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#803210 08/17/01 05:38 AM
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gemini1 Offline OP
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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>gemini1<BR>Member posted August 16, 2001 01:07 PM <BR>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<P>quote:<BR>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<BR>I'm tired of planning my week around counselor visits and OC visitations. In spite of the fact that I have come to love OC and enjoy her, that contact means I still most see OW on a weekly basis, and seeing her always opens the wound and never lets it heal.<BR>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<P>Dear Anniem I have thought about you and wondered where you were.<P>My NEW story is this:<P>ow's 13 yr. old daughter began to instant message me this week. I have no idea how she found me except I was e-mailing our priest a lot and wonder if he e-mailed anything to ow to read what I wrote? It's frightening. We are still trying to start a lawsuit on personal injury to our parish AND the priest. I found out from my H priest counseled ow and my H this past winter....TOGETHER!!!! to allow her to understand he was staying married but would be a good father! <P>I am horrified again to say the least.<P>What priest would do that? I feel betrayed all over again! He should have been worried about my marriage never ow and her baby!!!!!<P>Needless to say I told H I no longer want visits. If he seeks them I'm outta here! I'm tired of being nice and "God-like" only to have ow continue phone calls telling h how "good he looks" and now this thing with her D !!! She said horrible things to me and printed h's business and our address and LAST NAME to me!<P>I'm already on prozac and refuse to increase it to accomidate all the latest junk going on.<P>I want you to know H said today he will only pay cs. when asked and he'd rather not see me continuously hurt by this.<P>No visits is my way of telling her with my H.....nothing she did or can do will seperate us. We want her to back off. Raise baby alone now because I have HAD IT!!!!! She had her chance many times w/me and blew it. Apparently all she's interested in is a relationship with my H who now hates her and all she's done to me. H hates himself also and is clinging to me for dear life.<P>I love him.<P>I will not be part of this triangle any longer. I need a break.<P>God has granted this as a while back I sensed H would leave me over baby.<P>He touched the bottom of my feet and the top of my head and said "This is my life, it's what I now live for,you"<P>That's how I'm holding on for now. Believe me if she keeps pulling crap I'll have to leave for me. H says we'll move if it's what it takes.<P>I just wanted you to know I wonder the same things as all of you. The scar is there but the pain is far less than it was.<P>I think it depends on how spouse treats us and our feelings has a lot to do with everything.<P>love and prayers<BR>Debi <P><BR>------------------<BR>Imagine....<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>For those of you who missed this. I also can't bear going to get baby from ow's house at this time or any time in the future. Her actions AFTER the baby have been horrible and to further deal w/her would be too agonizing for me.<P>For now all visits are off and she'll have to deal w/baby ALONE.<P>

#803211 08/17/01 07:03 AM
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Hi Gem,<BR>I am dumbfounded that your priest counseled ow and your h together. Honestly, it knocked my socks off.<P>What does the priest say about it? Is he at all apologetic? does he realize how immoral it was to do condone any aspect of their relationship?<P>On a side note, I know that the 13 year old daughter is being extremely hurtful to you, but try not to let it get to you. she is a victim in this as well, and I'm sure she is striking out at you because she can't strike out at her mother. be strong and don't let it bother you too much.<P>with love,<BR>cd

#803212 08/17/01 08:50 AM
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Dear, dear Gem,<P>I am so sorry. What huge pain this double betrayl must bring. I know how important your parish is to you and how this must hurt. I am shocked that your priest would counsel the two of them together as if they were some sort of legitimate couple. Maybe he should have seen each of them separately to get them back on the right path, but not together. It stings every time someone acknowledges our spouse and the OP as legitimate.<P>As for me, my minister will not even see my husband alone. My H is Catholic and I am Protestant. We switch off churches, but mostly I always attend mine and he sometimes comes along with me. On Dday, I met with my minister and we began pastoral counseling. Now he says that if my H wants to see him, he will only do so if the two of us are together. He says that WSs, especially men, aren't always truthful even in pastoral counseling and that my church needs to be my place of refuge.<P>I am so sorry that you lost that place where you could feel safe.<P>I wish you shalom,<BR>MJ

#803213 08/17/01 09:45 AM
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Gem,<P>I'm sorry about your new betrayl also. I agree with CD and MJ I can't beleive a man of the cloth would condone imorality and counsel you H and exOW together. You and your H have to do what's in your best interest and that's look out for your well being. exOW has to put her child interest first and if she can't do that then she's going to have to explain later why oc didn't have a father. It's sad these women can't get over their vindictiveness and move forward with their lives.<P>Has your H told ow not to call him at work anymore? He should and if she doesn't stop he should press harassment charges against her. After my episode I know it's a painful thing to go to court and stand in front of a judge. Let her see your (U & H) reaction to her actions.<P><BR>Unsure

#803214 08/17/01 09:56 AM
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Gem, Please see my comments to you under my last thread.<P>love, anniem

#803215 08/17/01 01:09 PM
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cd I told the priest that I felt betrayed again and he said he only did it because H requested it so he could tell her in front of priest he wanted me and our marriage. I don't care! H could have sent a note to priest to forward or something. I felt the whole time priest was trying to get me to accept the baby only as a way to work our marriage out. He made a few inappropiate comments to me on accepting the baby. One was "pretend it's a neice or nephew" I told him off after that one. I don't remember the other one right now.<P><BR>Mrs. Job and Unsure, thanks for the words of encouragement. Mrs. J I'm praying for you and the adoption!<P>I'll cu over on your thread anniem.<P>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

#803216 08/17/01 01:10 PM
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Gem,<P>Every time I see posts like this, where there is so much pain caused by the OW/XOW I am SO glad that I have taken the road that I did. Of course, for me that was the ONLY road I wanted to be headed down, after D-day(and even before), and before we found out that I was P! I had felt so guilty during my stupidity, but had dug a hole so deep, that I didn't see a way out! I am greatful to be accepted in our "family" here, and pray for you all daily! <P>I am discusted w/your priest! He had absolutly NO right to counsel XOW and your H together! She has proven herself psycho, and unworthy of you or your family's acceptance! To hear that your priest counseled them together, and then to think back about the bulletin "screw up", I really do wonder what happened! I would definatley pursue this in court.<P>As for the phone calls, you should see about filing harassment charges! If she has been told to leave you alone, and she doesn't, then you have a case against her! I know that last summer, when XOM kept trying to talk to me, even after I told him I never wanted to see or talk to him again, he came to the door. We locked it, and called the cops, but since we didn't say anything to him, they couldn't do a report(screwed up DOD cops)! Even though we had already filed one harassment charge against him! <P>As for the XOW's D, did you block her from your instant message? That's the best way to deal with a 13 yr old.<P>I will continue to pray for your situation! I know that you have already been through so much, and deserve to be given a break!<P>Love,<P>Tigger

#803217 08/17/01 01:23 PM
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gemini1 Offline OP
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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>To hear that your priest counseled them together, and then to think back about the bulletin "screw up", I really do wonder what happened! I would definatley pursue this in court.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>We wonder the same thing Tigger and are pursuing the lawsuit w/another lawyer.<P>Priest said it was an oversight! He had nothing to do w/it.<P>My lawyer even said at FIRST it wasn't wrong as it just listed the parents and they ARE the parents. I had to show him it portrayed her as the Mrs. Also church shouldn't announce such baptisms. Also she's using our name illegally. She's still married and her H's name is on the birth certificate!<P>Geeze what the heck do we have him for?<P>Love<BR>Debi<BR><P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

#803218 08/23/01 01:42 AM
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Gemini, on your other thread, Tonk posted. I felt so bad for him and you with all you're going thru. My sons were 15 & 16 when we talked of divorce. They were both very angry, the younger one got up one night at dinner, and told us how studpid we were. The older one almost tried to physically attack his father. They did not know of OC,8 years later the younger still does not know. The older one I told when he was 21 by accident. We had received a letter from the exOW telling my H she still dreamed of him and making love with him. It was more about her feelings about him than their dau. She then apologised and hoped he's one day want to see their dau. Anytime he asked she'd be glad to send pictures, things the child had made for him etc. But he has to ask for it. Come on, she had our address why didn't she just sent some of it. think she wanted to make him ask get in touch with her. I was so incensed, and my son walked in, seeing how upset I was he would not let me alone until I told him. He said he'd be a part of her life since her father has not. However, I would not give him the info he needed to get in touch with her and told him his father wanted to let "sleeping dogs lie".<BR> Well enough of my sons. Please let us know how yours is doing. Those teen years are so hard and this situation is such and incredibly hard one for them. His world has been totally rocked; his foundation has gone from solid earth to quicksand. Give him a hug and tell you love him when you are feeling really low.<BR>Good luck, TG

#803219 08/23/01 02:27 AM
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Well, what can I add? You know where I stand on this issue. If you want to know my first reaction to your post, as a wife and mom, I'm so relieved for you.<P>One thing I have noticed between the posts here and the ones I read on GQII, most of the husbands here have recommitted themselves to their marriages, so in a way, OC's have strengthened marriages. OW's lovebusting strengthens marriages even further. God will provide the finances, you will be amazed at His provision... Don't worry!<P>More power to you gemini, do what you have to do to maintain your own sanity. Plus, school is getting ready to start and your students will need you to be 100%--both mentally and physically.<P>I think special needs kids tend to be more sensitive to different moods and attitudes. So please take care of yourself. I'm proud of your husband for sticking by you like this. You are extremely fortunate. Congratulations on your positive step forward in recovering from the affair. Will be praying for OW & OC as God has a good plan for their lives as well. Be encouraged!

#803220 08/23/01 05:09 AM
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TexasGirl, My son is doing much better. He gets wild whenever I mention "D" word. He says "Dad loves you Mom, just remember that! Why would you waste the last 27 plus years over ow? It's what she wants!"<BR>He's right. In a calmer moment I told him not to worry. As long as Dad and I stick together on all decisions we will be ok. I just get frightened sometimes.<P>Thanks BeenThere, but I'm not a teacher. I think you have me confused w/another person. It's ok. I get mixed up a lot on everyone elses situation and have to backtrack sometimes.<P>We are going to buy gifts for Christmas and Birthdays for baby and put them away with the pictures of our first and only visit. If he comes around some day we'll have them for him.<P>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....


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