Guilty said: "Maybe I am just not happy with myself and I search for validation through other people. For some sick reason, it makes me feel better for a while, then the guilt sets in. It's like a cycle." <P>Guilty, you've found your own answer! Any addiction is a substitute trying to fill that hole IN yourself with something OUTside yourself... alcohol, drugs, shopaholism, over-eatting, gambling, affairs--I'm sure there are more. You have a hole in yourself that needs attention and Americans esp. go for the 'quick fix'. 'I feel bad so I'll eat that half gallon of ice cream, drink alcohol, go buy something, go see a lover...' even non-addicts tend to live like this on a smaller scale!!! Do you want a lover for the attention or the sex? If it is the sex, you could attend a 12 step program for sex addicts. Whether it is sex or other attention, you could seek counseling. You have good insight into the situation. Now you can take another step--get help for it. Break the cycle. You cannot find happiness in others, not a lover, not even your spouse, though you can build good into your relationship through meeting each others' normal human emotional needs (see Dr Harley principles). Happiness comes from fixing yourSELF and having good relationships. The guilt from affairs is because you (thank God) have a conscience. Your conscience is telling you this is wrong,but having broken the taboo once, it is easier to do it again.<P>That's my opinion for today.<P>Godbless,<BR>J, in recovery 3 years
