This whole thing is crap!! My W had a one night stand and she is pregnant from it. No contact with OM and my W is very sorry for what she did. She tells me she made a huge mistake and did not plan on this A. She said she thought she was stronger and would never let an A happen, but when I was gone on military training the A happened. This really irks me, how could she completely disrepect me!!?? She says she is sorry and I am confident she is being truthful and is really remorseful for what she did but how come I have a problem emotionally accepting this? I've read about other peoples A and I say to myself that I have it better that that couple. I don't think I would be here if she still had contact with OM. Luckily there was no emotional bond between my W and OM. But it doesn't better, SHE CHEATED ON ME!! That wasn't part of the deal. I have trouble accepting that the hours before the A happened she didn't stop herself from going any further. My W said while I was gone she and OM had lunch one day, went to a batting cage another day and she invited him over to watch a movie and eat some left overs on another night. How in the heck did an A happen??!!!!! At some point she knew she wasn't doing the right thing, why didn't she stop?? We have talked about this and she seems sincere and truthful, but I still am so MAD!! She wants me and wants this marriage and says she has learned a valuable lesson and continues to learn. Why can't I move on. I can talk about recovery and work on improving our marriage but I can't feel it. She feels we are making progress and I think we are but I still keep telling myself that SHE HAD AN AFFAIR!!!! That is crap!!!!! and by the way she is pregnant.

Hey hutch:<P>Well, in some ways you do have it better---you're not trying to fight an active affair using Plan A. But in some ways, you have it worse. One of the beneficial side-effects of Plan A is that it allows you to process the pain and anger involved in dealing with an affair, while the event is taking place. It can even be an interesting psychological experiment (if you can forget that it's actually your marriage), because the wacky things that WS's do during an affair are truly bizarre, weird, and sometimes downright funny.<P>You, on the other hand, are dealing with the shock. I strongly urge you to start counseling with the Harleys (888-639-1639). You will develop a plan of action to deal not only with your marriage, but also your anger.<P>It is crap. You didn't deserve it. But you can move beyond it and recreate a terrific marriage that you'll both cherish.

My W and I are in counseling. Our counselor is committed to making our marriage work because we told him when we started that that was our goal. I don't know what to do about the anger, it comes and goes. I know I still love my W but she made a decision that is bringing a baby into this world that is not even my blood. I always thought we would somewhat plan a major change in our lives, but now I am faced with this pregnancy and I had nothing to do with it. I can't believe she would do this. She tells me she is sorry and would change it if she could. Is this enough for me to move on? I sometimes question the whole thing. Why do I stay?? I think about how I would feel if I lost her and it I know it would hurt. But she cheated, she disrepected me, she let the OM in our house and broke our vows, our promises.

Hutch,<BR>All I can say is take it minute by minute for awhile. I am the BS and my H fathered the OC. It is difficult, but you say that you believe your wife and that you love her. You are further along in recovery in that respect. Be prepared from my experience to get past some of this. Also be prepared for those awful feelings to come flooding back when you least expect it.<BR>The only advice I can give is continue communicating with the counselor and when you are calm, let your wife know how you are feeling. You might be surprised that she still feels as badly as you do. I know when I talk to my H, I am pleasantly surprised at how supportive and caring he is about my feelings. If your wife truly loves you, and it appears as though she does, she will hold you up when you need her the most. <BR>Hutch, please know that everything you stated in your post...I feel. My H is sorry, but HE CHEATED ON ME! My H never meant for it to happen, but HE CHEATED ON ME! My H wishes he could take it back, but HE CHEATED ON ME! Now I have to do my best to make my marriage work. I know, for me, if I give up now, I will always wonder WHAT IF?

Hutch, I am sorry for your pain. My H had a 10 yr. A, and 2 OC. I think everyone on this board has had pain that others will never understand. My question to you is, how do you feel about OC? Would it be better to give the OC up for adoption? Or, can you accept this child as yours? Like you said, at least you don't have to face emotional betrayal. It was a big mistake in judgement for your wife, but it sounds like she really loves you. These are just some of my thoughts. ember

have you considered forcing her to give up the child for adoption. I suppose its too late to abort. some will say that giving up child is a bad idea but if this child represents her disrespect for you continually as years pass it will sense a problem. many adopted children have wonderful homes and are loved and needed by their adoptive parents. its something to consider. you have to make your relationship into something that you can live with and raising another man's child may be a burden for you. be true to yourself. also , if leaving her feels right then do that to. you now owe her nothing . you owe yourself a life that will give you some peace

joell/ember,<BR>We are not going to give up the child for adoption. I know in my heart I can love this child. The child is completely innocent. I feel that the love I will have for the child will allow me to accept the fact that the baby is not blood but I am raising her/him so therefore I am the father. I haven't felt that I could not love the baby. My W had the A. The A and what led to the A is her and my problems, not the childs. The days/hours/minutes when I feel bad are when I think about her and the OM. That is what I am struggling with the most. I feel that she is remorseful and that she would not do it again and I feel our communcation is better, but I am having trouble getting over the mental movies. Thanks for your replies.

Hutch, I've replied to your posts before. Our situations are similar, my W had the A and got pregnant, she however chose to abort it. While some of the variables are different, I had many of the issues you have. You seem to be real at ease w/ the OC and pregnancy to me, that's huge. I'm almost 5 months past d-day, she has had no contact and is working hard on our marriage. My biggest issue was that I had lost some of her love to OM and I wanted it back..BIG TIME! I read all I could, and Plan A'ed. From what I read on this forums, we are luck in some respect, our W's have ended their A's and have stopped contact. Alot of BS's arne't that lucky. Without LBing, Plan Aing properly and venting HERE, not to your W, you'll see that your love can and will prosper. <P>Take it from me, living, breathing proof. I never though in a million years I could survive my best friend and soul mate doing this to me, but here I am, happy and more in-love then ever. Of course I feel betrayed and I definatley have my moments, but when I learned just a couple of weeks ago that my W is in-love w/ me again, the A and all those horrible images are on the back burner. My W and my marriage on the front and is HOT AS HELL! <P>Please stay strong, post your vents here, we can take it. I'm sure your W feels bad enough, and besides, you want to stop any and all love busting, it makes a big difference.<P>Good Luck<P>------------------<BR>...Keeping a stiff upper lip. Life begins on the other side of despair.<BR>-Scarlet Pumpernickle<BR>s_pumpernickle@yahoo.com

Hutch, <BR>Since I am the BS, in one respect I envy your position. Because your wife had the affair and is the one pregnant, you have a choice to tell the OM the child is yours and get on with your lives and never have to deal with the OM again. Then you can address your feelings of a constant reminder of your wife's mistake. But it sounds like you will be able to do that like several of the other men on this site have done. You take that child and love him/her and forget how his/her conception. When one can do that then something good has come out of something incredibly selfish. I wish we had been able to do that, but the exOW would not give the child to us to raise. She told me her child was a gift from God to her. Well I hope she enjoys her raising her gift alone. My H has never done anything thru his choice not mine, and won't until the OC gets to an age and wants to force the issue. I hope you can work out your issues and get on with the rest of your lives together.I believe if you both are committed to your marriage then it will happen.<BR>See ya, TG<BR>