out to you and my prayers too. So sorry you H is having such problems with his alcoholism, and pushing away the person he needs most. I think you are doing the right thing. Everyone has given you advice and I don't have any to add that would be any different. You must do what you feel is best for you. Always look out for you!! Babstr told me what you were going through. So I had to come post to you, remind you that there is yet another person that you have touched here in cyberspace, you are loved!! Been so busy and haven't been here in awhile. Stay strong, God is with you.<P>Love,<P>happy_girl<P>P.S. Hi everyone!!! I haven't forgotten you!

I agree with everyone that we have really really really really really missed you. OH, and did I say we have missed you?! We have! Personally, I look for catnip time I log on to see if she will ever agree with anything I have posted. I don't know... I guess it means a lot to me--your opinions. Ever since you made me feel welcome to be posting here (on your forum), in spite of my background... Since that day, I have never stopped mentioning you in my prayers. I specifically pray for "catnip." I even pray for catnip while I'm driving around in my car. I have literally begged God to let you feel or sense my prayers in some tangible way. I was never planning to tell you that, but it seems like now is a good time.<P>I just want to encourage you in your rough times never to blame God for what the devil is behind. Some people are satan's puppets and don't even know it--here I go preaching again, but the bible says that some folks are "taken captive by the devil at HIS will..." So you see, the enemy uses whatever circumstances and whomever he can find to do his bidding.<P>The enemy is trying to rob you & David of your blessings and ability to enjoy all the effort you have put into your marriage. He is trying to get you to give up completely. But don't give up. You know exactly what to do to preserve your own mental health, so go for it, I support you in your Plan B, but believe me, it's not over until you get your God-given victory in full manifestation. I'm ever praying for that for you & I won't stop!!

Dear Catnip, <P>I am sorry for what you are going through. You are a very strong woman. You have been very supportive. I know you are a fighter, but at this moment you have to choose what is best for you. We are here to support you. Keep us post<P>Love and prayers, <BR>mina<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by mina29 (edited August 15, 2001).]

Your support and love overwhelms me...I am at a loss...<P>K...thanks for validating my perceptions. Sometimes I can't tell if I am on track.<P>Happy Girl...I've missed you too...I am glad you and Babstr keep close<P>ZZZZZ...your words are so beautiful and comforting. Thank you <P>BTDT...I was astounded that you pray for me so much..thank you, thank you for your prayers. You don't know what that means to me. I pray for you, too.<P>Mina...thank you for your kindness and words of support. I pray things go better for you too.<P>Mrs. Job...Shalom. Thank you for your words of comfort. I am praying your adoption options opne up for you and that you will soon have your boys back.<P>Gem...dear Gem. Your thread has brought me a lot of comfort reading all these wonderful things from all the people here in my family on this forum. I feel such a closeness to all of you and am so grateful for everyone reaching out to me during this difficult time. You, Gem, have a lot of spirituality, wisdom and compassion in your heart. <P>Catnip =^^=