Hello Josh and Hutch,<BR>I wanted you both to know I am a BS whos W had an Affair and had twins from the OM. I have been in working recovery for 3 years and two months and consider my marriage pretty strong. I am raising the twins as my own with NO involvement from the OM ...yet. If you have any specific questions that I can help answer with my experiences so far please ask and I will respond. And by the way. the infamous K is a good person to listen too, for I have taken his advise over the years and I succeeded in saving my marriage.

<P>(I love it when success stories pop in)

HumbleOne,<BR>Thanks. Were you pretty self conscious about people congratulating you on your babies? Did anybody ever make a comment that the babies don't look like you? I know I am self conscious when people make baby comments to me and my W. When we are around families it is the hardest. I originally told my parents that the baby was the OM and then I thought it could be mine and told my parents and left it at that. After more research, I found out the baby is definetly not mine. My parents will figure it out when the baby comes out looking nothing like me. My W parents have no idea about anything. Sometimes I think they should know but my W says no way she is telling them. I think I want them to know so I don't feel like I have to "act" around them. Any advice??

Hutch,<BR>There were allot of emotions that I went through right after I found out my wife was pregnant. 7 Years ago I had a vasectomy so I am pretty positive that the twins are Biologically the OM's. To answer your question regarding whether people will assume the child is not yours because of looks, I intially felt the same as you do. The months before she gave birth were hard on me as I never have seen or met the OM in person. The hard part was that I was afraid that what if the children have features that totally look different than my other children. My wife never told me what he looked like, and I was to afraid to ask her to tell the truth because I knew that images would fill my head and hamper my recovery. Maybe things were easier on me seeing that I did not have images to associate the children with. Let me tell you that in my case there was no option on whether to Tell her and my parents because they were well aware that I had the vasectomy. The descision to tell your parents is yours and hers alone. I recommend the POJA.once you make that decision then stay with it. I am a firm believer in the truth as it is constantly preached here, so only my close family knew the details. As far as others ( such as freind or aquantences) knowing of your situation, it is none of thier dern business anyhow and it could complicate matters in your recovery if you are constantly having to explain why the child looks different.Allot of children sometime look differnt in families so do not worry. The only exception would be if the child is a different ethnicity, then still in MO it still no ones business but yours and your spouses. My twins have allot of my wifes features and to top that off, my wife and I have been mistaken for brother and sister in the past. If you truley love your wife and family then the chioce for you is obvious. I beleive that what I have gone through has made me a better person overall. Although I have been in recovery for years now, my wife told me something just last week that reinforced her love for me. She told me that when she realized that I would raise the twins as my own without any strings or conditions, that that is when she knew that I truley loved her and she was the most important thing in my life. You have an opportunity to reinforce to your wife that she is your most important thing in life. It was like three years ago when I told her i would unconditionally raise these babies, that I deposited a zillion love units in her love bank. Feel free to ask anything that is on your mind and I will answer the best I can. Trust me use this board and listen to the good folks here and you too can suceed in have a rewarding marriage.