<p>[ June 26, 2002: Message edited by: Tina71 ]</p>

Tina, at 4 mos you are just starting into recovery for this situation. You are justified in your hesitation, because he killed the trust in your marriage by having this affair. <BR>My H asked for a divorce before I learned about the exOW. I refused and insisted on counseling. We came back together. I learned about her 9 mos later. My brothers asked if there was an affair, I said NOOOO, he was too honorable, would never do that to Me, Ha HA. Well,after 8 years we have come a long way. He has many regrets about his affair, but the one thing that this has done for me is made more independent. I know that I love him, but if he pulls another stunt again, I will not stay. Because I will not go thru that pain again. I love him, I want our marriage to work, I want my children to have two parents together, and I do not believe I could find another companion to end my days, not one with whom I feel such strong feelings for. But if he (as the kids say )disrespects me again, he is history. I will survive.<BR>Stay strong, remember you have support here if you want it.<BR>The path to renewed trust is a hard one, and he has to do the work, not you, since he is the one who broke the trust.<BR>good luck,<BR>TG

Tina,<P>I just wanted to give my support, D-day for me is 11 months ago almost a year. It took me a while to get over the hate anger and pain.(all of mine was directed at my H until recently) But my H and I agreed to certain things in advance. You and your H should agree about all contact with exOW and ow in advance. That way you have no surprises. As for getting exOW to show remorse I can asure you more than half the wives & husbands who post here exOW/OM have shown no remorse or guilt about anything they've done. They can care less about us or our children. I hope your father gets better soon.<P>Unsure

Thanks for your support TG and Unsure. <BR>I found out today I can't go home this weekend as planned. So this one week visit is almost stretching to 3 weeks. The one thing H said is this separation has made him realize how much our marriage means to him. I have charged up my phone card twice since I have been here, we talk about 3 times a day and email constantly. On a down note though, the DNA results came thru today to the attorney, just as was expected both oc are H. It was very difficult for me to hear results and not have anyone here to talk to about my feelings. I know that H was aware of my mood, but there isn't really anything that can be said to consoul long distance. My parents have no clue, and will never be told, so this has really been a down day for me. I'm sure OW is just beaming with pride that we all know the official word. This has been the most emotionally draining past couple of weeks I have experienced.

Our ex-OW did apologize to me. Both by email and when we met at the first visitation. Funny, but it did mean something and yet, I know that she would do it again in a heart beat. Try and mess up our marriage that is, not apologize.<P>I have been so nice to her that now she can't stand to see me. I am using CD's kill 'em with kindness technique. Oh and her "too dumb to know any better" one works quite well also. My "aren't we all so lucky to get to be Precious' parents" routine just really tears her up.<P>Tina, I think that you have every right to be upset. Your husband did not go along with a POJA. You did not agree that it was OK for ex-OW to come to your house, especially in your absence. He owes a big fat apology for this one, but don't love bust trying to get it out of him. <P>I am sorry that the DNA results came back as they did. We do ours in two weeks from now. I know that they will come back the same way as yours.<P>MJ